makinglies | Duplicity AU: Justice for a General

He braced a hand on the sofa and pushes himself up to sit, and even managed not to wince when he did it. "How unfortunate for the couch." Meaning, not so much, that anyone Anders was fond of was lucky (though there was that), but that Alaric might burn the couch once he got up from it.

He reached out and brushed his fingers over Anders' hand, just for the barest moment. "I remember what happened. I don't remember why it happened." It was a strange line and he knew it, but it was important because he was not going to forget today for a very, very long time - if ever. "I was in the City long enough to see how many other people were affected. I imagine Haven was a madhouse."

Edited (fixing my tense, sorry.) 2020-10-01 06:57 (UTC)

Anders might set the fire himself for how uncomfortable Alaric looked on it, or at least crush the thing to splinters to make kindling easier in the fireplace. That was a thought.

He felt a small shiver at the touch, felt the near-overwhelming urge to reach back...and didn't as that disapproval at such selfish thoughts caught his hand. He compromised instead, and placed his hand beside Alaric's knee so his thumb might 'accidentally' brush by. Instead, he focused on the words.

"It was...there are plenty who came in with bite marks or exhaustion, those that would talk to us mentioned it was sexual...did you...?" Of course he did, every sign was there and now Anders' hand did move to Alaric's knee as fear and concern surged up in him that acted as kindling for the sheer fury the line of thought brought up in him.

"They all said it was as consensual as it could be, considering their mindset...please...was that the case for you?" Even as he spoke, the amber of his eyes brightened to blue in a snap of Justice's anger mixing and stoking Anders' own, personal, brand. If any of Alaric's 'partners' had simply taken advantage, that may well be Anders' first stop before locating the source of this. Justice could hold in vengeance's wake and that thought alone kept the sick from settling in his stomach. Anger was far more useful than fear or worry.

He was not the most demonstrative of people, but he was becoming more so with Anders. Some of it was familiarity and affection, some was that it was simply practical.

Meaning that it often seemed like Anders wanted the contact but would not reach for it, and since Alaric also wanted it - he just did.

This time his motive was more complicated, but he put his hand over Anders', his fingers looped around Anders' wrist with just enough pressure to feel the healer's pulse.

"No one took advantage of me, except whatever is going on in the City and was also taking advantage of them. Can you help me?" Manipulative? Yes. Guilty for being so? Not at all. "Please." Really manipulative, actually, but if it was effective he was fine with it.

That change in Anders' eyes (and in Anders)....

His heart stuttered for the contact, but there was comfort in it as well, that tactile need in him that ached and often went unanswered because it wasn't important, satiated for now.

The rest was a smoother balm to his soul than he was expecting, though it only quieted part of the fury...the rest...the rest was not his own, though he agreed enough that it was. He had half an idea of ensuring Alaric was comfortable before storming off before any more of Justice could reveal itself...but that voice and that please...

Distraction.

"I...I really should-" Go. He is only one, what if there is another who is not so lucky? How many others are suffering right now? He stood, but didn't let go of Alaric's hand, he wasn't sure he knew how in that moment. Instead, he took a steadying breath, the blue breaking from his eye to draw a small crack in the skin next to it before it zipped like lightning down his jaw and faded. This boy takes too much of your time.

He pressed the thought down, practiced now, after so many years of putting his work aside to follow Hawke on her misadventures to ensure his friend returned home safe and not bleeding on his doorstep, fool that she was. Now it was Alaric taking his attention and in such a similar way that was oh-so dangerous. "Of course. Whatever you need is yours." He offered a smile and tugged on their hold to pull the other man up.

He watched Anders fight with himself, with a steady gaze that wasn't too aware or calculating but stayed quietly... anticipatory?

He let himself be relieved, and to show that relief just a bit, when Anders finally said that he would stay, and said of course like there had never been any doubt. He couldn't be sure that there hadn't been, but there had been that 'I should', and there was standing and-

He was relieved, but not so much for his own sake just then.

