Johnny Rayflo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
not_heavens_adam) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
makinglies2012-08-04 02:56 pm
not_heavens_adam) wrote in makinglies2012-08-04 02:56 pm
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In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby
[He sat by the edge of the bubble, back to the cold barrier and eyes trained on the nearest tree, unseeing.
It had been three weeks since he'd come back and torn out the throat of that local who'd only been trying to help. It had been so long since he'd let himself get that hungry and he had no where to turn to for his lust....not until that poor woman had gotten a little too close, smelled a little too sweet, the blood flowing through her veins was a siren's call to his starved body.
His fangs had sliced through her neck and killed the cries in her throat as they snuffed out the life in her body.
He'd drained her dry, something else he hadn't done in ages.
And even after he'd regained his senses and sat there with her in his arms...even after everyone had known what he'd done, how much they were wrong, because he was a monster, always had been, always would be....even after all of that....they'd comforted him. They'd said it wasn't his fault, that this didn't make him a monster.
He couldn't believe it. He couldn't accept and attempt to process as he had before, this was too much. Either everyone here was too stupid or too perfect....either way...they couldn't.....they couldn't possibly be real.
No one would sweep something like that aside and call something like him a friend.
It wasn't possible.
There was really only one option left, one thing left in his swirling mind that made sense, that could reconcile how incredibly impossible this all was: he really had lost his mind at some point and had broken. and that break had caused his mind, in it's own defence, to create a perfect world where a vampire could have friends and a boyfriend and people he could rely on and they would always love him no matter what.
Sola, Otoha, Serph, Crowley, Maddie, Azi, Ky, Fai,Toki, Vatheon...it was all fake. A world he'd created to escape. He was probably currently stuck in the torturous hands of Barry, the demon's plaything for all eternity, and his mind had just given up.
It made sense.
And it made him cold. Everything, the trees, the faces he'd grown to love and trust....it was all fake. There was no such thing as an Eden.
All of this had only broken him further and he'd pulled away from everything and everyone he 'loved.' It would be easier, when the illusion broke, if he wasn't attached. He just needed to accept this. This was his new reality.]
It had been three weeks since he'd come back and torn out the throat of that local who'd only been trying to help. It had been so long since he'd let himself get that hungry and he had no where to turn to for his lust....not until that poor woman had gotten a little too close, smelled a little too sweet, the blood flowing through her veins was a siren's call to his starved body.
His fangs had sliced through her neck and killed the cries in her throat as they snuffed out the life in her body.
He'd drained her dry, something else he hadn't done in ages.
And even after he'd regained his senses and sat there with her in his arms...even after everyone had known what he'd done, how much they were wrong, because he was a monster, always had been, always would be....even after all of that....they'd comforted him. They'd said it wasn't his fault, that this didn't make him a monster.
He couldn't believe it. He couldn't accept and attempt to process as he had before, this was too much. Either everyone here was too stupid or too perfect....either way...they couldn't.....they couldn't possibly be real.
No one would sweep something like that aside and call something like him a friend.
It wasn't possible.
There was really only one option left, one thing left in his swirling mind that made sense, that could reconcile how incredibly impossible this all was: he really had lost his mind at some point and had broken. and that break had caused his mind, in it's own defence, to create a perfect world where a vampire could have friends and a boyfriend and people he could rely on and they would always love him no matter what.
Sola, Otoha, Serph, Crowley, Maddie, Azi, Ky, Fai,Toki, Vatheon...it was all fake. A world he'd created to escape. He was probably currently stuck in the torturous hands of Barry, the demon's plaything for all eternity, and his mind had just given up.
It made sense.
And it made him cold. Everything, the trees, the faces he'd grown to love and trust....it was all fake. There was no such thing as an Eden.
All of this had only broken him further and he'd pulled away from everything and everyone he 'loved.' It would be easier, when the illusion broke, if he wasn't attached. He just needed to accept this. This was his new reality.]
no subject
You did! You said I was a person all this time but you never really thought it! You hurt me on purpose! You made me love you and you made me think you loved me and you made me as happy as you could before just...
It hurts!
[A broken sob causes his voice to crack and Sola sits back on his knees, head in his hands. It hurts so badly and he can't get past it and he can't physically push Johnny away either and he wants to do both and neither and wants Johnny to hug him but also to go away and he just can't cope.
The replica huddles over again, forehead almost against the forest floor as he folds his arms over his stomach and tears continue to drop onto the rocks and dirt under him.]