makinglies | Duplicity AU: Justice for a General

If he stays here, he can keep an eye on Alaric in person, he can protect him if anything comes looking for him, nothing could get through Anders.

If he stays here, the city remains in danger and countless people suffer and something wrong and malicious is loosed on the city. What if it is a Desire Demon? Demons couldn't be abided by.

"Enough." His voice isn't only his own, a deeper one, with an echo of a place too far removed overlaps and mingles and he isn't sure if he's talking to himself, Justice, Anders, or Alaric.

If he doesn't regain control, would Justice hurt Alaric? Would it be like that girl from the circle, seconds from death at Vengeance's (Anders') hands? Would he be forced to watch through blue-tinted eyes as his body betrayed him? Or would he simply wake up with his friend's blood on his hands?

If he stays complacent, he is complicit, how much of the pain in this city is his fault? If he focuses on one boy, how many souls will scream out for justice because he was too selfish to-

Anders scooped the water up and threw it into his own face, the change in temperature the shock to his system he needed to shake his head and press down. "Enough." Now it was only Anders...quiet...tired, eyes glued to his hands in the water as though he could see the blood be washed from them now, even as he knew it wasn't true.

He felt wrung out, stretched too far and hollowed. Justice sat like a low rumble of a distant storm in the back of his mind, subsiding, but a vicious headache in his place as retribution.

"I'm sorry...you're right. I'll...I should go- from the bath, not-" Despite his fumbling attempts at a sentence, he didn't move, not immediately. He focused instead on the temperature again, something he could actually control.

He did not understand what he was seeing - had seen, was hearing. There were things it reminded him of - really, really, horrifying things involving people who had been and were dead - but it was not quite right.

It was all terrifying, and yet it was still the man who had seen him when he'd first arrived in the city and eased his headache. Who had offered him a contract. Who was now trying to remove himself from Alaric, uncertain and clearly upset.

And yet there was-

He didn't understand.

There was still soap in his hair. What an inane, but very clear thought to have then. He stayed silent, watching Anders, then slowly moved himself enough to turn around in the water. He put his hands slowly on Ander's shoulders and pulled himself into his lap, knees pressed between the tub and Ander's hips. Naked but absolutely not being seductive.

"Look at my instead," he said, softly.

The water was warm again and Anders told himself he'd stand up, he really would, in a moment. When he was sure the headache wouldn't make him sway, that was the reason, not because part of him was afraid of Alaric's expression. His response. Anders had lived with this for a third of his life now, he knew when he'd let too much slip through, when he was close to losing control completely and letting Justice free. Alaric wasn't an idiot, he'd seen something, Anders was sure.

Yet just as he'd started to find his resolve to actually leave, Alaric was in his lap, Anders hands coming up to rest at his hips on instinct even as his gaze snapped up to meet Alaric's eyes. He was confused and scared and beyond worried.

Why wasn't he furious or afraid or hateful? Why wasn't he simply sending Anders from him as anyone sane should with an abomination?

"Why? Why are you trying to comfort me? I just..." Still, his grip tightened on Alaric's hips even as he questioned, not for anything more than a quite need to not lose the grounding contact.

He wasn't defensively snarling and lashing out anymore. He just looked - just was - confused and very, very worried.

He was capable of handling what he had to handle. He knew that. That confidence - near arrogance - afforded him some freedom. Just like who Anders was around him, afforded Anders some compassion.

The hands on his hips also felt... really good and, for him in that moment incredibly reassuring. Ironic, he knew, but true. It grounded him as well.

"Because something is," very, "wrong."

No nonono....he can't shouldn't get into this. Yet he was already in it, they both were, Alaric had seen...but how was Anders supposed to explain? Merely calling himself an 'abomination' wouldn't work, it would merely sound self-depreciating, even as the word itself was accurate in his context.

He should have known better than to contract with someone, even Alaric, with his...unique situation. No, perhaps, it would have been better to simply tell Alaric from the get go.

"It's not new...this isn't something the city has done, it's something...I have done, seven years ago when I was barely older than you. I have lived with it- him- this with mixed results. I thought it wouldn't be a problem, but I was wrong." He shook his head, his eyes falling to Alaric's chest. "I understand if you aren't comfortable being around me, he's- we're a lot. That? What just happened? That was a good day. I can get you your own place, someplace secluded. You've no need to stay with me while we're contracted." Maker, please, just leave it.

There were many, many reactions he could have had. His overwhelming and immediate one however was his confusion sharpening because it sounded like Anders was saying-

"You're possessed?"

He was Deryni, but he was also Catholic.

It was what he had.

Anders flinched like he'd been slapped and blinked blankly at Alaric's chest.

Of course. Of course possession and demons and everything about that wouldn't be a uniquely Thedas thing, he would only be so lucky or unlucky, as the case may be. That...simplified things, if also not at all.