He did rely on Anders' hand in standing, though. He couldn't banish his own fatigue anymore - that was why he collapsed to begin with - and he was incredibly sore after having rested. Standing up was effort and uncomfortable and his hand tightened a bit more to make sure the contact between them wasn't broken.

Letting that reliance show... that was a decision.

"Bath, clean clothing, food?" That was a lot but if he could keep Anders relatively still for a while - maybe. Maybe. If nothing else he wouldn't be getting into trouble out there.

Pulling Alaric up was easy and it was easier to wrap an arm around his waist for support, like he hadn't just wrested control from his overly-determined friend. He'd quieted his spirt for now, this would be enough to take his focus.

Justice didn't need friends or attachments, he needed purpose cause. In Thedas, it had been the cause of mages, the suffering, abuse, and tyranny over a people for their gifts and the complacency of society for that pain. That goal had seen it's end, vengeance and justice attained and the rebellion started...then there was nothing as Hawke left him alone on the road with his life and no goal. Then he was here and the cause was clear: the cause of submissives and the same suffering they endured. Justice had latched on and not let go, he had his purpose. Anders needed more, ashamed as he was of that. He needed connection and a face for the cause...which was Alaric. Most of Anders' friend here were also dominants, but Alaric kept his focus, made the cause smaller and personal. His friend deserved better.

Right now, he deserved care and attention. "Yes, yes, and yes." He lead them into Alaric's room and only parted with the intention of leaving him to undress while Anders drew a bath, instead he found himself caught for a moment while he reached up to stroke back some of his hair. "Shall I draw the bath, or..?" He didn't want to seem like he was pressing his advantage by offering to help Alaric undress, even with his intentions pure, but he seemed worn down and like the fumbling of tired fingers might make the task more difficult.

He does not sit down. If he does, he will both have to stand up again and feel like he has transferred his... grossness to the bed. That is psychological, almost entirely - his clothes are bad, but not that bad - but it is still a factor.

More importantly, he does not want to lose Anders.

Not even metaphorically. Not right now. Not tonight. Not with what's going on outside these walls.

He stands there, meets Anders eyes steadily and simply repeats: "Help me." A pause. "Please help me with this." Could he do it? Not very well, but he could. This? This is more about keeping Anders here.

It was permission enough for him and he focused on that, the careful task of helping his friend out of his clothes, leaving them to their fate on the floor to be tended to later. His mind quieted with the task, Justice still a low thrum over his being, a mantle on his shoulders, but Anders himself felt more calm for it. The anger was hot in him, a pool of magma that threatened to spit and burn, but this was a cool breeze to his face as much as he hated the need for it, the reason behind it. If he thought of it as simply Alaric's needs being tended to and not of the source as some foreign, malicious, magic leaving it's touch and then other's touch on someone he cared for, he could breathe and be here. Alaric needed him here. It kept his thoughts from burning him and the shame of...all of it from choking.

Anders didn't hesitate this time as he took the other man's hand and lead him into the bathroom to draw the bath. Showers were still strange to him, though he saw their worth, this was familiar and the fact the water came in hot was convenient, though he intended to ensure the temperature held that way no matter how long Alaric needed to stay. As the tub filled, Anders wrapped his arm around him to keep him pressed to his side.

For support was the lie he was willing to tell himself.

The lie that Alaric was telling himself, was that he accepted the help in undressing, entirely and only as a means of manipulation in getting Anders to stay put for a while. To stay safe, and maybe even to find a little rest - even if it wouldn't be peace.
Those were also true but Alaric was benefitting too. In having the help, in having Anders close.

He didn't stay pressed against Anders side long, once they were in the bathroom, but instead pivoted just a little around so he had more of his body pressed into Anders, almost hiding against him a little. He also shivered, albeit only a very little.

"I want you in the bath with me."

That wasn't a lie. He did want it. Still manipulating.

