Respite

[lysoke]

Respite

The lake is dark and calm with a small breeze by the time they arrive at its shores. The stars above reflect perfectly in the still waters before them, and a small copse of trees lines one side, starting on their side of the river and jumping along the other side.

Chris takes a moment to re-prepare the spell he hadn't been able to cast in five years and gestures vaguely to the area around them as a suggestion for what the others can do. Gathering in the forest, sitting on a nearby over-turned log, it didn't matter to him. What he needed was an hour without interruption.

He settles down on the ground and presses his hands together as he closes his eyes to focus on the image in his mind. Within minutes, the white, shimmering outline of a large building forms in thin air. The gentle glow of its light barely spreads from the growing structure.

As promised, it takes the full hour before the slowly filling-in form is complete and finishes with a jaunty, echoing click.

Chris takes a breath, now sitting in front of the stoop that looks annoyingly like the one he'd passed earlier in the night, and gets back onto stiff legs as the glow fades away, leaving smooth, but otherwise unremarkable, white stone behind.

"Here we are. Home for the next however long we need. I'll start working on food and water next." Once they're inside, anyway, which is why he takes back his things from where he'd left them and leads them into the temple, marked only with the carving of ravens on the black wood of the double doors.

Inside is something just shy of opulence. The same polished white stone makes the walls, though black and gold veins course through the marble. The floor is the inverse, a black stone with white, shimmering speckles like a night sky if looked at for long enough. A single window faced East high up on the wall. The temple was alight with sconces at regular intervals along the walls, illuminating an open area that held all the offerings of comfort Chris could think of.

A large hot-springs-like bath, complete with a miniature waterfall, took up the left side of the room and ran into a smaller, similar bath at dog-height. Next to it, covered by a retractable screen, was a shower. Along the back wall, a raven's head emblazoned the white wall in black and watched out over a set of tables, chairs, and a couple of sofas. The majority of the center was clear for walking, but the right edge and right side of the room held a deeply inset pit of pillows, cushions, and blankets in various soft (black and purple) fabrics.

Finally, in the middle of the right-hand wall, there were two closed doors that, when inspected, revealed one room with a large, soft chair and rug, while the other room was made of nothing but stone with jars, pitchers, and plates on shelves along two walls and a cork wall perfect for catching daggers on the other side.

"I hope it works for everyone. I didn't...I didn't make separate bedrooms this time. I didn't figure we would need them tonight."

♥

Comments

[rogueinladysclothing]

"If it were for me, I'd not have asked you to put any pants back on." Just to make that point very clear. Keeping her hands busy is appreciated, but she doesn't need it so much that she wouldn't have asked him to wait to try the new trousers on until after they'd had a different kind of fun. They're waiting, though, and so all this effort with pants on and pants off is entirely for Wolfe's benefit.

She leans up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Now, off with these so I can make alterations while I sit quietly beside Chris and see if he's ready to talk. You and Jon have practice and exercise to get to." There's no telling what the cleric will be up for when she sits close, but she needs to ask. She owes him several apologies and she will give them in whatever time he allows. Everything can wait until he's ready to deal with her shit again.

[wolfehawke]

Her rejoined earns an indelicate laugh from him. That's she can go toe to toe with him verbally has always been delightful and he has to remind himself again that they're waiting for a reason.

With a grin in appreciation of her wit, he strips off the pants, putting his own back on with minimal reluctance, but not with much eagerness either. Its similar to this morning (Matron, was that just this morning?) with Topher. He was aware he didn't have any bottoms on, it just didn't matter. He feels like that should matter.

"Good luck, Love. He'll come around. Just don't be too down on yourself; he hears that as misdirection, trying to make him feel sorry for you instead of angry, even if that's not what you're doing. He knows, but it makes him angry anyway," Probably a little more than he should say, but they've been floundering about this for so long he has to say something. Chris certainly wont say anything directly.

With a kiss to her temple and a squeeze to her shoulder, Wolfe goes off to retrieve Jon from whatever soothing of their Archivist's frazzled ego he's attempting over laundry.

[chrisisofaith]

“I didn’t mean-” he starts to correct the assumption that Chris had meant Jon wanted to pay someone when Chris had largely meant himself and what he’d been used to even before Duplicity. It doesn’t make it fully out of his mouth and Jon continues anyway and Chris turns his attention back to his task.

