lysoke (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lysoke) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
makinglies2025-09-27 05:54 pm
lysoke) wrote in makinglies2025-09-27 05:54 pm
Entry tags:
Respite
Respite
The lake is dark and calm with a small breeze by the time they arrive at its shores. The stars above reflect perfectly in the still waters before them, and a small copse of trees lines one side, starting on their side of the river and jumping along the other side.
Chris takes a moment to re-prepare the spell he hadn't been able to cast in five years and gestures vaguely to the area around them as a suggestion for what the others can do. Gathering in the forest, sitting on a nearby over-turned log, it didn't matter to him. What he needed was an hour without interruption.
He settles down on the ground and presses his hands together as he closes his eyes to focus on the image in his mind. Within minutes, the white, shimmering outline of a large building forms in thin air. The gentle glow of its light barely spreads from the growing structure.
As promised, it takes the full hour before the slowly filling-in form is complete and finishes with a jaunty, echoing click.
Chris takes a breath, now sitting in front of the stoop that looks annoyingly like the one he'd passed earlier in the night, and gets back onto stiff legs as the glow fades away, leaving smooth, but otherwise unremarkable, white stone behind.
"Here we are. Home for the next however long we need. I'll start working on food and water next." Once they're inside, anyway, which is why he takes back his things from where he'd left them and leads them into the temple, marked only with the carving of ravens on the black wood of the double doors.
Inside is something just shy of opulence. The same polished white stone makes the walls, though black and gold veins course through the marble. The floor is the inverse, a black stone with white, shimmering speckles like a night sky if looked at for long enough. A single window faced East high up on the wall. The temple was alight with sconces at regular intervals along the walls, illuminating an open area that held all the offerings of comfort Chris could think of.
A large hot-springs-like bath, complete with a miniature waterfall, took up the left side of the room and ran into a smaller, similar bath at dog-height. Next to it, covered by a retractable screen, was a shower. Along the back wall, a raven's head emblazoned the white wall in black and watched out over a set of tables, chairs, and a couple of sofas. The majority of the center was clear for walking, but the right edge and right side of the room held a deeply inset pit of pillows, cushions, and blankets in various soft (black and purple) fabrics.
Finally, in the middle of the right-hand wall, there were two closed doors that, when inspected, revealed one room with a large, soft chair and rug, while the other room was made of nothing but stone with jars, pitchers, and plates on shelves along two walls and a cork wall perfect for catching daggers on the other side.
"I hope it works for everyone. I didn't...I didn't make separate bedrooms this time. I didn't figure we would need them tonight."
Chris takes a moment to re-prepare the spell he hadn't been able to cast in five years and gestures vaguely to the area around them as a suggestion for what the others can do. Gathering in the forest, sitting on a nearby over-turned log, it didn't matter to him. What he needed was an hour without interruption.
He settles down on the ground and presses his hands together as he closes his eyes to focus on the image in his mind. Within minutes, the white, shimmering outline of a large building forms in thin air. The gentle glow of its light barely spreads from the growing structure.
As promised, it takes the full hour before the slowly filling-in form is complete and finishes with a jaunty, echoing click.
Chris takes a breath, now sitting in front of the stoop that looks annoyingly like the one he'd passed earlier in the night, and gets back onto stiff legs as the glow fades away, leaving smooth, but otherwise unremarkable, white stone behind.
"Here we are. Home for the next however long we need. I'll start working on food and water next." Once they're inside, anyway, which is why he takes back his things from where he'd left them and leads them into the temple, marked only with the carving of ravens on the black wood of the double doors.
Inside is something just shy of opulence. The same polished white stone makes the walls, though black and gold veins course through the marble. The floor is the inverse, a black stone with white, shimmering speckles like a night sky if looked at for long enough. A single window faced East high up on the wall. The temple was alight with sconces at regular intervals along the walls, illuminating an open area that held all the offerings of comfort Chris could think of.
