makinglies | When you lie next to me

When you lie next to me

[Cassian's head felt a little fuzzy as he, slowly, came out of the darkness of sleep. This didn't sound or smell like his room in the apartment...

As he woke up more, he noticed the warm heaviness of another person in his arms and his brain finally caught up. Last night...he and Jezebel....

His arms tightened ever so slightly around the sleeping doctor, pulling him closer to his chest. He didn't want to wake him. He knew that what they'd done had been under the influence of a curse...but that didn't matter, it was what he'd wanted. Besides, this moment, like this, felt more perfect than anything before last night. If only it could last forever.]

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[Jezebel felt warm. In the hazy fog of sleep, that did not seem strange to him, that he was wrapped in a warm, comforting embrace that seemed to surround him more securely than a blanket ever would. For a little while, he stayed as he was, enjoying the security of this feeling, of being cradled in another's arms.

It wasn't until fragments of memory appeared that he realized this might be strange. Pieces of last night floated through his brain -- the feel of Cassian's hands, the pressure of his kiss, the want that had run through his body as they fell into bed together...

For a moment, he tried to remember if it was real or some feverish delusion he had dreamed up out of sheer longing. He settled his answer when he slowly pried his eyelids open, peering out to see the other man there.

Out of (rather sleepy) surprise, he let out a low:] Oh...

[The sound drew Cass' attention and he offered a small smile. However, the fact 'oh' was the reaction he got just shook up his insecurities...but he tried not to let it show.

He knew they'd had this conversation before...but it was still a hard feeling to shake.]

Hey..

[Looking at Cassian's face, he felt a strange mixture of emotions -- awkwardness, and a small, flush feeling of shame. He remembered the night before, how he had wanted what happened so badly -- but he also remembered that it had been because of a curse. Cassian may have desired him the night before, but it might not hold true any longer.

Still. There was a small sense of triumph. He'd had at least one night, though now that he and Cassian were awake and entwined and naked, he felt unsure of his own words.]

Hello. [There was a moment's hesitation before he inched a little closer to the other man, leaning the side of his face to the other man's chest. It was affectionate, yes, but also a way to avoid Cassian's eyes on his.] How do you feel?

[Cassian hesitated only a moment before reaching up to run his hand through long hair.]

I'm fine....good.

What about you?

[Without even meaning to, Jezebel let out a contented noise at the feel of Cassian's hand.] I feel well.

[He hesitated a moment before speaking -- the small feeling of shame was rising, reminding him that Cassian had not been in his right mind the night before. Which had not exactly stopped him from taking advantage of it.]

Last night...you were cursed, weren't you?

[Cassian's hand stopped with Jezebel's question, still resting in the other man's hair.]

...yeah, I was. I don't know what kind of curse it was but... [He shrugged. It didn't really matter now. Of course...now that it had been brought up, he could feel his chest tightening in anxiety. Just because he'd wanted it--curse or no--didn't mean Jezebel really had. He might have just gotten caught up in the moment and was now regretting it. After all, it had been Cassian who had instigated.]

...I'm sorry. I pushed myself on you.

[Jezebel frowned, shifting slightly to look up at the other man. Why on earth was he apologizing for something Jezebel had so clearly wanted?]

Cassian, I was not exactly trying to resist, you know.

[A small, slightly bitter, smile crosses his lips as he looked down into the other man's eyes.]

That doesn't mean you can't regret it now; people do a lot of things they don't mean to in the heat of the moment.

[He shook his head slightly.] I regret that I...indulged when you were cursed. When you weren't in your right mind.

[He shut his eyes for a moment, feeling frustrated with himself and more than a little guilty -- because truth be told, he had enjoyed it, enjoyed it as much as he'd have ever hoped he would, but the circumstances had been all wrong.] I knew you had been hesitant before and yet I encouraged it.

[He stayed silent a moment before moving to place their foreheads together, gently, eyes closed. Unfortunately, it would always be easier to be honest when he wasn't looking at Jezebel directly.]

I was hesitant, yeah, but that doesn't mean I didn't want it. I guess I had my doubts stripped. Besides, it's done, I can't take it back....and I wouldn't want to, either.