He tried desperately not to think about the fit of them and how his arm around Alaric tightened as he pressed in. Instead he focused on the shiver, small but noticeable with how close they where. He brought one hand in the place near the middle of his spine and the other pressed to the back of Alaric's neck, both slowly heating with a bit of his fire magic while his eyes stayed on the water level.

At least until Alaric said that. Anders looked over to him, his expression a mix of uncertainty and surprise. When was the last time he had even bathed with someone? The wardens, maybe, and that hardly seemed to count. Yet, it was sort of the same...companionship, a bath drawn late at night, pressed close not for traditional intimacy, but for comfort because nightmares had chased them both from their beds, so much worse for being so close to a Blight. Even Justice felt a little more calm for the familiar thought.

He regained himself and his expression softened as he pulled one hand away from it's previous job to turn off the water. "Alright. Go ahead and get in, dunk your head, you'll feel better. I'll be right behind you."

He had done a lot of fucking as the result of the portal's influence. It had been desperate, hard, fast, and almost completely lacking in sensuality. Connection, closeness, intimacy? The warm hands and light pressure of a familiar person? Those were things he needed after all that meaningless sex.

He moved away from Anders, but only with reluctance and only after he'd been reassured that Anders was going to join him. "You had better be," he murmured, in a tone that was mostly succeeding at being a joke rather than any kind of threat.

Then he did climb in, sank into the hot water and then slid under it. Stayed under it just a little longer than he hand to, to let the heat fully sink into skin and muscle, before surfacing and swiping his hair back from his face.

And immediately reaching a hand out for Anders. That part was mostly about Anders, though. He could not shake the feeling that Anders was going to walk back out the door at any second and he could not shake the idea that something terrible would happen if he did.

Anders did as promised, thankful for the easier clothing than the dark robes he'd arrived in and still wore time-to-time, so that his last article of clothing met the floor quickly enough. He waited a bit by the side of the tub, more than willing to wait for Alaric to be done doing his best impression of a fish.

When he broke the surface, Anders stepped forward and caught the hand that seemed to reach-though surely not for him. Maybe just an instinct born from the trauma of the day. That made sense. Still, Anders wrapped his fingers around Alaric's arm and squeezed lightly to reassure while his gaze sought that of his friend. "I've got you. If you're done swimming..." He said it with a soft smile, but made good on his promise and stepped into the large tub.

At least there was that. They could probably share the thing comfortably with only some contact, but that wasn't what he reached for now. He hoped it was okay, but it was familiar. He pulled Alaric to him to coax him into sitting between his legs, back-to-chest. It would let him take care of Alaric's hair, but it would also give him a moment to just wrap his arms around the younger man's shoulders and chest, a fully encompassing hug to keep the monsters in the deep away. Sigrun, Nate, Velenna -when she deigned to let him, though it was easier in the quiet hours of the morning when no one spoke anyway. This was the first step in shaking the things now sharing their heads and bodies. The monsters in the shadows they would never escape, but they had each other at their backs.

He wanted to be at Alaric's back in the same way, to chase off the monsters in the shadows that thought him a target, not noticing there was a different monster in Alaric's shadow. Not that he needed Anders' help, he seemed strong and capable and there was something more to him he barely touched on...but that didn't change Anders' desire to be there- here- anyway.

He took very little coaxing to go to Anders and settle between Ander's legs and settle back against his chest. The warm water and warm arms were enveloping, soothing and--

familiar to him in a way too.

It made him think of nights after battles, of Brion and breaking away from the troop to find somewhere to be alone - not so much for the sex but to heal as much as they could. The water was never warm, but the fire after was and there was just a return to ground, to safety and to as much peace as any soldier ever really got.

Battles here were different, but they were still battles.

He folded his arms over Anders', wrapped his hands around Anders' forearms lightly and closed his eyes and held on. The holding on? That was familiar too, though it was always more about ensuring continued presence in the other person than truly clinging. Clinging was... a rare luxury for him.

That it was different somehow was a lie he told himself.

"That feels... good. We should have done this before."

