004: Albert Heinrich (
copesetic) wrote in
makinglies2013-12-11 08:26 am
Entry tags:
New York State of Mind
It's been nearly a month and only now does Albert have his head on straight again. It took a near-death experience to do it, but in those moments he'd thought were his last when all the things he regrets went running the 'this is your life' marathon through his head one stuck out in particular. And that one is in a seventh story apartment that looms large and foreboding in the mid-autumn drizzle.
He pockets the scrap of paper he'd been clutching, address on it long since memorized. He should just go up there and say his piece. Most likely Jet will kick him right back to the street again. As well he should. Albert hadn't exactly been the model partner in the time they'd spent together. His heart had been in it, but the rest of him still quailed, afraid to get too invested, afraid that he would screw it all up regardless. At least if he didn't try then he could blame the failure on that. But that's not fair to Jet, and if he were honest not fair to himself either. He knows that now, that in his heart of hearts he's already invested. The things he's frightened of doing are the very things he wants more than anything. Jet, more than anyone else, makes him feel human.
Screwing up his courage, Albert walks right up to the door of the apartment building, then turns away and strides to the corner of the block instead, shoulders hunched against the freezing mist. He needs something first. He's not stalling. Really.
It's relatively slim pickings in the little bodega on the corner but Albert manages to pull several small bouquets into one large one. Roses and baby's breath might be a little cliche, but it's what they have and it's hopefully a gesture Jet will appreciate, especially since it cost Albert an entire day's worth of spending money. Not that it matters. If it softens Jet for even a moment, it'll be worth it.
If.
He stops on his trek back up the block, staring at the flowers as if they'd suddenly start speaking to him. It's too much, isn't it? Roses? That's what he would always do for Hilda when she was cross with him, buy her flowers or jewelry, but Jet isn't Hilda. He'd never thought of Jet as Hilda, of course, but flowers seem such a feminine gift...
No, it's fine. It'll be fine. Who doesn't like flowers?
Halfway up the stairs he wonders if maybe Jet doesn't like flowers, or he'll throw them back in Albert's face for trying to treat him like 'some broad'.
Two thirds of the way back down he kicks himself mentally to just do it, damnit! Stop being such a coward! He'll either like them or not but the flowers aren't the point. The point is he's here, he'll apologize from the bottom of his heart, and Jet will take him back.
Well, ideally Jet will take him back.
He's already in front of the apartment door when that nagging voice in the back of his head tauntingly asks how often things are ever ideal. He paces once, twice in front of the door, mouth a thin and troubled line cutting across his face as he hems and haws, trying to reconcile what he hopes will happen with what's more likely.
Just do it!!
He knocks, heart in his throat.
He pockets the scrap of paper he'd been clutching, address on it long since memorized. He should just go up there and say his piece. Most likely Jet will kick him right back to the street again. As well he should. Albert hadn't exactly been the model partner in the time they'd spent together. His heart had been in it, but the rest of him still quailed, afraid to get too invested, afraid that he would screw it all up regardless. At least if he didn't try then he could blame the failure on that. But that's not fair to Jet, and if he were honest not fair to himself either. He knows that now, that in his heart of hearts he's already invested. The things he's frightened of doing are the very things he wants more than anything. Jet, more than anyone else, makes him feel human.
Screwing up his courage, Albert walks right up to the door of the apartment building, then turns away and strides to the corner of the block instead, shoulders hunched against the freezing mist. He needs something first. He's not stalling. Really.
It's relatively slim pickings in the little bodega on the corner but Albert manages to pull several small bouquets into one large one. Roses and baby's breath might be a little cliche, but it's what they have and it's hopefully a gesture Jet will appreciate, especially since it cost Albert an entire day's worth of spending money. Not that it matters. If it softens Jet for even a moment, it'll be worth it.
If.
He stops on his trek back up the block, staring at the flowers as if they'd suddenly start speaking to him. It's too much, isn't it? Roses? That's what he would always do for Hilda when she was cross with him, buy her flowers or jewelry, but Jet isn't Hilda. He'd never thought of Jet as Hilda, of course, but flowers seem such a feminine gift...
No, it's fine. It'll be fine. Who doesn't like flowers?
Halfway up the stairs he wonders if maybe Jet doesn't like flowers, or he'll throw them back in Albert's face for trying to treat him like 'some broad'.
Two thirds of the way back down he kicks himself mentally to just do it, damnit! Stop being such a coward! He'll either like them or not but the flowers aren't the point. The point is he's here, he'll apologize from the bottom of his heart, and Jet will take him back.