"Yes..." he said it slowly, then brought his eyes back up to meet Alaric's. "I don't know how it works for you, but only mages may be possessed by demons in Thedas. We're trained to learn signs and avoid them and protect ourselves from them. For my case...I accepted a spirit into my soul, he was a very dear friend, trapped outside of his home and in mine. I offered to help, thinking a willing friend would make it easier. Yet I corrupted him, my anger turned him into something harsher than he used to be."

'Since when is Justice soft? Justice is righteous and hard.'
Since when is Justice angry? That was him

"His name is Justice and he is a spirit that embodies that virtue and all it means." Including slipping into Vengeance instead. Maybe it was more vengeance than not these days.

They were naked.

They were in a bathtub.

Alaric was sitting in Anders' lap with soap drying in his hair.

Alaric was effectively aware of none of the ridiculousness of that situation. He was deeply uneasy and uncomfortable, but he kept it off his face - along with most other expression.

He had the urge to shift, or fidget or just move. He didn't.

At least, he thought, he had information now, and information that made some sense, at that.

"Why was a demon your friend?"

'He wasn't a demon, he was a spirit, they're different things.' Was what he wanted to say, to explain any of this peacefully, calmly. Instead, he hears Alaric say 'demon' and everything seems to go blue. He can only watch as his hands push Alaric back with supernatural strength and his body stands, unnoticing and uncaring of his state of dress as a spirit has no awareness of physical forms and no shame for them. "I am no demon." The voice was not Anders, but something deeper and heavier with a terrible and righteous confidence.

Justice stands and the blue cracks erupt as fissures from the bright blue glow of his eyes, branching out, down his face, his necks, his shoulders and chest, going thinner and further with the spirit in control. More than that, is the blue haze that surrounds his movements like an after-image.

Anders fought with every scrap of himself he could snatch, screaming from his own mind not to hurt him, to listen to reason, to leave him be. Perhaps Justice would have listened, only taken with irritation and offense, Vengeance hadn't been the friend Anders remember in a long time and certainly not since the Chantry. He watched and felt the mana brewing in his hands, his fire magic crackling in the air as Vengeance prepared to cast it at his 'enemy.'

He was not going to stay down while whatever thing was wearing Anders' body loomed over him; he stood up and he glared.

He had magic. He could lash out - with raw force, with a spell, with telekensis. He had options. They were at his metaphorical fingertips. He used them only to form a shield around himself, of force and power that shimmered just faintly but without color.

"Then stop acting like one," he snapped. Honestly? He was afraid. He was angry. He still, somehow, managed to come across like he was talking to a naughty six year old. It was just what he did under those sorts of circumstances.

Justice brought the fireball down on the shield and the flames broke against them uselessly. "You do not know me. You cannot understand. You stand in the way of righteousness and what is just."

The fire died away -a useless endeavor- and he switches tactics, reaching to Anders' magic to pull on something more effective. He curled Anders' fist and the swirl of white mana surrounded the nuisance and began pressing in, threatening to crush Alaric with an unseen force the moment that barrier gave way. Justice could maintain this, even if he needed to dip into Anders' health to do so. It would be a worthwhile sacrifice to remove this obstruction to their goal.

"There is nothing just-"

He could probably try to maintain a standoff. He might even manage for quite a while, but it seemed like a less than effective tactic. Also, he was furious.

He shoved out abruptly and hard, with that wall of invisible force.

"-about abusing someone who tried to help you, you asinine child!"

The force is not unlike Anders' own Mind Blast spell and Justice recognizes it. Unfortunately, recognizing it didn't change a human body's response and Justice's inability to do anything more than break the majority of the tension to avoid harm. It still resulted in Justice stumbling back, though he had no real perception of his surroundings and Anders' foot caught the edge of the tub and sent them sprawling back out onto the floor. The force, fall, and an unkind greeting of Anders' head with the tile had the energy in the room and the haze snapping out of existence like a broken band. The cracks blinked out and normal amber eyes were left blinking numbly at the ceiling.

"What..?" Anders sat up on one elbow, his other hand pressing to his head as he looked back up to Alaric with a look of horror. "I'm so sorry."

"I do not know why, that was hardly you and even if it were you're the one who has hit your head."

He was angry but his anger was not at Anders and there was no bleed over. "Can you sit up?" he offered a hand, in case it was needed. "How do you feel?"

Anders looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "Because I- we attacked you. It might not have been my intention, but it was my magic."

He sat up, ignoring the sharp pulse in his head, though whether it was from the floor or Justice's irritation, he really couldn't tell. Maybe both. Still, he took Alaric's hand, but held onto it. "What about you? Did he- I hurt you?"

He kept hold of the hand as well and stepped out of the tub to crouch down in front of Anders and study his eyes.

