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All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands
Apr. 27th, 2016 08:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolfehawkeIt's only been a few days.
Hawke has to keep reminding himself of this because it feels like there has been too much tragedy crammed into too short a time to be believable. Meredith dead. Orsino dead. Fenris dead.
That last one hurts the most because it was by his own hand. He'll have Fenris' blood on his hands for the rest of his life. But what's worse, what's ultimately so much worse than killing a Knight-Commander even if she had it coming, than killing the Grand Enchanter of the Kirkwall Circle even if he'd never agreed with the Circle system in the first place, than even the look on Fenris' face when he'd died; resigned, as if he'd expected it to happen. Maybe he had, considering Hawke's track record with people he cared for (frankly it as a miracle that anyone else survived).
What's worse is that it's Anders' fault.
It's not. Not entirely, which had been his fellow mages' point from the start. It's the system, it's the Templars, its the mages' own complacency. It's zealotry, its the Chantry, its the Chant itself. But none of those things or people had lied to him, had put a bomb in a church, had forced the situation into violence on his own head. It was already heading that way, but Anders had to do it himself! For what?
Hawke knows for what. And that's the most infuriating thing. He agrees.
I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise.
And now they're sleeping in the dirt on the other side of Sundermount, praying no one is coming for them. Aveline and Carver both had given them assurances but every noise makes him look over his shoulder, has Merril's hand on her staff. In fact, the only one of them that doesn't seem on edge is Anders and that infuriates Hawke almost more than being unable to be sufficiently angry with him. He's ready for whatever comes, it seems, be that escape or beheading. It makes Hawke want to shake him.
As it is, he stalks to the edge of their meager campfire under the guise of keeping watch. Really he just needs to get away. They're depending on him to give them direction but all he can feel right now is hurt, anger, and loss.
Hawke has to keep reminding himself of this because it feels like there has been too much tragedy crammed into too short a time to be believable. Meredith dead. Orsino dead. Fenris dead.
That last one hurts the most because it was by his own hand. He'll have Fenris' blood on his hands for the rest of his life. But what's worse, what's ultimately so much worse than killing a Knight-Commander even if she had it coming, than killing the Grand Enchanter of the Kirkwall Circle even if he'd never agreed with the Circle system in the first place, than even the look on Fenris' face when he'd died; resigned, as if he'd expected it to happen. Maybe he had, considering Hawke's track record with people he cared for (frankly it as a miracle that anyone else survived).
What's worse is that it's Anders' fault.
It's not. Not entirely, which had been his fellow mages' point from the start. It's the system, it's the Templars, its the mages' own complacency. It's zealotry, its the Chantry, its the Chant itself. But none of those things or people had lied to him, had put a bomb in a church, had forced the situation into violence on his own head. It was already heading that way, but Anders had to do it himself! For what?
Hawke knows for what. And that's the most infuriating thing. He agrees.
I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise.
And now they're sleeping in the dirt on the other side of Sundermount, praying no one is coming for them. Aveline and Carver both had given them assurances but every noise makes him look over his shoulder, has Merril's hand on her staff. In fact, the only one of them that doesn't seem on edge is Anders and that infuriates Hawke almost more than being unable to be sufficiently angry with him. He's ready for whatever comes, it seems, be that escape or beheading. It makes Hawke want to shake him.
As it is, he stalks to the edge of their meager campfire under the guise of keeping watch. Really he just needs to get away. They're depending on him to give them direction but all he can feel right now is hurt, anger, and loss.