Well, ideally Jet will take him back.
He's already in front of the apartment door when that nagging voice in the back of his head tauntingly asks how often things are ever ideal. He paces once, twice in front of the door, mouth a thin and troubled line cutting across his face as he hems and haws, trying to reconcile what he hopes will happen with what's more likely.
Just do it!!
He knocks, heart in his throat.

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Honestly, he was the happiest he'd been in a long time, even before their argument. He'd always liked spending time with Albert, no matter what it was they were doing, but this had been just about perfect. Jet's only real experience with dates were the ones Albert had taken him on and this was one of his favorites so far.
He didn't need fancy entertainment or even anything really exciting, their lives were often pretty exciting already. Sure, he liked new things and having fun, but he had fun just by being with Albert and being themselves, almost as though they were normal human guys. Nothing was perfect, and this was no exception, they had disagreements, different tastes in...just about everything and neither of them were without issues, but with how comfortable Albert made him feel--more comfortable than anyone in the teens life had ever made him feel--how Jet could just be himself no matter what that meant and know he wasn't going to get judged for it one way or another...well, he figured this was about as close to perfect as he was going to get and it was already a lot more than he'd ever thought he'd find.
He glanced over and noticed Albert's gaze on him, making his cheeks color more than they already were in the cold and his smile widened as he moved a bit closer so he could lean a little against the shorter man.
"I'm glad you came here. Came to see me. I missed you too."
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He is that. Happy. It's no wonder that it's such a surprise to Albert to be happy considering his life. After Hilda's death and his remodeling, he'd sincerely believed that happiness would never again be within his reach, that the best he could achieve would be temporary relief until his permanent and terminal release, something he'd hoped for at the time with an embarrassing amount of conviction. He'd almost resented Jet then, the voice in the grate that wouldn't let him just sink and drown. Albert had tried to make him understand, explained that the sun had gone out and that there'd been no point in living if all they were to be was tools of destruction. Machines.
Jet didn't let him give up.
In retrospect, he'd fallen a little in love with him even then, but under caked layers of self loathing and grief there was no way Albert could have recognized it. It took their escape decades later and an obscene amount of careful mental sorting to realize, and still, still, he'd only just finally been able to surrender entirely now, years and years later.
But maybe it's true that slow and steady wins the race. In this moment, with Jet's head on his shoulder and his cheek against scarlet locks, peacefully watching the birds do battle over the last crumbs of a toasted hot dog bun, he certainly feels as if he's won something.
Public be damned; he shifts so he can plant a warm kiss on Jet's lips. It's light and tastes a little bit like coffee, but it hopefully communicates every iota of happiness and contentment that Albert feels in that moment. He doesn't pull far to speak. "Let's go back to your place."
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He smiles and nods, pulling away--with no small amount of remorse that even had to--and pulled Albert up with him by interlaced hands. "This way, I know a short cut."
He led his partner through part of the park and to a different train that seemed like a longer ride but let them out closer to his apartment. That dumb little contented smile hadn't left his face since it had made it's home there and he found he couldn't help sitting a little closer than he maybe should whenever he could.
As he unlocked his door and let the older cyborg in, the weak warmth offered by his less than stellar central heating system a welcome change from the biting chill outside, it finally occurred to him that he'd have to talk to Cathy again before she found out there was another man in Jet's apartment lest she say anything to Albert Jet didn't want him finding out. He 'd likely get some sharp words from the woman about letting him in to begin with, but if he could just find the words to explain how happy Albert made him, how he felt like his heart had sprouted wings and flown off ever since the words 'I'm in' had reached his ears, maybe she'd lay off a bit.
The teen leg the blond across the hall slip from his mind as he stepped back to the shorter man and pressed his lips gently against his lips.
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The second the door is closed they're joined at the lips even before Albert can remove his scarf and coat. He doesn't bother, instead bringing his hands up to cup each side of Jet's face and deepen the kiss, still gentle but more communicative. He wants to show Jet what Jet's spent time showing him this evening; that this really will work because they'll make it work.
The setting sun spills gold through the blinds as Albert breaks the kiss and leads Jet to the bedroom, shedding down to just his turtleneck, slacks, and socks on the way.
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The teen looked over to his partner as he sat on the edge, there was a little hesitation in his tone, but that comfort he'd shown from just being in Albert's presence hadn't gone away; it wasn't what they were about to do, it was something else, something he was embarrassed to admit for having been so gung-ho about it before.