A large hot-springs-like bath, complete with a miniature waterfall, took up the left side of the room and ran into a smaller, similar bath at dog-height. Next to it, covered by a retractable screen, was a shower. Along the back wall, a raven's head emblazoned the white wall in black and watched out over a set of tables, chairs, and a couple of sofas. The majority of the center was clear for walking, but the right edge and right side of the room held a deeply inset pit of pillows, cushions, and blankets in various soft (black and purple) fabrics.
Finally, in the middle of the right-hand wall, there were two closed doors that, when inspected, revealed one room with a large, soft chair and rug, while the other room was made of nothing but stone with jars, pitchers, and plates on shelves along two walls and a cork wall perfect for catching daggers on the other side.
"I hope it works for everyone. I didn't...I didn't make separate bedrooms this time. I didn't figure we would need them tonight."
no subject
"First and foremost, I owe you an apology. I lost control of myself and was on the verge of properly attacking you and your mind." There's a long pause before he adds, "Thank you for stopping me. It's what needed to be done, and I'm grateful you didn't hesitate."
He doesn't apologize for what he'd said, though. That he has little guilt over. He does keep his eyes down and waits for a response before pressing ahead with the more delicate matter he needs to discuss.
no subject
She nods. "Apology accepted. If there's ever a need for something like that in the future, I won't hesitate then, either." Even if Chris gets angry with her about it. Better to ask forgiveness if it means preventing worse things from happening for their group. "For all of our sakes, I'll avoid being recklessly violent with you wherever possible."
He won't get an apology from her for her words or her actions. She still believes she's right about herself and she was already honest with Chris about the fact that she punched Jon, if only mostly about why. All else can remain unsaid.
"What else is on your mind?" She arches a brow at him, not accusing him of anything but clearly expecting it to be more important than his apology. What it could be, she truly doesn't know.
no subject
"I've told Chris and Wolfe we had an argument... I haven't gone into specifics or what I did to you. I wasn't-" Jon sighs, running his hand through his hair briefly. "Neither of us wants to have those two fussing after us, and they will if they find out I threatened you like I did. I can keep the specifics between just the two of us, or I can tell them. I don't imagine they'll be upset with you, just... wanting to help. I, uh... I took a Statement from Wolfe once. We fixed it, but it happened. He'll likely be more protective of you. I wanted to get your... permission? Consent? I wanted you to weigh in on if you want them to know about that.
"I don't care about them being mad at me, but I don't want you to feel like they're being over-protective when we're all already on edge. If you don't want to deal with it, I mean."
no subject
She sighs heavily and rubs her arms. "Chris knows I struck you after we argued. Wolfe should know that as well." But how much more to tell? The whole of it will have everyone up in arms about it and that's the last thing she needs right now. Hiding the truth will only make things worse if it comes out later, though.
Dreams, she wishes she'd shoved him off sooner to avoid all of this.
"We should tell them. Impress on them that nothing is wrong and we're both fine. I didn't give you a Statement and there's little danger of me doing so now that we're all back in the temple. They don't need to fret or be angry at more than the fact that we got into that mess in the first place." There will be some no matter what they do, but hopefully it can be minimized. "We can't lie to them about this or it'll bite us in the ass later, and that's something I'd like us both to avoid."
no subject
Jon drops his gaze again and nods briefly. He thinks to offer that he could take a secret to his grave, but even then, he'd be dealing with Chris and Wolfe and their damnable insights... not to mention the perpetual guilt. There are enough reasons for that without adding on lying by omission to his boyfriend and friend. A boyfriend who has asked him in the past to be open and honest about these sorts of things.
"Okay. I'll ask- Please let me tell them, if you would. Unless you'd like us to explain with all four of us together there."
no subject
"I think we should both be present when they're told. I'll let you take the lead in explaining and offer comment when needed." She frowns softly at him. "We should tell them sooner than later. Even a day or two's delay could land us both in hot water."
no subject
Whatever the other men might be doing, Jon raises his voice. "When you both have a moment, I, uh... There's something we should let you know."
no subject
At least Jon didn't look like he'd been recently punched, but Chris wasn't sure he'd be able to tell either. He wouldn't put it past Jon to stay in the room long enough to hide the evidence. He stands, hip cocked and arms lightly crossed a few feet from the door Jon comes out of.
