makinglies | Lost and now I am found

Entry tags:

johnny,
sola

Lost and now I am found

[He could have sworn he'd been crushed. He'd been running down that passage way with the others and he'd...he'd stopped. He'd stopped in the middle of that attack and he let that cave-in fall on him.

And yet, here he was, in the middle of a bustling, futuristic, city. It was night...but a part of him vaguely wished it wasn't. It didn't matter. He was in a new place again. He'd lost Sola...and he'd lost everyone else too. He really wouldn't have minded if it just stopped.

He was so tired.

Still, unless he was going to find someone who would cut off his head or stab him in the heart, he wasn't going to get anywhere standing on this street corner.

The vampire found a way up onto a roof so he could look around. What he saw was technologically breath-taking. It was a mixture of modern and sci-fi and, if he'd been feeling himself, he might have been more fascinated. As it was, he was momentarily taken aback by the sight, but then moved on to trying to find...something.

The sight of a park in the middle of the city drew his eye, it wasn't like it was going to have answers for him, but right now he didn't want answers. He didn't care what this place was called or who was in it, but the idea of sitting around nature was the only thing that sounded good.

A flock of bats soared through the sky towards the park, careful not to go to high with all the air vehicles running around, and reformed in the branches of a tree in the middle of the park. This would do for now.]

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[The sobbing slows to hiccups as Sola readjusts to the kind, soft voice of his matesprit, shivering beginning to subside though not stop altogether even with Sola using one hand to pull the blanket closer around his shoulders, the other still fisted in Johnny shirt and making no sign of letting go any time soon. The Hylian still leans against the vampire bodily, sniffling once or twice as he calms.]

It's not Vatheon. I don't know where it is... There's a sky but it's always all smokey and it's hard to see with the buildings...

[His eyes drift closed for a moment, exhaustion creeping in behind the torrent of emotion that had run a swath through the replica. His endurance has suffered through his hardship here, underfed and relatively exposed to the elements. He shakes his head after a moment, trying to stay awake, to stay focused, his hand darting to find Johnny's for the reassurance that he's real and not some hallucination.

His voice is small and tired when he speaks again, but somehow still full of the same raw feeling as when they were happy together in Vatheon, before the world hopping, before Barry.]

I'm so glad you found me...

[Long fingers curl around Sola's hand and with those words comes a sudden need to kiss the lips that said them. He wants to, he does, he wants to kiss those lips long and hard, afraid as he was that they could be separated within the hour. But, in the end, it's only a light, brief kiss he gives before Johnny presses a more lingering one to Sola's forehead.]

I'm sorry I lost you at all.

[Without warning, the vampire scooped up Sola an arm underneath knees and shoulders to hold the blanketed body to his chest. It had always been effortless to pick Sola up...but even now Johnny could tell the difference in weight.

He kept his wince inward.]

I'm going to take care of you, Sola. I'm not leaving you.

[He knew, he knew he had no way of keeping that promise, but he had to make it. He had to fix his angel.

Not waiting for a response, he produced a blind fold around Sola's head and leaped into the air, his lower half dissolving into bats. It would be faster to just keep Sola in the middle of the swarm and fly like that, but he knew Sola didn't like heights and he hoped the fact Johnny's arms were around the Hylian would be comforting.

Plus...he needed his nose to find somewhere that wasn't soaked in the scent of humans.]

[That kiss is reciprocated a little desperately, a small breath of a whimper on its tail as Johnny kisses his forehead instead, causing tears to well up in the replica's eyes again, unbidden. They don't fall, he's too tired, to weary to cry anymore just now, but if he did it would be in relief. He's safe now. He's home now.

As they lift into the air, every sinew tenses and Sola clutches the blanket tightly around himself against the cold air and the knowledge that even if he can't see it, he's meters above the ground. Fingers fist in his palms, carving nervous divets in flesh, and his teeth worry at his lower lip in anxious jitters until he again feels his feet on solid ground, stumbling a bit as the world teeters in his vision while trying to regain his balance, breath fast as if he'd just run for miles. If it weren't for the blindfold, he might have simply passed out altogether.

