makinglies | Kanan

"The Empire is hunting down force sensitive children and kidnapping them for their own ends." It's blunt, to the point, but there's still a level of respect for a master from a knight, from a rescuee to his rescuer, and perhaps even a small amount of childish want for someone above him to just... tell him what he's supposed to be doing. He's a knight now, but he'd spent the last eighteen years as a perpetual padawan, by necessity putting the Code behind him until Hera.

Until Ezra.

Ezra was lucky, or protected by the Force as some other Jedi would have probably said in a bygone age considering how some of them view the concept of luck, but whatever it was that kept Ezra safe from the Inquisitors, not all children of the Force would be safe. Not if they don't do anything to stop it.

"They need help, help I don't think someone without a connection to the Force can provide, and there's so few of us left."

As if this weren't already painful enough. He drags a hand over his face, but only briefly.

"I know."

He can also hear the desire for him to be... more than he currently is. Worse, he understands it. He wishes he were more than he currently is, too - or even half as much as he was ever made out to be, but has never been. He also wishes Yoda were more than Yoda currently is.

Neither of those change the reality of who anyone is, though, or of what this moment - in history, in time, and even just in front of him - is.

"You know?" That's news, and puts everything in a much different light. That Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, general and hero of the Clone Wars, knows that younglings are being kidnapped by the very same Empire that brought down the entire Order to be brainwashed and used or disposed of or who knows what, and instead he's sitting in a glorified sandbox doing nothing.

"You know?" he repeats, the respect he'd shown before wavering in the face of what that means. He's angry. Of course he's angry, he has a right to be angry. This is wrong, and maybe his anger is against the Code but so is sitting on your ass while people suffer.

"If you know then why are you still here?"

Because he knows.

Not just that there is a force sensitive child here, or that he is very much both doing nothing and not, but also that the future is a funny thing and he has both no future at all beyond this planet, and an unimaginable one that he must be prepared for.

He also knows that he cannot tell this many any of this in a way that will make any sense at all. That he is, the moment he opens his mouth, sound like no one so much as Qui-Gon being infuriatingly cryptic. Both when his Master was alive and even more so now. Blast man.

Or like a fool paralyzed by pain and, though Vader's identity is not known, guilt. Which is not entirely, he must admit if only to himself, untrue.

He braces his hand on the counter and looks the other man in the eye, not flinching outwardly at least. He even sounds a little apologetic (and a lot absolutely exhausted).

"You're the boy who gave me the idea of using the transmitter." Bit random that, but the realization comes with the eye-contact. Then: "I am the past, acting as a Guardian." Jedi guardian, "for the future. The rebellion and the empire are the present. I know, but I also cannot."

Oh for the love of- This. This Kanan did not miss. The riddles, the speaking at angles. He's too frustrated to acknowledge that Kenobi finally recognized him. "Taking down the Empire has got to be more important than whatever you're guarding."

He's not sure what he's asking. His emotions are a whirlwind, one he knows he should seek to calm, but there's something young and spiteful in him that wills it otherwise. If Kenobi won't raise a finger, why should he bother masking his distaste? They're both breaking their oaths, but one of them is calmly watching far worse consequences unfold without action.

"The remaining Jedi need you and they're out there, involved in a fight they don't even know is theirs. They didn't ask for this, my apprentice didn't ask for this. Hell, I didn't ask for this, but we're still doing what's right." Kanan's mouth presses in a thin line, his own words feeling a little hollow. Yes, they're doing what's right. Fighting the Empire, rescuing people as much as they can, but he still hesitates even now. How long had it taken for him to trust Rex, a clone just like the others who'd murdered his Order, his master? How uneasy has he been since being convinced to join Phoenix cell? It's not safe, it's not how he'd learned to survive in the long years after the Purge, and he can't imagine it was easy for Master Kenobi either.

He won't take back what he's said, but Kanan's expression softens a bit regardless. "There isn't going to be a future if Vader and his Inquisitors kidnap every Force sensitive child in the galaxy."

He laughs - one, sharp, bark of laughter.

"I. Know."