Depending on how long his boys took, he’d likely be done before they came back in. There wasn’t that much to clean yet. He doesn’t say that either.

Chris nods and offers a small smile. “Have fun. Genuinely. Amelia and I can manage not to kill each other for a little while.”

It’s largely a joke, but he does need to talk to her. Three times over, really.

When Jon heads off to join Wolfe, Chris takes a deep, fortifying breath and continues his work. If Amelia doesn’t come over on her own, he’ll call her over…but he did want to get this finished up, regardless of all that needed saying.

[compellingstatement]

Jon grimaces when he's told to 'have fun.' Anything related to exercise is likely to be the antithesis of that, but he trudges to the door and outside along with Hawke after pulling his boots on.

"I'm not especially in the mood for sparring if that's what you want me to help you with," he tells his friend as soon as they're outside. Amelia's boyfriend. Would he be so genial if he knew what the Archivist had done a few hours ago? If he knew how close Jon had come to feeding on Amelia. Even if he can tell himself it was an accident, it's not one so easily forgiveable as most.

Jon swallows that down as he wraps his arms around himself again, as much for the cold as for his need for some sort of pre-emptive defense against any prying Wolfe might do.

"You sounded like you were enjoying yourself with Amelia."

[wolfehawke]

"Jon, I would never ask you to spar for my exercize," he wouldn't break much of a sweat.

Wolfe himself doesn't venture past the threshold for fear of losing all his clothes again. Instead he leans against the frame and hooks his thumbs in the waist of his pants. "We talked about our - my - situation. It settled some things for both of us and honestly I feel a lot better than I have since we arrived. A lot more stable, anyway."

Deciding he's made Jon feel silly enough to get at least a little vindictive, which is going to help the little exercise he has in mind or so he thinks, Wolfe motions to his friend with his chin. "And... why are you outside?"

[compellingstatement]

"I-" Wolfe is still inside, looking at him like he's the one acting oddly. The Archivist's embarrassment flares again. "You said something about practice!"

Jon stomps back inside. "Just tell me where we're going so we can give them privacy." He gestures sharply over to Chris and Amelia. He has his guesses as to why he's been invited to do this, after all. Clearly it's to give the cleric and the rogue a chance to talk.

Even if he really needs to talk to Amelia, as well.

[wolfehawke]

"Then head to the library and we'll close the door. I'm only going to do push ups; I'm sorry I lead you astray." He at least has the decency to not laugh, even if the affectionate amusement is there in his tone.

He follows Jon on into the other room and shuts the door behind him, ignoring his instinct to check and see if Amelia and Chris are alright. He'd be able to hear if they had a row, he's sure, even witb the door closed.

"So the idea I had I got from one of those stupid school things we had to do on Duplicity, but it actually worked. And its not sex, don't worry," he adds, seeing Jon getting ready to protest.

"We make a list of useful words and their meanings, then rip up the paper into strips. One of us will draw a paper and say the meaning and the other has to say what word that is. If they're wrong, its worth a set of push ups or sit ups, as you prefer." He figures he's going to get far more wrong than Jon will, which will be both a boost to Jon's ego and to Wolfe's physique. "And if one of us gets three wrong in a row, we can have a penalty. Say I miss three, then on that third one I have to do the push-ups one handed or with you sitting on my back or something."

[compellingstatement]

Mention of the PUSSY Academy has Jon's hackles rising immediately. He remembers Wolfe being a troublemaker in his class and making the man write lines. If it's something like that, he-

"I thought this was exercise for you." The Archivist wrinkles his nose at the prospect of doing push-ups or sit-ups. It sounds like a sneaky way of trying to get him to exercise, too.

He knows he could probably do well, but... What if he messes up? Some of his confidence is more fragile than usual at the moment.

[wolfehawke]

Drat, he'd hoped Jon would be on board a little more equally, but this is fine.

"I figured I would probably be the only one getting anything wrong if this afternoon was any indication, but I can be the only one answering if you prefer," he shrugs, gesturing for Jon to follow him. "I have to help make the list though or there's no way I'll know anything on it."

