He wants to feel disappointed, he wants to feel something safer than the relief that comes. This would be so much easier if he could simply believe it would remain one-sided, even allowed time. What a cruel trick of fate to want romance so desperately while knowing it was as ridiculous and painful as sticking your hand in a flame and expecting it not to burn. At least it might be warm for a moment.
"I am afraid of quite a bit. I am afraid of dying and yet I've stood far too close to that edge outside the window and swam across the entire lake wearing fully woolen robes when Winter threatened the temperature of the waters. I did so because the sweetness of feeling freedom outweighed the fear of the Void. It might kill me should something happen to you...but only because having held you was sweet enough to be worth it."
He stands and leans over the table, over Alaric, his hand coming up to take his chin so Anders could angle his face up towards his own. "I can't promise the fear you're sensing will go away, but I can promise regret would never join it."
He blinks at that - not at the hand on his chin or how very easy it would be to kiss Anders, but at the clear headedness and honesty of the answer. The recognition that he may be afraid, but he will do the thing anyway and not regret it.
Nothing has ever told him more about Anders, and it was a solid, hard, shove toward loving Anders. Really, truly, loving him.
His reaction is still that blink, a moment of silence and leaning in to kiss Anders' briefly before matter of factly saying: "Then I'm going with you." There'd be sex, and that would be fine. Better than.
The kiss is easily, readily, returned but there's a near-laugh just after it. Startled, incredulous, but affectionate all the same.
"Such certainty! You know I have to ask for special dispensation and get permission, right? I can't just smuggle you out under my cloak, as much as I may wish to. Not that it would be a problem for me, of course." He knew how to work his silver tongue, it even worked more often than not on Irving, as much of his own snake as he was.
Uncertainty tinged Anders' humor and he released Alaric's chin to trace his fingers over his cheek instead. "Still, I'm not certain if we should...my cycle...in that state, I'm certain I'll be unbearable company, especially towards you. That was perhaps the one benefit of being away when it started. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He was already a bit possessive and certainly protective of Alaric on a good day. A bad one he was sure he'd end up being an asshole Alpha no different than any other.
"...I am very confident in my abilities to get what I want, yes," he says, very dryly. Really, he probably shouldn't be. He is however both a spoiled brat and in possession of some abilities that are a Problem when he has very little reason to weigh morality against them.
He should probably care about more than three people here, with two of them being kitchen staff. It would likely stop him becoming an actual nightmare. ...come to that with the silver tongue and manipulative ability of Anders, both are likely true.
He tilts to the touch and then sharply lifts his eyebrow: "Are you concerned you'll be insufferable to me or brawling with the other people present?" Those are different concerns so clarify, Mister. Immediately said the totally imperious tone.
They were a deadly combination, especially when Anders' morality was already dubious on a good day, but he'd have to care more than he did to be too worried about that right now. Especially when Alaric had another deadly combination that lured Anders no different than a siren's song: those eyes with that ridiculously imperious tone. Who knew he was so attracted to 'bratty?'
"Both? I'll most certainly be defensive and protective, I may be possessive and might insist you stay within sight as often as possible which is far more controlling than I think serves to be pleasant or attractive. I'm...not entirely certain. It's been a number of years since I felt strongly towards anyone and this is different besides. I can only predict myself so much. I do know I tend to get more pushy and rude, by all accounts."
"I am not willing to create a problem for you, with the others or with the real authority here. Otherwise, I find it incredibly endearing that you don't quite realize that you really cannot and likely will not, actually push at me."
He really really needs to adore Anders less. It's uncomfortable and unexpected and -
And he wants to go protect ANDERS while Anders is in rut.
He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. "Just because I wouldn't be successful does not mean I wouldn't be unpleasant...but I'm not nearly strong enough to stop you from coming despite that, only warn you. If you are sufficiently warned...I'll see to it you're allowed to accompany me. There's a number of convenient excuses I could use, plus it is a good experience for a mage to have."
Maybe, with time, Alaric could even prove himself enough to earn his own outings and errands. With accompaniment, of course...the Circle wouldn't let their leash run too lax no matter what good behavior a person had, but he suspected it might be a nice thing for his friend. Some small freedom after losing all of it at once. He'd start some whispers in the right ears if this went well.
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"I am afraid of quite a bit. I am afraid of dying and yet I've stood far too close to that edge outside the window and swam across the entire lake wearing fully woolen robes when Winter threatened the temperature of the waters. I did so because the sweetness of feeling freedom outweighed the fear of the Void. It might kill me should something happen to you...but only because having held you was sweet enough to be worth it."
He stands and leans over the table, over Alaric, his hand coming up to take his chin so Anders could angle his face up towards his own. "I can't promise the fear you're sensing will go away, but I can promise regret would never join it."
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Nothing has ever told him more about Anders, and it was a solid, hard, shove toward loving Anders. Really, truly, loving him.
His reaction is still that blink, a moment of silence and leaning in to kiss Anders' briefly before matter of factly saying: "Then I'm going with you." There'd be sex, and that would be fine. Better than.
no subject
"Such certainty! You know I have to ask for special dispensation and get permission, right? I can't just smuggle you out under my cloak, as much as I may wish to. Not that it would be a problem for me, of course." He knew how to work his silver tongue, it even worked more often than not on Irving, as much of his own snake as he was.
Uncertainty tinged Anders' humor and he released Alaric's chin to trace his fingers over his cheek instead. "Still, I'm not certain if we should...my cycle...in that state, I'm certain I'll be unbearable company, especially towards you. That was perhaps the one benefit of being away when it started. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He was already a bit possessive and certainly protective of Alaric on a good day. A bad one he was sure he'd end up being an asshole Alpha no different than any other.
no subject
He should probably care about more than three people here, with two of them being kitchen staff. It would likely stop him becoming an actual nightmare. ...come to that with the silver tongue and manipulative ability of Anders, both are likely true.
He tilts to the touch and then sharply lifts his eyebrow: "Are you concerned you'll be insufferable to me or brawling with the other people present?" Those are different concerns so clarify, Mister. Immediately said the totally imperious tone.
no subject
"Both? I'll most certainly be defensive and protective, I may be possessive and might insist you stay within sight as often as possible which is far more controlling than I think serves to be pleasant or attractive. I'm...not entirely certain. It's been a number of years since I felt strongly towards anyone and this is different besides. I can only predict myself so much. I do know I tend to get more pushy and rude, by all accounts."
no subject
He really really needs to adore Anders less. It's uncomfortable and unexpected and -
And he wants to go protect ANDERS while Anders is in rut.
no subject
Maybe, with time, Alaric could even prove himself enough to earn his own outings and errands. With accompaniment, of course...the Circle wouldn't let their leash run too lax no matter what good behavior a person had, but he suspected it might be a nice thing for his friend. Some small freedom after losing all of it at once. He'd start some whispers in the right ears if this went well.