"Please do. I hope it's not anything like you've decided to kill each other, or actually, we'll need a two-story house to keep you two apart at all times going forward." His not expecting that to be the case does make it easier to joke about.
no subject
"Neither of you look injured and I don't smell blood, so off to a great start," he adds cheerfully.
no subject
"I have a feeling you'd see it sooner than smell it," she points out as she takes a seat. It's a bit more clipped than she intends. Her lips press into a frown as she puts her hands in her lap in an effort to keep from crossing her arms defensively. "But if you want to get us something nice to better keep the peace once we have the coin, I'll not say no to a quiet corner where half of our group could study without distraction."
The temple is wonderful and keeps them out of the cold, but sounds carry and it's open enough that distractions abound for all of them.
no subject
His eyes flick briefly to Wolfe, then focus on Chris. "It didn't get far enough for me to actually do anything apart from... frighten her, but the fact it got to that point at all is unacceptable.
"We've come to an agreement she'll take that action again if it comes to that, but I intend to take steps to avoid that potential." He takes a breath. " And again, I didn't take a Statement from her. She's safe." For now.
no subject
In the end, they had, and only a matter of hours later. That had to count for a lot.
Still, his gaze flickers from Jon to Amelia and back and he keeps neutrality in his every aspect.
“Alright. I can’t say I’m surprised beyond how soon it happened, but I’m glad you both were able to stop it.” And back to Amelia- “I know I’m generally very much not alright with violence towards my partner, but in the case of self defense, please always do what you need. The Eye is still strong and dangerous for now.”
He looks between them again. “What came up that grabbed the Eye’s attention so strongly?”
no subject
That Amelia was able to protect herself from him - and not deal a fatal blow in the process - is a vast relief, and stays Wolfe's tongue from any recrimination for the moment. He's fiercely proud of her in that moment, and suddenly glad her first instinct is violence when she feels even remotely threatened.
Ultimately he holds his peace, forcing his expression to relax back into something more neutral, and listens for the answer to that question even if something in him doesn't think its important. It may well not have been the Eye directly and was simply that Jon is hungry.
Or it doesn't work like that and he's still looking to blame Jon for something not under his control.
no subject
"I don't know who I am." She states it as a fact, ignoring the way her eyes immediately redden and her face shows all the signs that if she continues she's going to break down. They need to know why the Eye turned on her, hang her feelings on keeping it to herself until after they return safely from the Shadowfell. "Everything I believed to be true about myself and my life disappeared in an instant yesterday. It's all that lives in my mind under the practical matters we need to take care of, that everything I 'remember' is a lie told to me for someone else's gain and game. Trying to untangle that is untangling me, and it makes me a tempting target for the Eye."
She's managing to sit in a composed manner and keep her voice steady, but how much this hurts and terrifies her is obvious: her breaths shake, her hands tremble as she clears her eyes, and she won't meet anyone's gaze. She doesn't want to be fussed over and she has a feeling this isn't going to help that.
"There's more tied up in it, but that's what tipped the scales of our shouting match into something more."
19 Deception
"I am an avatar of hidden truths and awful knowledge. It is... difficult for me not to pull at that sort of... thread. Particularly when things get heated. Particularly when I can hear someones thoughts... spiraling. It was instinct, but it's something I should have let go of and just walked away. I won't be talking to her about it anymore." He glances sidelong at Amelia. "It might be best if we limit our conversations beyond practical matters until I'm either catatonic or you've figured yourself out."
Insight 23
Where his arms are folded, his fingers curl tight into the skin. He should have unrolled his sleeves after doing the washing. He can taste the words 'You'll be well beyond unconscious if we wait for the latter-most.'