[compellingstatement]

He squints at the mage, not at all trusting this. Jon understands wanting to get him away from the others so that they can talk, but he and Wolfe have been studying for a good several hours. "Not that I don't appreciate an avid student, but what exactly is this? If you want to exercise and study, we can just do that. Is the exercise a punishment for you, really?"

His eyes trace over Wolfe's muscular arms before returning to his face, expression wholly skeptical. "Or are you trying to distract me from something beyond Chris and Amelia? I wasn't going to try to listen in. I'm not that nosy." Mainly because he thinks he'll get what he needs to from Chris if there's anything to tell.

And he's been hearing Amelia's self-flagellation most of the day.

[wolfehawke]

"Its a game, Jon. I thought it would be fun, and its important to know Common; we won't even understand each other when this wears off if we don't, much less everyone else." Which is the truth, just not the whole truth.

"And Amelia has needed to apologize to Chris for much of the day, considering he was out. We're giving them space." He says this reluctantly, as if Jon is prised it from him. He has a little, but its not as if he wouldn't have told him. Let Jon have the social win, though, he thinks.

cw: paranoia

[compellingstatement]

Jon continues to squint at Wolfe as his suspicion eats at the back of his mind. Anything related to Duplicity must be bad... except what they can take and twist to their own purposes without the city or its eldritch master's influence. He takes a deep breath and relents. "A game. I have been thinking about that. Our lack of fluency. Maybe... If we're already asking to be woven into the Weave, we could try to make a deal so that we learn Common as part of it? Not any other languages, just Common. Even being able to understand and speak it would be something. We'd have to learn at writing and reading it still, but we could communicate at the very least."

This is still an important exercise, particularly as it pertains to reading, but he needs to share the idea with someone. If this is a place where deals with gods are viable... why not try for a little more to ease their way? Fluency in a language takes months, and he doesn't want to be wholly reliant on Chris and Amelia in that time. He loves his partner and... tolerates the fourth member of their party. Only having a broken understanding of what's being said around them or a translated version that could be amended or altered to avoid telling them things is terrifying. He needs to be able to understand at least one language.

[wolfehawke]

"That's... I suppose its not a bad idea..." But he doesn't sound convinced as he rummages for paper. "I'm wary asking Gods for much beyond what we cannot do ourselves, though. I'd worry they'd think we were being greedy or ungrateful asking for too much."

He's done a lot of thinking about Gods ever since Chris pledged to bring them here. Wolfe was never a man of faith in higher powers but he did always recognize that asking a higher power - even a mortal one - for anything was a tricky proposition. At the very least they need to be careful of how they ask.

"I'd much rather just have the language plopped into my head, I'm not against that, I just want to make sure we don't offend any deity's sensibilities. They're real here, and could make our lives utterly miserable." Finding paper, he sets it out and pauses to comb his fingers through his beard. Its becoming a bit more full now; he should shave. "We can talk to Chris about it, see what he thinks?"

[compellingstatement]

"I don't think 'let me move through this society I'm asking you to make me a part of rather than just existing in' is much of an ask beyond the basics. And if you want to be able to actually use magic instead of being some sort of fighter, we're going to need the language for it. Maybe that will be easier for whatever the... verbal components of things are, but still. It's related. And if she cares about magic and us sharing knowledge about what we know of it, we'll need the language for it, as well." This is, he knows, something of a stretch. She could be the sort of goddess who would tell them to learn it on their own. They have brains and won't die or go catatonic, now they can apply themselves.

It's a sentiment Jon might ordinarily agree with were it for just learning magic, itself. But to be reduced to a toddler's level of communication for god only knows how long... His pride, again, struggles with the idea of it.

"But fine, we can ask Chris about it. Be careful with the paper and whatever you write, by the by. With things like that costing an arm and a leg, we'll need to be more precious about it than we were in Duplicity. We'll need to be more precious about most things... We can play your game, but if I miss something, I'm not doing push-ups or sit-ups. I'll..." He glances off to the side, trying to think of something else. "I'll think up a compliment for Amelia."

[rogueinladysclothing]

As much as Amelia doesn't want to force a conversation that's likely to become a confrontation, she doesn't hesitate to make her way over toward Chris when she has Wolfe's trousers and her sewing supplies in hand. It's terrifying and she can practically hear her heart pounding in her ears, but she's going to do this. She's going to face him and if nothing else, she's going to make her presence unobtrusive and calm.