[Jezebel smiled the tiniest bit -- he would never truly understand this man who wanted him and yet did his best to be careful with him. There was a reckless part of him that wished to kiss him firmly, to try and repeat what they had done the night before right then, but instead ran his fingers along the skin of his arm.]

I still should have let you take your time. Do things at your own pace, and not let some curse dictate your desires. [A pause, and then:] This was your first time with a man, wasn't it?

[Whatever he was going to say To Jezebel's statement got swallowed up by his embarrassment at the doctor's question. He opened his eyes but quickly looked to the other man's lips, anywhere but his eyes, and he could feel his cheeks go hot.]

Well...actually...that was my first time...ever.

[Oh...that was a hundred times more embarrassing now that it was said.]

[There was several seconds' pause where Jezebel looked at him, surprise mixing with guilt in his eyes. He knew that he was the first -- and probably only -- man that Cassian had expressed desire for. But there had been women, the Ringmaster's lover -- and in the time after Jezebel's death in that other world, he could only guess that Cassian might have sought comfort in the arms of some willing woman...

But no. He had been wrong about this, and it only made his sense of shame rise higher.

When he saw Cassian's eyes on his lips, he leaned closer; as some act of penance and affection, he kissed him slowly, his lips light and gentle before he pulled away.] ...my apologies. For taking advantage. It should have been circumstances you had chosen better than this.

[The kiss caused him to look up and his gaze softened. He leaned forward and kissed Jezebel more deeply than before and rolled them over so he had the doctor lightly pinned.]

I'm not some virginal, young, bride that you got drunk and took advantage of; stop acting like it.

I don't regret anything about last night.....and I'd hope you didn't either.

[The kiss caught him by surprise, as did the sudden shift in position -- but he would be lying if he said he did not enjoy it. The change let him see more of Cassian's body, and he felt a small surge of want -- it reminded him that they were still in bed, still naked, and the memories of the night before suddenly felt more potent as he remembered the feel of Cassian's body against his.

Breathlessly, he shook his head in response:] No. No, I don't.

[As if in apology for the chaste kiss earlier, he pressed his lips against Cassian's more firmly, holding it longer before asking in a voice hinting at the want he'd felt:] You enjoyed this, then?

[Cassian smiled a little into the kiss and let it grow after.]

Yeah, I did.

[Scanning Jezebel's face, he felt a surge of warmth that brought with it a bit more boldness, and his smiled morphed into a smirk.]

And I certainly wouldn't be against it happening again...

[The feeling of want that had started to rise in him was growing -- Cassian was naked and pressed warm against him, and it would just be so easy to give in. He was remembering even more clearly how the previous night had felt, with Cassian pressing him down, his hands firm and his kiss warm and how it had felt when he slid inside him --

Jezebel leaned up to capture Cassian's lips once again, letting it hold longe,r letting it show his desire. When he broke the kiss, he kept his eyes on Cassian and their foreheads touching as he murmured in a husky voice:] Then you should. You should bring me to your bed every night if you wish. [As he said it, his hand found Cassian's chest, running along the skin of his torso.]

[Cassian let his own desire show in that kiss and his hands were already caressing whatever parts of Jezebel they could find.] Then I will. Every night. [And sometimes in the morning as this morning was shaping up. But he didn't mind in the slightest. His lips found Jezebel's neck and chest as his hands started to trail along the doctor's waist and hips.]

[Without even meaning to, Jezebel let out a short, breathy moan. Still underneath the other man, he pressed himself closer, his head falling back to the mattress and looking up at Cassian from where he lay. One of his hands slid over Cassian's back as the other slid through his hair. His voice was husky and low as he muttered:] Ah, Cassian...

[Cassian's desire showed itself as he slowly ground their hips together as his hands made tracks on the doctor's chest as they slid up again.

Still moving against the other man, he leaned down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Jezebel's lips.]

[Jezebel groaned, his hips rolling toward the other man without his meaning to. He returned the kiss warmly, pressing back eagerly while his hands grabbed Cassian's hips, holding them still though he could rub his own against him with more friction.

He'd had lovers before, but this was the first time he'd had one that could incite desire in him so easily. And he was the first lover he'd had where he was all too willing to expose how needy he felt and how badly he wanted him.]

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When you lie next to me

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