Enunciating very carefully, being oddly pointed - as in making a point without actually saying what the point is, and aware of it? Absolutely. Leaking frustration into the Force? Also, very definitely, yes. The bitter humor that sparked that bark of laughter is tangled in there, too.

He just cannot help it. It's simply too perfectly ironic to be lectured about the importance of guarding the future versus what he is guarding here - it is the future - or the lack of one if the Empire captures every Force sensitive child.

"What, precisely, did you come here in search of?"

"Aid, originally." He watches Kenobi, really watches him. Watches the tightness in him, the aura of what he'd taken to be the same indefinable mysticism as every master he'd ever met as a padawan but wonders now if its simpler than that. If it's not an unwillingness to help but an inability to escape the weight of the past. Whatever the case, he knows he's already overstepped.

"Guidance. Master Yoda spoke to my apprentice, told us to go to Malachor, but the way is clouded. I know I can't protect him, simply prepare him, but I have no idea what we're facing and we have to succeed if the rebellion is going to have any chance. The archives are long out of reach and information on Malachor was taboo even when the Republic was in power. I was hoping you knew something.

He was hoping to bring General Kenobi into the fold of the Rebellion, but that's no longer an option. At least, he doesn't think so.

He is relieved by the question, for all he knows it is not what the original purpose of this visit was, because it means he can provide something of use.

"The site of an ancient battle between the Jedi and the Sith, and home to an ancient Sith Temple. I've no direct experience with that specific temple, but have some with another." He nods at a chair and turns to use some more water to begin to make tea. "I'll tell you what I can, though how useful it will be I cannot particularly say."

When the man had said 'I know nothing', he is assuming nothing, but he can go forward from that rudimentary bit, regardless.

"A Sith temple? No wonder it was forbidden in the Archives." Kanan takes Kenobi's node as intended and folds himself into the chair, long legs stretched a little out in front of him just for comfort's sake.

"Why would Master Yoda send us there? Do you know if there's something's hidden in the temple?" He doesn't expect an answer to the first question. Now, as in his childhood, asking anything clarifying about or to Master Yoda always just resulted in more questions or more riddles.

The question startles a laugh from him - rusty, and still sharp, but this time without the bitterness. "Well, yes. I do imagine that if Master Yoda has sent you that there will be something there. If he's claiming that the way is clouded, that would imply something related to the Sith - or something that frightens him, or something that he does not want to share."

He loves Yoda, almost as a parent in some ways, though without the traditional attachment the role would imply. He also still has some anger toward the Grandmaster. He does not have enough of either one to keep him from recognizing that Yoda is, above all else, the grandmaster of never giving a straight answer.

"Which is useless, I realize. The best I can do is tell you that my one exposure to a Sith Temple and it's long defunct security system was... educational and not something I would like to repeat, much less with a Padwan."

Kenobi's assessment of Master Yoda's guidance pulls an amused sort of snort from Kanan as well. While he worked less closely with the Grandmaster, there was always a sense that he was being mysterious for its own sake, rather than for any real reason. "In this case, it must be related to the Sith, considering there's a temple there."

Kanan cards three fingers through his short beard, dusting sand out of it just as much as thinking. That stuff really does get everywhere... "Ezra's clever, but anything you can tell me about how the security system worked at the one you have experience with could help us."

He'd rather figure out what they're supposed to be looking for instead, but he doesn't expect Master Kenobi has any idea on that front. In mentioning Ezra, though, he does wonder if he shouldn't ask the Master about that too. He's only a knight himself, and that only recently and through strange means. Kanan may have found a bit better footing in teaching Ezra in recent months, but there's still so much he doesn't know about having a Padawan. What he should make sure Ezra knows, how he can prepare him for not just the battles to come but for life as a Jedi, even one without the Order to refer to.

But first thing's first. He can serve Ezra best by getting as much information as possible about what they might be facing.

This is highly personal and as such uncomfortable, but it is also necessary if he wants to help.

He does, very much, want to help. So there is a pause, but only a brief one. When he answers he does so with typical, even archetypical, Jedi neutrality. "There was an artifact there that was... targeting Jedi. It began affecting me while we were in orbit around the planet, attempting to convince me to crash the plane. On the planet there were several attempts to have me attack my non-force sensitive companion. A lot of nausea and vomiting from the sheer... intensity of Darkness. The most consistent aspect, however, was a near continual and increasingly strong suggestion that I die."