She takes a breath to steady herself as she draws a chair closer to the laundry station. If he looks up, Chris gets a warm, nervous smile as she sits and carefully starts to make the necessary cuts into the fabric in her hands. Scissors would be easier for this, but it's not so difficult when she keeps her knives so sharp.

"Is Jon all right? He seemed upset at the end of dinner, but I didn't think it good for me to ask." Because it's her and that rarely goes well for the two of them. A beat, and she holds back a sigh. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's easier said than done.

"We had a spat in the woods earlier. Both of us left very upset. The last thing either of us needs is to pick at a wound we don't know how to heal just yet." There, that is a truth, even if it might sound like a deflection. She smiles ruefully at the cleric. "I didn't want to cause a scene, either. Neither of us like to be fussed over, especially right now."

[chrisisofaith]

He does look up and offers a small smile in return, then looks back to his work.

“He’s alright, I’d say.” As alright as any of them could be still. “He’s got an extra step in all of this between not only learning the language, but needing to learn this sort of thing as well. He doesn’t like feeling dumb and his pride has decided basic skills, despite having no reason to have learned them, counts against him.” He shrugs. “He’ll recover.”

Chris glances to her, brow raised. “What sort of spat?” He’s expected they’d fight, but considering the nature of some of their previous altercations -with each other and not- he feels he should know what ends up setting them off.

[rogueinladysclothing]

All of that explains much of Jon's behavior and commentary today. She hadn't realized how sensitive he was to such things. Everyone has to start somewhere and when they don't know something, they have to take time to learn. The rest of them had to learn and adapt in Duplicity; it made complete sense to her that Jon would have to go through the same here.

"A shouting match about some of my thoughts he heard." She doesn't shy away from Chris' gaze as she finishes her cutting and threads her needle. "And when it got heated enough and after he invited it, I clocked him in the face. I know I shouldn't have, but he kept pushing me and I lost my temper. There's no taking it back now and we'll have a conversation about it when we're ready. I haven't wanted to deal with him on my own since then." Especially when he was shouting at her again about her thoughts a few hours ago. Dreams, she's not ready for that when she's not ready to deal with those same thoughts.

"We're in an adjustment period with one another and we've never really been friendly," she adds after a moment, hands already working without much thought to it. "My having 'very loud thoughts' isn't going to help us." She shrugs. "We'll find our way through it eventually."

[chrisisofaith]

He pauses briefly in his efforts when she mentions punching Jon, but for all he knew, his partner might have encouraged the reaction. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d sought punishment for something in his mind from Amelia.

Jon hadn’t seemed like he was in that mindset, but could Chris trust his own instincts right now?

He finishes this piece of clothing too, leaving only Amelia’s stained shirt. He tries not to think about how apt its presence in his hands is right now. Stained like they were.

“Hopefully, his ability to see into minds won’t be part of his new powers, I imagine that particular trick will only make things harder between you two.”

He scrubs determinedly at the stains.

“It will likely get worse before it gets better between you, you’re both horridly stubborn and prone to self-flagellation. Tolerance is all I hope for right now, the rest will come. I hope you’ll be able to see each other’s virtues eventually.”

He pulls the shirt up to inspect it, but his gaze looks through the garment.

“I’d prefer you refrain from hurting each other as much as you can, but we will hurt each other now and again. It’s inevitable.”

[rogueinladysclothing]

Hang the shirt, Chris. Leave it stained. It doesn't matter.

She thinks it but doesn't say it. He should leave her clothes and either let her deal with them or let the stain finish setting. It doesn't matter that much and it's hers. Why bother with her things when they struggle enough with everything else between them?

That's exactly why she says nothing. Things don't get better when she tries to pull back or tells him to do or not do something. The best thing she can do is accept his help - and it is very much appreciated - and keep trying. She has to make him see that she's trying in ways she's never managed before. How to make it happen she doesn't know, but she's going to find a way. She has to because she doesn't want him to regret her place in this life he's given her.

"I'll do my best. I hadn't intended on it after our last conversation about Jon's physical well-being, but things got out of hand. Neither of us walked away from that shouting match with clean hands." And she'll do everything in her power to make certain it's the last time that happens, or that there's someone around to stop them next time.

She's quiet for a long moment as she finishes sewing up one side of the garment in her hands. "I think it'll be difficult for me with all of you for a while. So many things changed from the moment we stepped through the Gate and now, and I'm struggling to find my footing all over again." Her lips press into a frown. "I'm sorry it's caused me to treat you as I have. I hadn't meant to take your choice from you at the table earlier, yet I did because I was so in my own head about what I should be doing. It was selfish of me, and I'll be more mindful of your wants and spoken thoughts as we continue on.

"And... I'm sorry for whatever part of seeing me and Wolfe reach for each other hurt you while we were beside the lake. We stopped and spoke at length about what I did after LIEs took him before coming inside, and then about his experiences while he was gone from us while you were away." A soft sigh as she cuts more thread for her next line of stitches. "You were right that we needed to speak on what had happened and we're better for having waited and done that. Nothing is perfect or fully settled, but speaking honestly with one another helped so much."

Chris was, as Wolfe likes to say, infuriatingly right, and Amelia has no hesitation in saying it. He helped them and he should know that he did.

[chrisisofaith]

“I’ve no doubt.” Of course Jon had his part, but he’d rather hear it from the man himself. He returns to scrubbing, one stain stubbornly clinging on despite his efforts.

She brings words between them before he can decide on his own and he takes the direction gratefully. It was a place to start.

“I’m glad you spoke. What upset me at the lake was the fact you’d not talked with him and he’d just made decision to go slow and then-“ hadn’t. The hypocrisy had stung. Probably more than it should.

“I can assure you I wasn’t irritated only with you at the lake. Still, thank you for your apology for earlier.”

He sighs and lets his hands fall back into the water with the shirt and he looks back at her. “I don’t want you to try and make any deals with the gods here until you know more about them. Preferably not even then, but I’m not your…you are your own person. What I really don’t want is for you to make a deal with the gods of tyranny, manipulation, strife, and war. Our history is rife with grief I don’t wish on any of you. Believe me that I don’t wish to make a deal with him either. So…if we can leave that whole ‘what if’ to the side for now, I’d appreciate it.”

[rogueinladysclothing]

Ah, so there was more to it at the lake than she knew. She's grateful to have the full context of his frustration, both for his sake and for Wolfe's. They will take things slow now that they've spoken, but she'll leave their mage to explain that. The three of them still need to have a conversation, something they can do at a later time.

Her hands pause in their work to give him her full attention. He's right again, of course, that she shouldn't make such deals. It doesn't make her gut twist any less when she thinks about the idea that Chris might, though. Nothing stops that when she's worried about protecting all of the people in this temple.

"Bane and other gods of his ilk are a last resort," she affirms. "I understood that before, but I didn't convey it. I'm sorry for that, too. I promise, I'll make no deals without speaking with you and try to avoid them altogether if possible. And I'll keep in mind that nothing is set in stone but that we want to help our men be written into the Weave before they lose themselves." One corner of her mouth tugs into a smile. "This is your world and I'll follow you lead on that. I trust that we'll find our through this together because of your knowledge."

They don't know what this will require of them. They don't know what will happen even tomorrow in the Shadowfell. But she knows that she and Chris will stop at nothing to keep Wolfe and Jon as they are or to make them whole again if times escapes them. They can do that, together.

She holds out a hand to him, uncaring that his are wet and soapy. "I'm with you, love. Now and always."

[chrisisofaith]

That all, finally, takes a layer of tension from him. Not everything, but it helps him feel like he can take a deeper breath around her again.

He nods and reaches for her hand after he haphazardly wipes his on his pant leg. His smile is small, still, but a touch stronger. “As I’m with you.”

Which led to the heart of their issue. His smile falters and he gives a small sigh with a squeeze of her fingers.

“Which is something I need you to believe. The only way I would send you from my life is if you acted abhorrently cruel to Jon or Wolfe, something I would expect from you only if you weren’t within your right mind, which would mean there would be an explanation anyway…so if you could stop…half expecting me to hate or condemn you, I would appreciate it. Frankly, it would have happened by now.”

Though she certainly seemed to find new ways to keep trying her luck.

“Theres more than that that needs be addressed, but I want to start there.”