Anders hummed a bit in response, tilting his head so he could rest his forehead to the water-slicked hair in front of him. Eyes closed, steam swirling in the air about them, he could almost envision they weren't here, but maybe somewhere safer. Somewhere where the monsters fought were ones they could actually raise a hand to instead of their chins.

Briefly, so briefly, he let himself imagine that: this touch and closeness a regular occurrence, despite everything else, some of the smaller cracks in himself healed by just having Alaric wrapped in his arms like this. He couldn't bare imagine anything more than this attachment, though, Alaric deserved better than the hopeless fantasies that flit through. Shame and dread rushed through him, but he held a little tighter for them in defiance. Justice could shove his opinions for a little longer.

"We can do it again. I would be happy to hold you like this anytime, bathtub or no." For Alaric's sake only, of course. Anders would be fine, he always was, but if he was needed and happened to get something from the contact, he couldn't possibly be blamed for enjoying what he could. "The tragedy, now, is that I still need to clean your hair and we'll need to part for that."

He slid his had sideways a little, along Anders shoulder and away from his forehead. That way he could see Anders, at least in profile.

His hair did need washed - and conditioned and detangled. He would feel better when it was done, but also:

"No."

He had Anders arms, and he wasn't holding hard but he wasn't letting go, either. He had priorities, he had opinions and he was making both of them known quite clearly.

Anders gave a startled laugh and turned his head to look at Alaric as best he could, mirth shining in his eyes. "Oh, really? My mistake, then, messere, I thought you'd wish to be clean."

He studied Alaric's face a moment, then leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek, though a swift rush of shame swept through him that was all his own. That was ridiculous and horrible. He needed to better contain his affection, already far too deep for their somewhat new friendship....

And yet...

No. The feeling is intense and sends a pulse of a headache through his forehead that has him turning his face back away instead of risk looking into the light in his arms. Justice was right, he was too old for this, he had no business with such feelings when there were other things to be concerned with.

His smile was dimmed, but not gone, caught in it's usual placement. "I will need my fingers, at least, to maintain the water's temperature."

He should be able to read Anders. He should be able to read Anders well. That he could not was frustrating and just a little frightening. Trying to rely on visible cues with no additional input--

He didn't know what happened. He knew that Anders kissed him and that made him happy because it was such a sweet gesture. He knew that Anders turned away after that and came back less happy, less bright, less warm. Like an afterimage.

His eyebrows drew down and he forgot what he was talking about, forgot about the bath and his soreness and the day for the moment. He twisted further, slow and careful, so he could put one hand on each side of Anders' face, hold it there lightly and kiss him.

Soft. Warm. Chaste, but on the mouth and a little lingering. Then he slid back into position. "I suppose that can be arranged."

The kiss catches him completely by surprise but he responds automatically, eyes closed and face tilted in to press back, chaste but needing for the thrill in his chest and the small contented sound that slips from him unbidden.

Then the pressure is gone and Anders is left reeling, even Justice blissfully silent for a moment, the thrum seemed...less, like just after the Chantry rained debris on the city. A moment of deep satisfaction. Alaric returns to where he was and Anders' arms tightening around him as the hum returns, softer, hesitant...confused. He dipped his fingers into the water and let some mana spill out, bringing the water back up to just a bit beyond comfortable.

"Alaric...I...you probably-" He let the words fall away, unsure where they were headed other than 'you shouldn't do that' and 'I would like to do that more too' but both sounded wrong. He turned his mind to something else instead, he shouldn't think about it. If he acknowledged it, he could ruin it.

"Thank you....are you feeling any better?"

He should protest the use of effort to keep the water this hot, he really should, but it feels so amazingly good. Cold rivers, baths that take too long to heat to ever be completely hot-- hot water at all is luxury and he should not be falling into the absolute hedonistic enjoyment of how hot this water is.

Yet, he absolutely was. It felt good. Would feel good even if his body hadn't been ...pushed through the day, but with that? It was so incredible it made him sink down a little lower and (incredibly softly) groan.

He takes Anders' hand, lifts it and kisses the inside of Anders' wrist before settling Anders hand back down and covering it with his own. "I should what?"

He's glad Alaric can't see him, really, because the way the line of his back relaxes and that soft noise he barely even caught puts a small, self-satisfied smirk on his face.

He might be terrible at this, connections and affections, but he was good with his magic. A mage always needed good control, both over their magic and over themselves, to avoid possession and hurting others.

Well...he'd walked into both. But he did have good control.

He debated on answering Alaric, letting him know that he shouldn't get too attached or care too much, Anders had broken pieces that stuck out and cut when people came too close. He'd lost every friend he'd had, even Hawke, and he would surely lose Alaric too. Likely by hurting him.

That was asking to open his chest a bit more than he trusted himself too, than Justice trusted him to. He leaned forward to brush his lips to Alaric's back. "You should enjoy your bath and let me clean your hair."

He knows there are things there that aren't being said - that much still works, at least most of the time.

But the important thing is that when Anders pushes back, even gently, ALaric... doesn't roll over, so much as stops and admits that this is also a thing he should do and then does it. He releases Anders' hands from his own.

"I suppose you would have a hard time running away at the same time as doing my hair, but I will be coming back to this when we've finished."

Please just - touch him. Hair washing counts. Just touch him. Affectionately, with care, from a known person and maybe some sensuality. That need... has not gone away, at all.

"Hmm." He put that thought aside for a moment and set to work on getting the soaps for Alaric's hair, gently lathering it and running it from roots to tips as a comfortable silence fell between them. Once the soap was in, he encouraged Alaric to sink further down and folded one foot under his right leg so it was elevated enough to give the other man a place to lay back so Anders could work the suds from his hair.

Even once he was sure the soap was out, he continued combing his fingers through the long strands. "What's this about 'running away' that you're so concerned with?"

It tookvery little encouragement for him to lean back and give Anders all the access to Alaric's hair that Anders could possibly want. He, in fact, melted into it - though he took the opportunity to trail his fingers up and down Anders' calf and ankle when he was there.

He didn't answer immediately. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He closed his eyes and carried on the rhythmic touch, as much self-soothing as simply soothing.

"I feel like if you leave, it will be to do something stupid that will get you hurt. I don't want you to."

When pushed by a direct question though? At least this time, he answered.

His fingers hesitated as he processed that, his expression turning through a few emotions that he barely had time to register, let alone keep off his face. Surprise, warmth, confusion, concern, which melted into dim resignation as his thoughts suddenly split in two directions. He wanted to promise he would stay, that whatever was going on out there wasn't nearly as important as the look in Alaric's eyes or the words he offered, but Justice couldn't abide. He's diverted attention from what is truly important long enough. It doesn't matter, you can heal, it is a pointless concern.

"I appreciate that. It means...a lot that you think that, but you don't need to worry. My intention isn't for stupidity, but for answers. I should find out what it is that's hurting people. That hurt you. I very much doubt I can be affected by it." Justice wouldn't allow it, just as he prevented anything else from getting in, demons or blood magic or any other unknown abilities in this place. Anders had confidence in that, at least. "I'm not looking to get hurt, but I promise I'd be perfectly safe and anything that might hurt me, I can heal."

There was a frustration that wasn't his own that ran up his spine like burning fingers that traced the bone quickly, but he ignored it. Justice held plenty of his time, Anders wanted to give some of it to Alaric.

"It is sex," he said, quiet but with clipped precision. "Whatever it is, is making people have sex. You cannot heal people from the uncontrollable desire to have sex. You cannot heal that in anyone, least of all yourself. I should have come home and stayed here when I realized I was affected, but I didn't. You won't be any different. Simply guilty for all the people you have sex with."

Why can't he ever get through to men like this? He didn't know. He wished he knew, desperately. Even if he could get through to Anders he would not interfere with his free will but it made him want to scream.

Not that he would ever do such a thing but the desire? Just a little? It was there.

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