Or there might be a little more to his dizziness than fear.]

[When he saw Sola stumble, Johnny reached out to steady him with a hand on his shoulder. That hand trailed down to take Sola's hand in his and he leaned down to kiss the back of the hand he'd taken.]

I'm sorry, are you alright?

[He squeezed Sola's hand a moment and then let go, walking up to the door to inspect it a moment.

He turned a soft smile back to his boyfriend.]

Give me two seconds.

[Swiftly, he dissolved into bats, slipped under the door, and unlocked and opened it for Sola.]

Come on in, no one's here right now.

I'm okay.

[He hardly sounds it, but he doesn't want Johnny to worry when they've just been reunited. Still, when Johnny disappears under the door, Sola leans against the porch for support, straightening up again once the door opens but not quickly enough that the vampire wouldn't notice. He shambles his way in, looking around a bit sceptically.]

We shouldn't go in other people's houses without asking...

[But the fireplace in the next room does look so inviting, and if there's food... But stealing is wrong, no matter what, isn't it...? But...

His vision blurs for a moment as he reaches for Johnny's arm again, the time it took to enter the house already too long a time to have space between them.]

[Try as he might, Johnny could smell the sickness in Sola and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why. When Sola reached for Johnny's arm, the vampire supplied it readily, mind racing about what to do first.

Johnny closed the door and locked it before leading Sola towards the fire place and encouraging him to sit near it.]

The people who live here are gone.

[The vampire stripped the blanket-turned-towel away and replaced it with two more before dissolving the old one away. Gently, he leaned down to give another light kiss to Sola's lips, allowing this one to linger a little before pulling away. He needed to get some things, and he would be faster if the person he was trying to take care of wasn't attached to him.]

It'll be fine, I'll put the place exactly as it was before we leave. Stay here, my dove.

[He used his speed to find the firewood, tinder and a way to light it all. Once he had a the start of a fire going, he went back to zipping about, making food for Sola, a small meal of some bread and cheese and fruit; too much and it might not stay down.

As a final touch, he made some tea that he found and brought it all to Sola with a warning of the tea's temperature. He sat sideways behind the Hylian, an arm snaking around a slender waist to hold Sola's back to his chest.]

Eat slow, okay? I don't want you to get sick.

[More sick.]

Edited 2013-01-08 08:31 (UTC)

[He'd been sick before; a hacking cough that wouldn't go away for nearly two weeks, leaving a rattle in his lungs that still asserted itself when the weather was damp, but this was different. He'd tried to ignore it for as long as possible, the flashes of cold and hot together. The shakes of his body and blurs to his vision, sometimes with spots or fuzzy edges. He'd ignored it for as long as he could - what else could he do? - but now with Johnny's care he no longer had the energy or drive to stave it off further.

Still, even while he knows Johnny is getting around to help him, he doesn't want him even so far as the next room. He's tense as the vampire goes from room to room, fidgety, making sure he has Johnny in sight at all times for fear that should he take his eyes off of him, he'll vanish. He only relaxes again when Johnny slides down behind him on the floor though his trembling refuses to cease, causing him to fumble the bread on the first reach before he can take bite after bite despite Johnny's warning, tearing at the loaf ravenously.]

Whoa, hey!

[Johnny changed positions, moving to sit cross-legged behind Sola and reached around to take the smaller hands in his own to get Sola's attention. Turning his head he pressed lips to cheek and wrapped his arms around the shuddering body again. He needed to get Sola warm...]

I said slow...please, Sola. I know you're hungry..but you'll feel worse if you eat too fast.

[Hands caught up, Sola turns his head to look at Johnny after the kiss, eyes struggling to focus but seemingly taking in what he's said this time.]