"I should probably tell you...I don't actually know what I'm doing. I've only done this sort of thing twice and only one of those times was with a guy." And that had hardly been a good example, but Jet wasn't about to straight up lie when he could just skate over it instead. Especially since that had been part of why he'd been so pushy in the first place.
That had been a very bad experience with someone he'd barely even known, but it had been his first experience ever, not to mention with the gender he now knew he preferred. It had colored his judgement for years and it still weighed on the back of some of his actions in certain circumstances, though only he knew it was there. But now he was ready to push it out and replace it with what he knew would be a better experience with someone he cared for more than his own life. He also just didn't want to mess it up, which was why the disclaimer was needed.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I know the basics, but don't stop yourself from telling me anything either." His mouth opened as though he were going to say something else, but he closed it again rather quickly, there was no way he was going to be able to say how he just wanted to make it good enough for Albert and how he was a little afraid in the face of his inexperience to fail at this and make the German change his mind all over again.
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He is though, nervous. He'd only experimented with a man once, and that had been before Hilda in an alcohol induced evening of compromised judgement. He'd come away from it satisfied, but curious at just how enjoyable it had been. Still, pursuing a relationship like that, at that time... well, it would have been incredibly dangerous. Not only that, but a few months later he'd met Hilda and put the entire thing from his mind. He'd fallen head over heels in love.
It's the same feeling now, both the utter surrender to overpowering affection and the confusing curiosity concerning exploring a physical relationship with someone of the same gender. But he should take the lead like this, he feels. Even if they're equally inexperienced in this, he wants to show Jet that he really is in it for good this time, that he wants the pursue the relationship and make it work, and sex is a part of that.
So he kisses Jet deeply, cradling the back of the other cyborg's head with his hand gently and gingerly placing one knee between Jet's legs so he has small purchase on the bed. He can't show that he's nervous, can't make Jet doubt his commitment again even if that's hardly what the nerves are over. He breaks the kiss but doesn't go far, panting a soft breath against Jet's lower lip. "I'll be gentle."
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But he could show.
The teen pressed forward again, initiating another deep kiss, this time with his hands finding the sides of the German's face. He let it linger longer than he meant to before slowly breaking away. A small but slightly teasing smirk found it's way to his lips and he scooted further back onto the bed, his hand sliding down to tug at his partner's shirt in encouragement to follow.
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He catches himself staring and a bit of color rises in his face at the heels of a shy smile. He turns his attention a bit lower, one still-gloved hand sneaking beneath the hem of Jet's shirt, fingers splayed and palm flush against skin. Not wanting to remove that hand just after placing it, he tugs the glove off of his left hand with his teeth, intending to let it join the other. There's a moment of hesitation just before he lays the second hand on Jet's stomach and the frigid temperature of Albert's fingers likely clues Jet in to why that is a second later when he presses them to light flesh.
"Sorry," Albert murmurs, barely audible over the sounds of evening traffic outside, but he doesn't regret the touch. These fingertips have feeling and Jet's skin is warm and soft and perfect. Albert swallows, gently sliding his left hand up further, over ribs and muscle.
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The chilled hands on the warmer skin of his stomach sent a shiver through him and set his nerves on alert, making every small movement stand out. "Nah, don't worry about it...that feels nice."
Jet arched slightly into the touch and reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it off and get it out if the way.
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There's another still moment where Albert drinks in each newly exposed inch. It's one thing to have seen Jet mostly undressed as Gilmore works on him, repairing or adjusting the cybernetics, but it's entirely different in this intimate context. This is Jet allowing him intimate knowledge of his body, of letting himself be vulnerable.
In some kind of mild awe, Albert runs his fingers along Jet's ribs again slowly, savoring the texture and subtle rise and fall of skin stretched over form. When he reaches the vent in the redhead's side, his hand moves inward, the pad of his thumb brushing coarsely over one nipple as Albert can hold back no longer and leans in for a more passionate kiss than before.
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But then Albert was touching him again and giving the American something else to concentrate on than the intense look on his partner's face. His body responds, arching into the touch and goosebumps crawling across his real skin as he kisses back enthusiastically.
His arms snaked around broad shoulders to pull Albert close and he deepened the kiss, tongue darting out to find it's way into Albert's mouth. Kissing he could do, kissing he knew what Albert liked, at least.