It's mean, uncalled for, and also already known by likely everyone here. It wouldn't serve anything but being cruel. He still felt sharp, but after his and Amelia's conversation, he could afford that much grace at least.
"Luckily, it's only the Eye, way Jon tells it, there are other Powers that would be just as tempted by that sort of loud thinking. For that matter...there are things here that might notice and prey on you as well, so I'd recommend finding what might help you figure yourself out. You're not the only one who's lost everything...you could talk to any of us...except Jon. In fact, I'd recommend it."
He bites the inside of his lip and tries not to let the insidious jealousy of Amelia's emotion glom back onto him. Her emotions didn't need to be his business as long as they were taking space, and the same worked in the reverse.
He looks to Jon next and gives a small nod. "Limiting your conversations...or at least avoiding that particular topic would be for the best for now, I agree. You and Wolfe might have had time to think about this or have your own crises before now, but Amelia's not. Next time, I'll make sure there's a larger division of space in the temple so everyone can take theirs as needed until we're a little more sorted out." That's about the only solution he can offer when the rest requires time and godly intervention, but it was something, at least.
"Regardless...I thank you for telling us and not trying to hide it for some inane reason. Kind of like how Jon's being dodgy now, but I'm sure you've a good reason for it."
Insight 25!
“Unless…” Focus. Focus on what they can handle in the immediate, put a time on the rest so they can set it down knowing it will be handled later. “I want to ask if we can all talk about it after our mission tomorrow. We can take our aggressions out on zombies and be open with each other about how we’re feeling once we’re safely back from the Shadowfell. Please, all of us.”
He gives a meaningful glance to Jon - clearly still hiding something - and then focuses on the group at large, his gaze more pleading than anything. “I’ve been trying not to force anything, and I don’t want to, but the more I think about it, the more I don’t think suffering with our own doubts in silence or only sharing tiny glimpses of our struggles is serving us. We’re all here for love. Escape, yes, but here, in this temple, with these people, for love. The last thing any of us is going to do is suddenly not care for each other after hearing of each other’s struggles. I’m dead certain many of them are shared.”
Whether it’s the impassioned tone of his voice or just the noise of activity, Patience and Cookie come up to flank Wolfe’s sides, receiving absent pets for their presence. Patience stays for a moment, then surveys her assembled pack and gives a low boof to Cookie. Cookie pads to Amelia, laying her head in the rogue’s lap, and Patience leans into Wolfe’s leg before padding to Chris’ side and sitting vigilantly where Chris’ fingers can’t help but lightly brush her fur.
“I imagine the Eye, or anything else, will be less interested when we’ve taken the spice from its food,” Wolfe manages a vague smile at that suggestion, but it’s clear in the tightness around his eyes and the way he braces himself that he expects all of them to argue with him.
no subject
Chris gets a vague nod in answer to his suggestion and thanks, but she doesn't move as Wolfe speaks. Her answer is on the tip of her tongue, a stern and broken-toned 'No.' because she's being asked for this sooner than she wants. Wolfe knew of this and had time to think on it. Jon seems to live in a constant state of not fully knowing who or what he is because of his complicated life. And Chris... he's had a visceral way of reckoning at least some of this in his mind between their arrival yesterday and whatever he did on his own this afternoon. When does she get her time to deal with this? When is she going to be afforded her private moments to cry, scream, and rage with her thoughts until there's something more than 'I don't know' in answer to what's in her head and heart?
Ask for it. Believe they'll say yes. They have reasons to say yes and help you.
She gives Jon a sharp look, a warning to say nothing about the clear thought ringing in her head: What they want is more important than I am. It always is.
"I don't know how much I'll be able to speak, but I will listen." Her eyes remain trained on the Archivist. "So long as what I 'should' be thinking and feeling isn't dictated to me again. I refuse to be spoken down to like that again."
It'll happen anyway, she's certain. Something will be said that will set her off and she'll leave the table in tears of some sort. She'll just need to pull herself together enough to say why she needs to get away from the conversation, then it'll be fine. Or at least less terrible.
Cookie noses at her hands and Amelia finally capitulates to gently pet the top of her head. It does nothing for her mood, but that's not Cookie's fault. The rogue wants her companion to know she's doing what she should, regardless of the outcome. She hopes that comes across enough to keep the dog from whining or putting her paws up in Amelia's lap for more direct attention.
no subject
"I'm not trying to hide anything," he adds before looking at Amelia. "I'm trying to protect you. All of you. I don't actually want to hurt you. And I don't think I'm the right person to soothe anyone in all of this, either."
no subject
"I'm inclined to agree. I'll talk if it feels it'll help, but right now, I'm just as likely to hurt someone's feelings as help. I agree there's plenty that needs airing and addressing, but not yet. After the Shadowfell, yes, but maybe not even immediately after that. It'll come when it comes and not when you decide a time is best."
He's not trying to be mean about it, he sincerely hopes he's not, but his patience is gone in the matter of seconds with all of this. He can taste the barbs in his throat.
"Thank you for trying to hold your tongue, Jon. If we're not going to be any more helpful to each other tonight, then I've got things I need to do afore bed, if that's alright." He says, already starting on said things, but he was mostly asking to be nice, not for permission.
Deception 29
Which is right of him, Wolfe has to concede. Right of them to refuse in their ways. He’s rushing. Like always, he’s trying to rush to the end where they’ve worked things out - like he knows they will eventually - and he’s ashamed for it. For pushing when he’s said so many times he wouldn’t. So Wolfe decides he won’t, no matter how much it makes his innards squirm to back down.
“Alright,” he finally replies, not meekly. Not cheerfully either but he does keep the negativity from his tone entirely. “That’s fair enough. Everyone should be willing when we do talk this over, not just me. Though Jon, as much as I care for you, I would not hesitate to knock you out if you break out in eyeballs. I’m sure I’m not the only one.”
It’s not a threat, and Wolfe doesn’t think anyone will take it as such. It’s as much for Jon’s protection as it is for everyone else’s.
“Regardless. I didn’t say before, but thank you both for telling us. As frustrating as it is that it happened at all, and that you kept it from us even for a short time, I’m glad you were able to work it out between yourselves.” He smiles a little, though it’s at no one in particular. “I should take the girls for a walk before bed too, so we should go on, I guess.”
At the word ‘walk’, Cookie scrambles for the door. Patience looks that way, then up at Chris and the assembled group. Deciding where she’ll do the most good, she heads over to join her sister, though not before giving Chris’ hand a lick. Chuckling mostly with his shoulders, Wolfe shakes his head. “Flames, I should know better than to say that word aloud.”
no subject
"I need to resharpen some of my knives, and I could use time in the springs if no one minds my presence there." Her eyes shift to Jon again, seeing as he's the one who doesn't care for others being naked in his presence, then back back to Wolfe. "You should try the new pants while you take the girls out. If they need any further adjustments, you'll know quickly and I can take care of that before we go to sleep."
She rises to her feet and grabs her bag to signal her readiness to move forward, hesitating at the last moment to look between both Chris and Wolfe. "It was important that you know what happened. We only needed a chance to speak to one another first." Either of them could have gone to the others the second it happened, but with all that frustration, guilt, and anger so fresh, it likely would've been a much more unpleasant conversation. "We'll both do what we can to avoid a repeat of this."
Will it be enough? Is any of what she does enough when everything feels so precarious? Dreams, she can only hope so.
no subject
When everyone else rises, Jon follows suit and heads toward the room with the wardrobe. "I'm getting dressed for bed, then I'll be in the study. Do as you like."
He doesn't wait for acknowledgement or to bid farewell to Wolfe, just disappears inside and closes the door. Poppet is sleeping on one of the pillows within the room and trills sleepily at him when he approaches. Jon resists the urge to pull her into a tight hug and just strokes her for a few moments before he fetches some pajamas out of the wardrobe. It's a long moment before he pulls out some of the nice underwear again, and then puts it back. He doesn't need that. He doesn't deserve that right now.