"Not at all, though I am sorry that I knocked you over. I would do it again, of course, but that doesn't stop the regret."

He was actually very together, even unruffled. Some of that was the expression of irritation, but it was not a facade either. If it had been a front, he would have been much quieter.

"I hope you would. I give you full permission to not feel regret for defending yourself." He said it with a small smile, even if he didn't fully feel the humor there.

With some conformation Alaric was ok, Anders pressed a hand to his head to cast some of his healing magic into it. It stopped most of the pulsing, though a bit of it must still be Justice.

He met Alaric's eyes again, a hint of that cautious fear back in his eyes. "You're taking this...remarkably well...if you're waiting to see if I keel over dead before letting me have it, I promise I'm fine."

"I've no idea what happened to make you decide that he was your friend, but I imagine it involves some level of stupidity on your end." He was still just fine, thank you. He stood up and pulled on Anders' hand while he did. "Now, if you are truly fine could you possibly see fit to remove the soap from my hair?"

"Let's fix that, then." Anders stood, though there was a bit of hurt from Alaric's assessment that he shoved aside, and motioned for Alaric to get back in the tub. There was probably water splashed on the floor from the encounter, but Anders only vaguely cared. It would dry. Instead, he focused on heating up the water again.

With no one harmed, the outburst from Justice could almost be seen as a good thing. He was usually calmer for a few days to a week afterwards. Though, whatever was going on out there might push that forward. He would have to keep an eye on his friend.

He returned to rinsing Alaric's hair, paying close attention to the hairline and scalp where it was easy to miss.

He kissed Anders lightly before returning to the tub and he wasn't quite as relaxed as he had been, no, but the hot water and hands in his hair still felt good. His earlier exhaustion might even catch back up with him (in a positive way).

"DO you remember what happens when he's..." Whatever he was. "In control?"

Edited 2020-10-02 19:30 (UTC)

Maybe it was in his head or real, but there was a bit of a difference between them now, certainly from how it had been before. A Tension. It only made sense and Anders didn't try to do or say anything to fix it. There really wasn't anything he could say.

Once the soap was finally gone, he took a moment to free his hair from it's small ponytail and dunked his head as well, despite Alaric asking his question. Only after he'd surfaced and swept the strands back again did he answer. "Sometimes. Sometimes I can only watch, other times, I've merely 'woken up' without memory of what's been said or done." It hadn't happened often, but those times were more terrifying than being helpless in his own skin.

It was real - sort of. Alaric was more tense and more generally keyed up, but it was not all a negative thing. He knew what that background noise in Anders was. He knew at least some of the signs to watch out for and what they meant. He understood what was driving Anders away from him and out into the city.

He had more information.

He waited until Anders had resurfaced before he said anything, and when he did it was simple and direct. "That must be very difficult to live with. It's no wonder that you seem so tired all the time. You are physically supporting two people." One of them a healer, the other one... that.

Anders considered that a moment, then shook his head. "I appreciate the sentiment, but Justice's existence doesn't exhaust me on principle. He can make me work too long or too hard because spirits don't have a concept of time or rest, but the not sleeping well came before him. It just made it worse, I'll admit. He can...take too much from me, sometimes, but he doesn't do it maliciously. We help each other."

Most of the time. Not when Justice attacks someone who matters as much as Alaric does.

He shifted the focus, gesturing to the water. "Do you need longer in here or should we get out? You said you were tired, yes? I imagine even more so now."

Edited 2020-10-02 22:36 (UTC)

"I meant that the inability to not pursue his objectives and trying to fit your own life around those must be exhausting. Not that his existence alone was draining."

He has serious, serious doubts about how much they help one another. Serious doubts.

He was going to refrain from mentioning those, but instead stands up and steps out of the tub, reaching for a towel. Which he offers to Anders. "I am... more invigorated than tired now, actually." Very, very wry humor around that one.

"Ah...well...yes. It can be difficult. Though, usually, we are in agreement on what should be done." And when they weren't, well, Alaric saw the result.

Anders sets the tub to drain and stands as well, taking the towel with a wry smile. "Well, doesn't that figure. How about some light food, then? We'll change the order of things, once we've found some clothes."

He wrapped the towel about his waist then paused, hesitating only a moment, before he reached out to run the tips of his fingers down the side of Alaric's face to his jaw, expression clouded. He knew Alaric didn't approve of Justice, that was painfully obvious in the various things he said, he'd heard what was said while Justice was in control, too. He just didn't know what to do about it when Alaric's resulting reaction wasn't to simply shut Anders out or turn on him.

Unless this was just out of convenience. They'd only just signed together, by all rights, he was likely just biding his time, trying to smooth things over until he could leave. Anders certainly wouldn't blame him. Yes, that was probably it and he could accept that.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject