makinglies | Duplicity AU: Justice for a General

Anders paused. He didn't actually have an answer to that and the rush of unease he felt he couldn't even fully attribute to either himself or Justice. "No, I don't think he would. He didn't particularly like inhabiting Kristoff's."

He thought about the merits of even bringing this part up, decided it might help. "When he was in Kristoff's body, he could...remember a few things from when Kristoff was alive, like what his mission was with the Wardens and the love he'd felt for his wife. I don't think he'd want to go through that again." Another pause. "Do you want up here on the couch or do you intend to stay down there?"

"That sounds as though it could be a ...painful reminder for him?" Or just inconvenient? He was trying not to make Justice re-emerge, to be honest. At least for the rest of the night, he hoped.

For both their sakes, but he'd deal with it again if he had to. Even immediately.

He considered the question of where he wanted to be without saying anything, then pivoted and climbed not onto the couch but onto Anders' lap, facing him again and with such delicate precision he didn't even tip over Anders' apparently untouched mug of tea.

"I think so." He hoped so...it wasn't like they could talk beyond the feelings and thoughts that felt like his own but weren't always. He liked to think that Justice would be sorry to have him gone and not that he'd see it as being freed from his in-house jailer.

He didn't get to sink too much further into that thought before he suddenly had his lap (and consequently arms) full of Alaric. Not what he'd been expecting, but something he appreciated. "You're obscenely graceful, you know that, right? It's rather attractive, I won't lie to you." He bought his arms around behind Alaric, one of his hands lightly stroking at his back where it happened to rest. "So...I'm possessed by a spirit and that's...workable for you, then? Or is this your way of letting me down easy?"

He was pretty settled down against Anders, almost immediately. That left him pulling back a bit to make a glib remark about his level of gracefulness and things he found obscenely attraction.

Anders' question however caught him entirely unprepared.

His expression went black with surprise, but quickly turned to faint but undeniable confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It is. I don't understand what workable means given that, and I certainly don't understand why I would want to let you down?"

He couldn't help the slightly derisive huff of laughter, though it was wry and directed at himself more than Alaric. "Sorry, it's just that this is usually the part where people condemn me or curse my name or try to find sharp things to remove the threat or...really a few options, but not usually sit in my lap and continue to be kind and close to me."

There was something a little more open, a little more vulnerable when he looks up at Alaric. "I just want to make sure you're sure that you don't want to avoid, hate, or fear me. Now's the time to say so." Rather a swift and understandable break now than one that comes after he's let hope and affection line his heart thicker than what was already there.

He could, he thought, actually try to soften things. He could also try to deflect. He respected Anders too much to do either of those things. His voice was quiet and relatively gentle, but he didn't pull punches.

"I do not hate or wish to avoid you. I have no desire to attack you with a sharp object. I am afraid. A good deal of my fear is for you, though not all of it. I do not like the idea of being forced to risk harming you to defend myself from Justice."

Because affection would grow, and loyalty, but he was not going to not.

Anders nodded, his grip tightening almost imperceptibly. That really wasn't all that different from what he'd just lived with for the last seven six years. Most of his...Hawke's friends didn't like him, some of them used to, before, but he knew they were all at least a little on edge. They fought with him at their backs, they let him heal them, they played Wicked Grace with him at the Hanged Man and complained when he usually won. Every single one of them knew where their weapons were at a moment's notice in case 'the abomination' stopped being docile. He wasn't even sure he could blame them, especially after the Alrik debacle.

"I can live with that if you can. I don't want to put you in that position either, but I am glad you'll defend yourself. I will always do what I can to put your safety over my comfort as long as you're with me, I hope you know that or, at least, can learn it."

One arm still firmly around Alaric's back, the other abandoned it's post to trail up and gently stroke Alaric's cheek. He shouldn't do that. He also shouldn't wish to kiss him, but that one he could at least resist in deference to what his friend had already been through today.

"I'm sorry, but I think I must admit that I would very much like to kiss you, if I may."

Well...mostly resist.

He was conflicted and that showed in a slightly frustrated expression and the fact that he laughed, but his laugh came out a touch strangled. There was warmth there all the same, but--

He had things to say about that level of prioritization.

Then again, maybe he shouldn't say them. Even if he wasn't reluctant to risk derailing the hand on his face and offer of (request for) a kiss. He might be able to use that later.

So, he decided to let that particular thing go and answered the 'request'.
"Yes, please." He curled his fingers around Ander's neck, leaned in and kissed him. Soft and light, but not confident or unsure. Just giving Anders an answer and waiting on Anders to (he hoped) kiss back.

It wasn't a fair position to put someone into, but the situation wasn't fair. He wasn't fair, he'd known that all his life. It was part of being with him, in any sense of that word.

He almost thought something might be said about it, but instead Alaric said yes and that was all that mattered. Said yes and initiated which put a flutter in Anders' heart like he was a teenager again and kissing his crush for the first time behind a bookcase. He didn't have to be quite so careful here.

He pressed back, the hand at Alaric's cheek slipping into his hair instead to pull him close. It was chaste, but it was heated, a certain level of need to it that gave too much away for how much just that meant to him. His affections ran too deep and sank in too easy. Not for everyone, but for certain someones...once his heart had decided, there was little his mind (or Justice) could do. For just a moment, he forgot it was better if he didn't do this to them.

When they parted again, Anders didn't go far, just pressed another kiss to the corner of Alaric's mouth. "Thank you."

He had some desperation of his own - not so much about Justice or in the aftermath of that, though that was part of it, but in the aftermath of his day.

Things weren't settled, no, and Justice was a concern but that kiss reminded him how badly he needed contact, needed affection, needed someone he trusted. He returned the kiss with control and stayed largely chaste, but his own brand of need was in there, too.

He made a low noise at the kiss to the corner of his mouth but immediately just curled down against Anders and slid his hands between Ander's back and the couch. "I don't want to hear gratitude from you for affection ever again. I will bite you." He pauses. "In places and ways that won't be enjoyable."

He gave a surprised laugh and curled his arms back around Alaric. Maker, even just holding him put so much warmth in him...mages aren't supposed to fall in love, but he could already tell he was failing that rule.

"I'll be more careful, I certainly would rather have the enjoyable bites. Maybe give a few of my own..." He nuzzled very lightly into the side of Alaric's head. "You know, a bed would likely be better for cuddling, just saying."

"If we move to a bed, what we end up doing will not be cuddling." It might be sleeping, actually, even if that's not what he was implying.

Sooner or later the adrenaline would have to wear off and he would have to trust Anders to go about his life. That point was just 'almost' not 'now'. The revelation about Anders and the out of control day of sex were- well, certainly a combination.

"And we can't have that." He said it teasingly, but took the meaning at face-value. Alaric had done more than enough 'physical activity' today, that wasn't Anders' intention in the least. Not today, anyway, another day when the idea wasn't so distasteful.

"Very well, I accept my new role as a bed, my good ser." He finally reached for his long-cooled tea and took a sip of it, his other hand taking up the important job of drawing symbols on Alaric's back.

"If this is still going on tomorrow, what are your intentions?"

He takes it at face value too; that Anders wan't going to be offended that Alaric didn't want to fall asleep.

Sadly the hand on his back was soothing and he pretty quickly settled his head down against Ander's chest. He didn't bother looking up in response to the question.

"Hope I can't be affected twice, see if there's any way I can be helpful to the people who are, and try to keep Subversion devolving into chaos that will result in people being hurt." How many options were there, really?

Anders hummed around his tea and set it back down to trace his hand down Alaric's arm. "I don't suppose I could convince you to come to Haven with me instead? You could help there instead?"

It was a hopeful thought, but not one he figured would result in anything. Alaric took his work seriously and if he thought he could be useful…Anders couldn't and wouldn't argue. That didn't stop him from wanting to have Alaric somewhere he knew he could keep him safe.

He took his job seriously because he was him, not because he believed the work to be particularly important in and of itself, or that he made much difference there.

He bit Anders' throat, lazily as he considered his answer. He...wasn't entirely sure how to feel about it. It would keep him close, but. "Will that leave you less...conflicted?"

He tried not to shudder at even the light nip, but he was only a man and, occasionally, a weak one. "It would. You're my priority here."

For a number of reasons. "It's only a request." He certainly didn't want either of them to feel like Anders was trying to control him, he'd never want that.

Well, that reaction was interesting. "Your priority but not Justice's. If I can easy that conflict, I will. My job here is only a job." He wasn't loyal to Damon or Subversion. He moved his mouth again and repeated the nip, more directly over Ander's pulse. Experimentally.

No, not Justice's...he wishes he could correct that, but he couldn't. Justice would want him out searching for the cause of the magic, but he could corral that energy into helping patients instead. If Alaric were nearby, at least he could split his worry in fewer directions. "Thank you. It will help."

He intended to say more, but what came out of his mouth was a small gasp as he leaned his head back more. "...you're being very cruel."

He takes Anders' earlobe delicately between his teeth and tugs gently before leaning back to look at him.

"I am being cruel?"

Seriously, Anders? Is he meant to take that seriously? ...Because he might actually be worried.

His eyes fluttered shut for just a moment and he could feel a small flare of annoyance from Justice in the back of his mind but thoroughly ignored it. Even if he was going to lose, he wanted to play this game.

"Yes. You're tempting me with touches that a stronger man may be able to withstand. I do not want to step over whatever line may be between us, and I certainly don't wish to ask for anything when you've been through enough." His hand reached up and dipped into Alaric's hair with a very soft tug to try and have Alaric look at him. "In case you are unaware, you have a very profound effect on me."

He responded to the tug - and intent behind it - by pushing back a little and looking up so he could meet Anders' eyes.

"The only line between us is the one you have drawn and have decided exists." He could say so much more about assumptions about what he needs, what he actually needs, just - He didn't because that one statement said it all.

"And whatever that line is you need to tell me."-

His eyes searched Alaric's, but whatever he thought he was looking for there, he didn't find. "I want to believe you. I don't want there to be a line, but you've seen what I am. The threat I pose. I don't want you tangled in my mess or hurt for it. You would be better served drawing that line for yourself."

An offering, a door held open, though he wasn't sure if he wanted Alaric to walk through it or close it, he had to offer it. He was not an easy man to be around on a good day.

"My line is that I will do whatever is necessary to protect myself from Justice, up to and including killing you."

It's not said meanly, but there's a sort of flat finality in that. He will not be victimized by someone who happens to live in Anders' body and realizing that will also kill Anders means he will try other methods first.

But he is hardly going to lay down and die to avoid it.

Anders leaned in to steal Alaric's lips in another heated, but short kiss. When he pulled away, there was relief as much as there was determination. "Good."

If he ever hurt someone he cared for because of himself or Justice, he would want to be put down. If someone else didn't do it, he was sure he could find the courage to do it himself.

"Then I don't want there to be a line. I want to kiss you whenever I'm allowed, pet your hair in the quiet hours of the day, and hold you close when we're alone. I want to touch you on our terms, not the city's and I want to see you bend over and under me. I want to tell you how amazing I think you are until you're sick of hearing it."

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