Dressing is a brief affair before Jon retires to the study, carrying Poppet on her pillow with him. The Archivist will spend the next while until bed reading and practicing his writing. He does want to talk to Chris about the idea of asking Mystra for more than just being woven into the Weave, but it can wait. There's much that can wait.
no subject
For his part, he double-checks his breastplate and sets it out for himself along with his cloak and boots and Death's Door. Usually, he prayed in the mornings, but as the window for the dying of the day neared its closing, he took advantage of the chance to prepare one less thing in the morning.
The gentle weight of Little Thunder on his shoulder accompanies his prayers as he reaches for the spells he'll need to make quick work of whatever swarm they need to subdue. Whatever mess his guardians had made inadvertently. If he were condemned to the shadows of his own life, he could at least clean up after the parts he remembered being responsible for.
It's a ritual that calms and refocuses him. One that makes feeding the raven with him and heading to bed a little earlier than he might normally, an easy choice. His feet still stung from earlier, after all, and he didn't make a habit of wasting magic on something sleep could fix.
While he's not unkind to his family whenever they might make their way to join him, he keeps a peace that brokers no discussion. He'd had quite enough of any kind of talking.
cw: noncon and imprisonment mention
It doesn't matter now. Ever if he did get the chance to see Varric again, his friend wouldn't know him. By sight maybe, by voice, but not by experience. Not all of it. The only one who had that depth of knowledge was...
Dead. Years long dead. Died alone in those damned halls, used for sex and energy, waiting for rescue - Wolfe's rescue - that never came.
Its quiet outside, the natural quiet of no cars or trains or electric lights. It's beyond dark too, and Wolfe has to resist the urge to summon a wisp to light his way. He can't even do that right now lest his magic slip away faster than it already is. Maybe its how it should be, shuffling his way in the dark quiet night and prodding the ground before him with his staff like a blind man. He's cold even with the scavenged clothes and feeling a familiar pressure in his chest. Stress, he acknowledges, but also something else. Something too close to how he felt in the back rooms, or in the Pit.
Or in the Fade.
It's not hopeless, stop being dramatic. Its been less than two days, Wolfe all but growls at himself in his head, but the feeling won't abate. And for the first time since arriving it occurs to him that the lonely feeling maybe isn't because of the distance he's been trying to bridge with his new family, but from the chasm that exists between him and his old one.
He thought he'd processed it, not being exactly who he thought he was, but it still hits him like a physical blow, causing him to stop and take a deeper breath around the pressure that won't go away. He'd talked to Chris that morning about Carver, how Carver was no longer his brother, how it must be so much worse for Chris to know Rhyt and his Guardians are right there but still so far away. But what's hard is not just the lack of people but instead the lack of definition. Who is he if not there for who he loves?The glue that holds all his disparate people together? But they're fracturing anyway. They fractured anyway. Carver and the man I was modeled from are the last of the Hawkes, the group I'd gathered in Kirkwall is fractured to the four winds. I failed my Anders, and Morrigan, and Alaric, and so everyone who never- Who didn't-
Those expectations were his and they were also not, both things true at once that go around and around until the squeeze around his heart makes it difficult to breathe and he stumbles, bringing his hand to his chest, massaging over his heart and trying to focus on what he's been told so many times, mostly by the people so important to him, miserable in that temple around the curve of lake's edge.
I'm not responsible for everyone.
This isn't my fault.
Nothing is currently falling apart.
Not now.
Not yet.
Patience startles him, coming up out of the darkness to shove her head under his arms. He hadn't even realized he was on his knees, but it doesn't matter in favor of soft warm fur and a cold nose.
...
It's quite late when Wolfe finally returns, trying to be as quiet as he can as he gets around for bed. He still feels off. Empty in a way he doesn't like, but it's a softer pressure than it had been.
He should get some sleep. They have work to do in the morning.
(no subject)
(no subject)