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But there's something scratching a the back of his mind. Or a lot of somethings. Every insecurity he's ever had about sex comes creeping to the forefont, every doubt that he doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't remember what to do, that he'll treat Jet too much like a woman because that's where the majority of his experience lies but is there even a difference there aside from the lack of breasts and where things go during the deed itself? And concerning that, is he supposed to be inside? Or is Jet? Which would Jet prefer more? Shouldn't he just know this already? Should it be instinct? he should just ask but what if he asks and it turns out he was supposed to know already and Jet changes his mind, throwing him out in the hall and locking the door behind him?!
Alright, so maybe that's an overreaction, but the worry over it becomes too great and be pulls from the kiss with a small but shuddering gasp, panting lightly against Jet's lips. "Jet, I..."
He turns red, not making eye contact and instead hiding his gaze in his hair. "I'm ...not sure how you want it."
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His face burns bright red in response and he finds his thoughts have suddenly scattered as though none of them wanted the spotlight shined on them when he went looking for an answer.
He hadn't thought about it, he'd just sort of assumed it would happen and it wouldn't be a big deal. Now he actually had to try and string together not only what he wanted but the words to do it too.
"Um..." He knew how it was before and, in this case, with Albert, he really wouldn't be against that again, it sort of went back to that whole 'new experience to replace the old' thing. But, honestly, the thought of being the one on top, making Albert squirm and let go like that...well, that was a nice thought too.
But, then again, when did Albert ever 'let go?' The guy was too much of a control freak, Jet would be surprised he'd even asked if it weren't for the fact that was a very Albert thing to do; his concern was always the people around him.
It started with a smirk that turned into a smile until a low chuckle shook his shoulders even as his face stayed it's bright fiery color.
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Though, well... it is some kind of ridiculous and Jet's laughter is infectious. Bringing a hand to his face, he can't help but let an embarrassed and depreciative chuckle of his own escape.
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The teen moved closer to his somewhat retreated partner and grabbed him by the shirt collar to pull him in for another enthusiastic kiss. When he breaks away, his face is still colored, but he tries to cover it with that smirk.
"This is fine. You on--um..on top, I mean. Just as long as I can see you." And touch you. "Besides...aren't you the kind of guy who likes to be in charge all the time? Wouldn't want to throw you off." They could figure things out later, maybe switch things around on occasion. Right now, he wanted things simple.
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If that's what Jet wants then he'll provide. He runs his fingers through that feathery hair again and leans in for another kiss, this time letting both hands wander and find the top of Jet's pants at the back, left hand slipping between waist and hem to palm along soft skin and grab a little squeeze as his other arm circles Jet's lower back to press them flush together. All through this, Albert never once breaks the kiss. He knows he's being fairly aggressive and if Jet seems at all uncomfortable he'll back off, but hearing Jet wants him on top, wants him inside... well, he'd be lying if he said it didn't excite him.
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As soon as those arms are around him, his arms are around Albert, one of his hands pressing against his back as if he could drive away the nonexistent distance between them, while the other slid into soft silver hair, alternating between petting and gripping only tight enough to be noticed.
That probing hand, however, pulls a sound from him and he breaks the kiss with a hiss, though his lips don't stray far before falling on the German's jaw and neck, anything he can find.
This is different. They'd done some intense kissing, but this was more physical and a lot further along than just making out and while there was still that anxious thrum in the back of his mind at the unknown of it all, it went hand-in-hand with a rush of excitement and anticipation.
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It would feel nicer without the pants in the way.
With another short squeeze, he pulls his hands back, somehow managing to arch his body away from Jet just enough to get at the fly of his jeans without bringing his throat away from the younger man's questing tongue and lips. He moans again, fumbling for the zipper without being able to see it since he's unwilling to pull away for even that much, a shiver shooting up his spine and setting his eyes very briefly rolling back in his head.
If Jet never leaves his neck alone, he could die happy.
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His hold tightens on the older man's back and his other hand finds it's way out of silver hair to grip at Albert's shoulder: all in an effort to not lose the contact getting that kind of reaction from his partner.
His attentions grow more aggressive and he adds tongue and teeth to the mixture of lips, resulting in a dance of slick tongue, stinging bites, and gentle caresses of soft lips. He wanted to see how far he could get with this, just how crazy he could drive his partner.
The hand not holding him to Albert's body dove down to help by undoing the zipper and button himself, eager to remove the now annoying fabric. As his teeth leave a long scrape right across a newly delivered hickey, he does his best, at his angle, to start pushing the remaining clothing off.
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It's more of a pant than a noise, but it's pulled from Albert just the same as Jet's teeth mark him and that tongue tries to sooth the abused skin. Even as he haphazardly helps Jet remove the last layers separating his body from the air, Albert's eyes stay closed, feeling and grasping, running his hands everywhere he can reach until all of Jet is uncovered for him to touch.
Palms run along sides to waist to hips and down to thighs, one naked and the other clad in leather but both pressing and kneading at the muscle in Jet's legs, creeping from out to in and up until his fingers play around every centimeter of flesh safe for where he truly wants to, the very thought giving him visions to fight of simply giving into his primal want and overwhelming Jet, mental images of taking him in one fell swoop, hips to ass and arms tight around each other with soft whispers of affection to spur them both on to completion. It's a thought he's had more than once.
And now...
He'll go slower than that, gentler, but he wants so badly for the result to be the same. Sweet nothings, his arms protectively holding the lithe man beneath him. He indulges in that at least, one arm snaking around Jet's waist and bracing up his back to pull him close while the other hand cautiously pets at Jet's arousal as if he'll be rebuked.
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In an effort to partially distract from the embarrassing admission, his teeth scrapped lightly over adam's apple and down to the dip in the older man's clavicle, the hand not still holding them together sliding down to slip under the hem of his partner's shirt, fingers idly tracing the skin just beneath it.
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It's a curious change from how excited he'd been just a moment ago, all flushed and panting and full of want. Now he's a veritable statue, completely frozen in place with a pained look that comes from nowhere physical. He lets go, snagging Jet's hand with the limb already between them. "Don't. Please, just-"
He swallows again, this time not to kill a moan but to stall for how to explain. Nothing comes. "I know it's silly, but please just leave it."
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He pulled his hand away and out of Albert's grip, but only to let it rest back at the nape of the older man's neck. He understood why, that wasn't what his momentary silence was sprouting from, it was the how to respond part of it.
Albert was one of the most heavily modified of their group and it showed; not all of his cybernetics could be covered with the synth skin like what was on Jet's legs, some parts of Albert were just hard metal. While Jet had never seen any of the German's limbs as anything but just that, he knew it was only like that on his end. Jet saw arms and legs, Albert saw weapons and methods of destruction.
It was one of the things Jet had silently promised to try and do for his partner: get him to see how Jet saw him and to at least accept that, if not see himself that way too. But they weren't there yet.
The arm that had been latched around Albert's shoulders carefully moved down so his hand could grab hold of the German's upper right arm, his lips gently finding that jawline again for just a moment. "Yeah. It's okay."
Admittedly, it hurt a little bit, to be completely bare to the other man and know it would only be one-sided, he'd always put a high value on touch and body against body was pretty high up on that list. But he also didn't want to push the other man away now that he had him back, he'd just have to hope they could work past it with time.
He'd have to contend himself with touches over clothing. Unfortunately for the fabric. "...but if I rip something cause you didn't get it out of my way, it's not my fault." It's said low and with the tone of someone who's trying to make a joke when not really in a joking mood, but he was trying.
He sort of just wanted them to get back to business.
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Kisses silence those dour thoughts, Albert leaning in and pressing his lips to Jet's sweetly. At least at first. The first chaste kiss turns more heated and invasive quickly, Albert's tongue seeking Jet's and coiling against it, hands again running their way along the sides of those narrow hips, the curve of his ass, palming and claiming each inch as if to make up for every bit of Albert he can't bring himself to show in turn.
It doesn't take long for Albert's kisses to go sloppy, to miss Jet's mouth and pepper his chin and jaw and neck, teeth skating the skin there as the German uses his index finger to trace firmly around Jet's entrance, a silent warning to prepare the American before said finger presses in very carefully with almost teasing slowness.
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But then his thoughts were swept away again by the warmth spreading in his veins with every kiss. His eyes close as he tilts his head back a bit to make his neck more accessible; it didn't have the same powerful affect on Jet that it did on Albert, but damn if it didn't feel nice.
But even that pleasant distraction couldn't pull his attention away from the feeling of Albert's finger entering him. His body went as tense as a bowstring on instinct; it didn't hurt, but he might as well be a virgin for how used to it his body was.
He focused on relaxing himself and leaned up to kiss Albert's chin. "The drawer...on the bedside table, under the book, it'll help." Yeah, there was a book in his side table drawer that he was voluntarily reading, some fantasy novel he'd found intriguing, but his secret was safe with his partner, at least. Besides, it hid the small bottle he wanted to keep from prying young boys eyes, should he find his neighbor got a little too curious poking around.
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