makinglies | In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby

[He sat by the edge of the bubble, back to the cold barrier and eyes trained on the nearest tree, unseeing.

It had been three weeks since he'd come back and torn out the throat of that local who'd only been trying to help. It had been so long since he'd let himself get that hungry and he had no where to turn to for his lust....not until that poor woman had gotten a little too close, smelled a little too sweet, the blood flowing through her veins was a siren's call to his starved body.

His fangs had sliced through her neck and killed the cries in her throat as they snuffed out the life in her body.

He'd drained her dry, something else he hadn't done in ages.

And even after he'd regained his senses and sat there with her in his arms...even after everyone had known what he'd done, how much they were wrong, because he was a monster, always had been, always would be....even after all of that....they'd comforted him. They'd said it wasn't his fault, that this didn't make him a monster.

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't accept and attempt to process as he had before, this was too much. Either everyone here was too stupid or too perfect....either way...they couldn't.....they couldn't possibly be real.

No one would sweep something like that aside and call something like him a friend.

It wasn't possible.

There was really only one option left, one thing left in his swirling mind that made sense, that could reconcile how incredibly impossible this all was: he really had lost his mind at some point and had broken. and that break had caused his mind, in it's own defence, to create a perfect world where a vampire could have friends and a boyfriend and people he could rely on and they would always love him no matter what.

Sola, Otoha, Serph, Crowley, Maddie, Azi, Ky, Fai,Toki, Vatheon...it was all fake. A world he'd created to escape. He was probably currently stuck in the torturous hands of Barry, the demon's plaything for all eternity, and his mind had just given up.

It made sense.

And it made him cold. Everything, the trees, the faces he'd grown to love and trust....it was all fake. There was no such thing as an Eden.

All of this had only broken him further and he'd pulled away from everything and everyone he 'loved.' It would be easier, when the illusion broke, if he wasn't attached. He just needed to accept this. This was his new reality.]

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[Johnny turned his head slightly so his cheek rested on his knees instead.]

Katsu...I bet...I bet you're kindness. You're always kind, so I'm sure that's where you come from.

Kindness and the son I've never had nor ever will...yes, I'm sure of it.

[... It didn't make sense. He walked over to him, crouching down in front of him.]

Johnny? I don't understand. What are you talking about?

[He reached out to touch him on the shoulder, slowly and gently.]

Please... tell me what's going on. I want to help.

[His only reaction to the touch is to close his eyes, as if doing so would make it all go away and stop hurting.]

Vatheon....everything...it's all fake. It's a fake world I built in my head to escape reality.

The 'friends' I have here, the happiness I've felt...it's all false.

... You're wrong.

[His fingers curl into the fabric of Johnny's shirt. He's convinced of this, isn't he? How to prove this... well. There's a way to show him... maybe...]

This isn't inside your head. I could show you what's inside of your soul if you wanted, and then maybe you'd see just how different this place feels from it.

Fine. Go ahead. Nothing will change.

[What did it matter? For all he knew, maybe this would wake him up.]

[... He pulled his COMP out of his pocket, and leaned into Johnny, taking a deep breath. He turned on the console, thinking of how to direct the power. The server was inside of him now, right? So all it would take would be a little push... there. He let his power flow into the COMP and around the two of them.]

[More power... more... and there. To anyone watching it would look like they had fallen asleep, when in reality they had gone inside of Johnny's soul.]

[Johnny didn't expect anything to happen. At least, he expected to wake up or nothing at all.

But this was neither.

They were standing before the ruined, war-torn, church in Europe. Sunlight was bright and warm on the area, and small white flowers lined the edges of some of the broken stones.

He hadn't been here in over a century....and it certainly hadn't seemed as peaceful as this.]

Why.....why are we here?

[Katsu smiled a little, though it was slightly strained. This was harder than the last time he did this.]

This is the inside of your soul.

[He reached out to Johnny and took him by the arm, tugging him towards the church.]

I told you Vatheon wasn't inside your head. This is inside your head.

[But...it didn't make sense.]

That....isn't possible...it can't be real...

[And yet the sun was warm on his face, so then this had to be fake.]

Maybe...maybe you've just taken me to another part of my subconsciousness, because that...

[But his belief was shaken and he wasn't sure what to believe.]

[Katsu just reached up and put a hand on Johnny's chest, over his heart. This was what was inside of him.]

It's real. You're real, I'm real... it's all real. We might want to get back to our bodies soon, though.

I...I guess, yeah...?

[He was still trying to find a way to rationalize all of this but it was like he was stuck in a mental block.]

[Katsu gave Johnny a hug, holding him tightly. He was doing what he could... he could only hope it was enough to help his friend.]

[There was a brief glow, and then the two of them were back in their bodies, Katsu panted a little, out of breath from what just happened.]

[Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders, concerned Katsu was going to pass out.]

...are you okay?

[If he thought too much about what Katsu had just done, he was fairly certain he'd collapse.]

... Yeah. I'll be fine, I just need to get my breath back.

[He closed his eyes, putting the COMP back in his pocket.]

.....Katsu...I don't know what to do.

In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby

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