I'm sorry.

[He leans his forehead against Johnny's neck, closing his eyes. His skin is hot against Johnny's, borderline feverish.]

I'm sorry, I'll eat slower.

[He draws his legs up to his chest, leaning into Johnny for support as much as reassurance.]

I've just never been so hungry before. Or tired...

[One hand moved back up to stroke Sola's hair again while the other stayed securely where it was.]

Eat a little, you don't have to eat it all, and then sleep. You can have the rest when you wake up.

[He turned to kiss Sola's temple as a comforting gesture.]

I'll take care of you.

[Johnny's assurance that he'll take care of Sola sets the replica's eyes watering again, but he doesn't want to cry. Not again. His eyes already sting too much and his throat is raw, breath a little rattly. It hurts to cry. It hurts to do anything but stay here, balled up in Johnny's side, picking at the remains of the bread and fruit, forcing himself to eat slowly.

He sniffles, swallowing another small bite, fighting to keep his eyes from drifting closed.]

I don't want to...

[He'd dreamed this, so many times. The details all different, but Johnny rescuing him, holding him, making everything better... that he dreamed often. And every time he opened his eyes again and Johnny wasn't there was like a knife in him, deeper every time. He can't do it again, he can't sleep just to open his eyes in the morning and find Johnny was never there at all; if this is a dream, let it last forever.]

[He had no doubt Sola was going to fall asleep whether he wanted to or not, but he understood the sentiment. He didn't really want Sola to go to sleep either, because then he would have to go. Not for long, granted, but any amount of time, at this point, was too long.]

You need to, to get better.

[He wished he could just hold Sola and instantly make his dove better, but only time and care could do that. And, in the end, they would need money if they were going to make it in this place. He'd need to go get some.

For now, the vampire just continued to pet Sola's hair and, after a moment, he started to hum. It was nothing fancy, just an old tune from a long-gone time that he couldn't even remember the words for. But the tune was pretty and, he hoped, soothing.]

But... what if...

[The words trail off into nothing as Johnny begins to hum, Sola not hearing simply with his ears, but through the vibrations of Johnny's body as he weaves his song. He can feel the music, the song his matesprit is humming just for him. Before he's aware of it, his eyes are closed, ear against the vampire's chest and breath coming in an even rhythm.

It had only taken a moment, but Sola fell into a soft slumber curled there in Johnny's lap, finally feeling safe for the first time in a long time.]

[Johnny hummed the song until it's end and then sat there, just holding Sola a moment longer. He didn't want to leave the Hylian...not when they'd only just found each other...but he wanted to be able to devote his full attention to him when Sola woke up.

That meant he had to run errands when the younger man was asleep.

Gently and careful not to jostle him, Johnny set Sola down on the ground and covered him with blankets to keep him warm; hopefully between the blankets and the fire, he would be warm enough.

The vampire quietly slipped out the front door, dissolving into bats as soon as he'd closed the door; he needed to be quick.]

[For the first hour of Johnny's absence, Sola sleeps the sleep of the dead. He does not dream, consciousness floating in an empty sea of comforting nothing, body finally warm after months in the elements.

The second hour he turns, tosses off the blanket, seeing demons in his mind that takes the form of one defeated, Barry leaning back in a chair and smiling that halcyon grin even though his head is off, being held in his own arm. The other has Johnny by the neck, the vampire limp and listless with dull eyes and his own head leaning against the incubus' knee, a faint and lifeless smile barely touching his lips. He raises one weak hand, reaching for Sola without much strength...

And then Barry snaps his neck like a twig.

Sola sits up with a start and a strangled cry, disoriented and heart beating like a frightened rabbit. This isn't the bubble, nor the lobby, nor his bridge. It comes back to him slowly, Johnny bending by the river, carrying him to safety, the food, the fire, the humming.

Only Johnny isn't here.

Had he dreamed it? He'd dreamed of Johnny so many times, but never so vividly, never finding himself somewhere new upon waking. Was he seeing things, then? Was he so desperately alone that he's started hallucinating?

The fire pops and flickers, drawing Sola's attention, gaze leaden and devoid of emotion. That's it, then. He'd finally lost it, seeing things and following visions. He's so done, so tired. Very slowly Sola draws his knees up to his chest and stares into the fire, as if watching it burn up the rest of his hope.

Then softly, barely audible, he begins to hum the tune he'd imagined Johnny humming earlier, unheeding of the single tear the rolls down his cheek as he does so.]

[He hadn't meant to take this long. An hour, an hour and a half at most. But he'd had to make the items and then find a place open and willing to take them. Money in pocket, he'd stopped in a store to try and find some sort of comfort food for Sola, but it took some searching before he found something he thought might do the trick; it probably wasn't anything Sola knew of, but Johnny hoped he'd like them all the same.

To top it all off, he got stopped by a detective who, assumedly based on how Johnny was dressed, thought the vampire was trying to 'pick people up.' He got off with an apology and admittance that he 'was new there and didn't know the rules' but it left annoyance writhing in the pit of the vampire's stomach. He knew he'd been gone too long. His only saving grace was the fact Sola often slept straight on to morning when he finally went out.

Quietly, Johnny slipped back into the house...only to find his efforts in vain. Sola was awake, sitting up and...humming the song Johnny had been humming? The faint but sharp scent of salt finally reached him under all of the burning wood and other smells the house had from it's usual inhabitants. His heart seized in fear and worry and he took a step away from the door, grocery bag still in hand, and hoping he was mistaken about the smell.]

Sola?

....Sola, are you all right? Why are you awake?

[Ears twitch, betraying that Johnny's voice had reached Sola, but the replica doesn't react other than to curl over he's knees tighter and rock slightly, still humming brokenly under his breath.

It's not real... I'm not crazy, I'm not...

His eyes squeeze shut, ear twitching again at the sounds of Johnny moving in the house. Comforting sounds. Imagined sounds.

I want him to be real, he's not real...

His tears make small drops on the floor, reflecting back the firelight.

I want him to be here...]

[The utter lack of reaction made Johnny go cold and he dropped the bag, it's contents now forgotten as he went closer to Sola.]

Hey...Sola...look at me.

[Why was he being ignored? What had he done? He hesitated.]

I'm sorry I left, I thought I'd be back before you woke up but...

[He promised he wouldn't leave, and yet that's exactly what he'd done...was that why Sola was being so despondent? But he'd be angry, not...this, right? Then what?

He knelt down in front of Sola and held out his hand, hoping it would be taken. He didn't want to reach out to the Hylian, not if he was going to jerk away again, he didn't think he could handle it.]

Did..did you have a nightmare? Is that why you're awake?

[Did he have a nightmare and Johnny wasn't there to chase it away? Was it about whatever he'd seen here? Was it Barry? ...Was it him?

The thought made his hand close in on itself and he started to pull it away. If it was because of him, because of what he'd done, he wouldn't blame Sola for not wanting him near.
...but if it wasn't him, he couldn't pull away...if Sola needed him, he should be there.

His hand opened back up, still offering to take Sola's.]

Edited 2013-01-10 07:18 (UTC)

[Sola's fingers curl up under the cuffs of his tattered boots as he stares at Johnny's hand, shoulders pinched and nervous, eyes again open and filled with longing just as much as distress.]

I don't want you to just be a dream...

[More tears follow their predecessors, tracking down Sola's cheeks. They fall to the floor almost audibly, so soft is the replica's voice.]

It hurts too much if you're not real. I-I thought so many times you were here but it was never you, so... so this can't...

[A cough interrupts Sola's words, wet and painful enough to make the Hylian grimace and pull one hand in against his chest, behind his knees so tightly curled into this thin frame.]

[He thought Johnny wasn't...
It made sense, if he thought about it. He shouldn't have left, not while Sola was asleep.]

But I am real, Sola, I promise. I just stepped out for a moment and I'm sorry for that, I shouldn't have.

[He brought his other hand up with the first and, slowly, brought them towards Sola's face.

Don't flinch. Don't flinch. Please, please, don't flinch...

Gently, he reached out to wipe the tears away and hold that face he thought was so beautiful in his hands.]

I told you: I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not an illusion.

I'm here and I love you.

Edited 2013-01-10 07:45 (UTC)

[He doesn't pull away. He wants Johnny to be there, he wants so very badly for his boyfriend to actually be able to reach out and touch him and wipe his tears, force everything to make sense again. But it doesn't work like that. Just wishing doesn't make something true. He closes his eyes again, waiting for the feeling of that large warm hand against his cheek, that comforting feeling that loosens the painful tightness in his chest just a little before vanishing into nothing, never really having been there in the first place. He can indulge in this, at least, before the figment is gone.

But Johnny's hand on his cheek startles his eyes open again in a sudden realization; his hand is cold.

It would be, of course, the vampire having been out in the winter weather for a solid few hours, but in every one of Sola's dreams, Johnny's hands had been warm and comforting. Here they're uncomfortably cold, enough to give him a little shiver, enough to snap him more to his senses and press the realization home.

Johnny is really here.

Carefully Sola takes Johnny's hand from his cheek and presses his own into it, taking in how small his fingers are compared to the vampire's, how calloused and dirty his skin in contrast. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because he's really here.

Without another word Sola darts forward and throws his arms around Johnny, kissing his lips and cheeks and any other surface he can reach while whispering apologies and affections with every spare breath. One in particular he keeps repeating.]

I love you too.

I'm sorry I doubted you.

[The fact Sola didn't pull away sends a flood of relief through Johnny and he smiles when his boyfriend takes his hand as though he didn't believe it was really there.

Then he had arms full of Hylian and Johnny held him tight to his chest. He clung to Sola, afraid if he loosened his grip at all Johnny would lose him. He couldn't let that happen, not after everything.]

I'm sorry I left, I'm not going anywhere now. I won't abandon you.

[Johnny cradled the thinner form against his body, wishing he could act as a shield against anything and everything that could hurt his loved one, even nightmares. He needed to protect Sola for as long as he possibly could, as long as the other needed him.

Golden eyes sought garnet ones and he kissed Sola gently.]

Will you forgive me for slipping out? For leaving you to think you were alone?

Will you forgive me for the times I wasn't there at the end of those dreams?

[He doesn't have words to respond, instead nodding and curling against Johnny's chest as he settles into his lap, still exhausted even after his short rest.]

Where did you go?

[He tries not to be hurt by the absence, given that Johnny has asked his forgiveness for it. There has to be some reason he would have gone, some errand he had to run.]

[He shifted his arms to hold Sola more securely, resting his back against the hearth so they could still feel the warmth of the fire.]

I went out to get us some money. It's not a whole lot, but it should be enough to cover things to start, once we leave here. There were some hang ups along the way and that delayed me.

[His eyes drifted to the bag and he nodded towards it.]

And I got you a dessert I thought you might like...but it can wait till morning, you should sleep more.

Hmm...I'll need to get a job here, something that can support us.

[The fire feels nice, as does Johnny's arms securely around him, keeping all the bad things at bay. The feeling that this may all be a dream hasn't dissipated entirely, not yet, but Sola continues to reason to himself it must be real, and even if it's not he would rather live the lie. He even smiles slightly, the earlier panic giving way to a cautious comfort.]

You're always taking care of us.

[His smile is old, somehow; the lines of worry and trial lending years to Sola's once completely youthful face. Granted he'll probably look better after a bath and some time with a proper diet.]

I'm still hungry. What did you get?

Edited 2013-01-11 06:12 (UTC)

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