[rogueinladysclothing]

Are her thoughts so obvious that he's seen them in the words she speaks? The way she moves around him? The way she keeps to herself or reacts too strongly? Or is it that Wolfe or Jon told him? It doesn't matter either way.

"I'm sorry." Always more apologies. It's like with how much she 'tries' for him, isn't it? She exhales shakily, looking down at their joined hands. "You know my struggles with finding worth in myself. I'm not trying to let it spill onto you or the others, but... I'm a mess." Another slow exhale as she grips his fingers a little tighter. It's where she has to start to explain that she feels she's clinging too hard when the words are so difficult to find.

"I want to believe you. I know you're being truthful, but I'm so uncertain of myself, especially after losing everything I thought I was." Wait, no, don't go down that path. Not tonight. "I-I'm not ready to talk about that part yet, I still need time to live with that truth. It's hard to break free of all these terrible thoughts I have of myself, though." But that's not his problem or his fault.

She forces herself to look up at him in spite of her red, watery eyes. "I have done so much to hurt you these past weeks, things I don't think should be forgiven. It's hard accepting that we can move on from that when I don't think I deserve that. I don't want to be sent away, but I'm still having trouble believing when you say you won't. I can't fathom why, after everything, you'd still care for me."

It's harsh on herself, but he needs to hear it and understand where she's coming from. Fuck if it doesn't mean she's failing the one piece of advice Wolfe gave her, though.

"The mind can know and yet the heart will still hold itself back. I'm sorry that it means I act this way and that you're suffering as a result. I'm trying to change that, and it's taking far more time than I'd like." She frowns, squeezing his hand again. "You've taken me into your heart and home and I know this is where I'm meant to be. Convincing my insecurities to shut up is a hard thing, though."

[chrisisofaith]

Selfishly, he's a little grateful she doesn't want to talk about that part right now; he's not sure he's ready to either. He doesn't interrupt, just waits and listens...but in the end, what she says isn't what he'd feared hearing...this he can deal with. How to tell her that, though...

"I suppose...I wish you thought a little kinder of me, but I don't blame you for not doing so. That version of me in your mind is built of something, whether it be your insecurities or mine." The urge to pull his hand away is there, but he pushes through it. She likely needed this more than he needed a moment of space.

More important is keeping her gaze. "What I need to put into words for you...is that this, the way you're talking to me now, is what I need for us to have any sort of relationship that will last. I can't...when I try to talk to you and every word out of your mouth is how my frustrations are earned, poisoned, daggers -how you deserve every bit of ire and prostrate yourself before me like some supplicant instead of someone equal and dear to me- it makes things worse. I want to be able to talk to you when we have problems, not turn it into a dance of self-pity. I can handle your insecurities and your struggles with worth, but I can handle the self-pity far less. We'll talk about what happened in Duplicity in a moment, I promise, but I...I feared even having this conversation because I wanted to talk to you, not your proken pride."

[rogueinladysclothing]

"I don't--" She bites her lip to keep from contradicting him. There's no pity for herself; she doesn't deserve kindness or forgiveness after what she's done. That's not pity because she'd think the same of anyone else who treated their loved ones the way she has. Saying that won't help though, and maybe there's something more to it that will make it easier to swallow this later.

She takes a breath, wanting to take back her hand as well so she can hold it protectively around herself. If she does that, she fears he's going to assume she's pulling back and that's not what she wants. She started this conversation and even if she hates it, even if it makes things worse for a little while, this has to be done.

"I hadn't realized I was doing that," she admits softly. "I'm not used to framing things about what's deeper in my heart. No one else in my life but Wolfe ever wanted that." Anyone else she may have hurt didn't need this either because she never hurt them as deeply as she hurts Chris on the regular. If they ever wanted something more, they'd ask directly and it wouldn't be during a conversation like this. "Sharing things like this is always harder when I'm used to needing to be strong for everyone around me." She sighs. "Which I don't know how to reconcile with the fact that I've been asked to not force myself to be strong when I'm still struggling with everything that's happened in the past day and a half."

It's so difficult and dreams, she wishes it wasn't. She never expected things to be perfect or easy on the other side of leaving Duplicity, but she wanted at least one part of their lives to be simple. The best laid plans and dearest hopes are always the first to be destroyed, though.