It was not a good time is what he is saying here and the thought of a child dealing with that does not sit well with him. He also doesn't know what to do about it, beyond ensure that it is at least not a surprise.

Kenobi explains what he experienced and Kanan listens respectfully, but with a growing trepidation. His thoughts mirror that of the master; how could he take Ezra into something that would potentially make him feel like that? Make him feel like...

Kanan rarely talks about those years running from the burgeoning Empire. Cold and hungry and desperate on the Rim with only his wits and the Force to aid him. But the Force was not his ally then. It was a liability, the entire reason he was being hunted, wanted dead. The reason Master Billaba had died. He'd hated it for a time, willed it away, wished to just be some normal person who didn't have to crawl through ducts to steal food or stow away in cramped compartments to escape stormtroopers. In time he'd grown and decided that hatred of himself was misdirected, that the Empire's new chokehold on the galaxy made it worse for everyone, Jedi or not, but that wish to be other than what he was he would always carry with him as being so different from the certainty he'd been filled with at the Temple on Coruscant. A defender of innocents, an upholder of the Light. Something he's never been sure he can communicate to Ezra properly for the driving need to prepare him simply to survive.

But Ezra doesn't just survive, Ezra thrives, and Kanan remembers again his knighting at the temple on Lothal. All he can do is prepare Ezra, and he'll damn well go with him to have his back too. It's a wonder how attached he's grown to his apprentice and he's suddenly intensely self-conscious that Kenobi will see that and reprimand him for such attachment. It's not the Jedi way, but... well. There is no Order anymore, is there.

Kanan lets out a long breath and shifts slightly in his seat. "What sort of artifact was it? Were you able to counteract the effects of its Dark Side taint?"

"Well, I'm not dead."

Okay, smart-ass. He sighs, softly, knowing that isn't a particularly good answer. "We did ultimately locate the artifact responsible and destroy it." That was not the same as neutralizing anything, and he knows it, but it had been the best he'd been able to do, beyond moments of being able to push the darkness back. That those moments didn't last long still felt like failure.

Enough so that he has to set aside his defensiveness about it.

"Having someone with me who was not force sensitive was extremely useful." Especially given the inability to eat and, eventually, a broken arm. "I'd recommend handing weapons you may be carrying over to them for the duration as a safety measure. I'd also recommend landing as close to the temple as you can - I'd also suggest not being conscious while doing so."

Seriously, you're going to need someone who isn't force sensitive for this.

He should chide Kanan about attachment and where it leads. He can't bring himself to. Yet, anyway.

"I don't think I can do that." He's going to get scolded, or at least that very arched look he remembers Master Kenobi giving his youngling classmates when they were thoughtless in lessons, and he's certain that look wont hide any of the held back laughter he remembers. But he's not going to put the rest of his companions in danger for his and Ezra's problems. It's precisely because they're not Force sensitive that he needs them to stay as far away from this as possible. He, Ezra, and Ahsoka can hardly keep the Inquisitors at bay on their own. What chance do Zeb and Sabine have, even as skilled as they are?

What chance would Hera have?

"But you said that was because of this artifact. I can't imagine it would be the same exact thing you dealt with, Ma- er, Ben." He catches himself awkwardly, shifting in his chair again to where it's almost a squirm. This feeling is one he hasn't had in awhile, one of seeking approval. He's been his own master for so long it's very strange to fall back into old habits, but Ben - Obi-Wan - he opens old wounds and awakens old habits that Kanan thought dead and buried with Caleb Dume.

"The Inquisitors will be there, I'm certain of that much. This isn't a fight for the rest of the Spectres. The Rebellion needs them."

"Can you imagine a scenario where a sith temple that was once a battle site isn't guarded against Jedi? Or that the guarding won't involve the Force?"

Scolded? No, but his tone is a bit sharp and a lot exasperated.

Honestly, what is this man thinking.

Kanan

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CW: Mentions of suicidal ideation

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