Alaric does manage a couple of hours of sleep after Anders has gone, but not much more than that. He misses the man - the sense of safety and enjoyment of Anders company is dangerous, in and of itself.
When he re-emerges and makes his way toward breakfast he's put together again - down to his hair being neatly tied back.
He goes looking for Anders - and it's early enough to use that extra bit of ability and sixth sense to lead him there.
He's down by the kitchens, not too far from the dining hall itself. He's cleaned up and managed a bit of a doze, his thoughts and feelings too tied up in themselves and his mind fluctuating between taking ten steps back from this feeling growing in him he already knows the shape of and fears, and wanting to run full-tilt to it to keep it close and safe and here this time.
The distraction of putting himself back together so his hair is exactly in place and what kohl he's afforded traces his eyes is nice, it's when he puts on some of his nicer robes that it occurs to him what he'd been aiming for in distraction and a physical step to put his masks and comforts back in place, has accidentally turned into something similar to dressing up for a date. Oh well, he's already here.
When he looks up to see Alaric coming around the corner from where he stands at the doors to the kitchens, it's all worth it and any remaining turmoil over his own foolishness flees. He smiles brightly as he shifts, hip cocking to the side. "Well, you look much more yourself. Lovely. You're just in time, it'll be easier to carry what we can snag if there's more hands."
He wants to say that Anders looks much less himself, albeit attractive, but given how well he realizes his own reasons for being sure his hair is tied back and he looks... put together rather than vulnerable, that would be unkind.
Probably.
"Not a thought that had occurred to me, but true all the same. How much will be convincing and how much will be taking and fleeing?"
"Oh, ninety percent convincing of course, we're only sort of criminals, but anything you snag while the cook's assistants are looking elsewhere will be bonus." He winks and leads them in with a bit of a flourish as they go. His head is held higher, almost imperious, but he moves with a graceful confidence as he sweeps them into the kitchens. There's a small fervor of activity as people cook and chop and prepare food not only for breakfast, but for the rest of the day as well. Anders moves through them towards the center of the room, past boxes of fresh fruit and vegetables and cooling racks of rolls and bran muffins.
Near the center of the room are two people, a human woman and a male elf, one half to his elbows in flour and the other going over a list. "Marena, Kolian, hello and good morning how are my two favorite assistants today? Marena you're looking lovely." Honeyed words and roguish smiles fell on the pair with all the confidence of a man meant to be where he's standing and doing what he's doing, though their twin looks of mixed annoyance and fondness told otherwise.
"Get out, Anders, you're not meant to be here." Kolian scolded from where he was kneading bread, but his expression turned to flushed exasperation when Anders stepped into his space to murmur something quietly to him before turning his attention to the woman who crossed her arms.
"Whatever it is you want, the answer's no, you're trouble and bound to find more for us all if you're not out in the next few minutes."
Anders moved closer to her and took on a perfectly innocent and almost wounded look. "Trouble? Not I, I'm merely trying to show a man a calm and quiet breakfast, surely you could spare a couple plates early. Promise I won't leave them around this time. Please, Marena, we'll be even and you won't have to suffer my flattery again. Until you want to, that is."
He knows what Anders is doing. He can even understand why Anders directed it at him. He isn't so sure it's inherently the best tactic to employ, but he understands.
He also sure it isn't the best tactic to use.
Complicated.
He eventually steps forward with a slightly wan smile. "He's trying to be helpful. I'm meant to be resting today and I would rather not eat than face a full dining room. I promise he'll clear up after himself, and if he doesn't or won't I will."
Marena looks between them both, her expression betraying a bit of sympathy that washes under careful indifference quickly after. She turns and gathers two plates that she moves about and with practiced speed fills them both with cooked meats, breads, fruit, and cheese, then finds a small tray to place the plates on along with silk bags of tea leaves and a small pitcher of water with cups to add to it. As she works, she speaks.
"Don't get caught and, if you are, you stole it, you here me? Also warm the water yourself, I've no time to make you your own tea." She turns and puts the tray into Anders' hands and the pitcher into Alaric's, then leans a bit closer to him to mutter: "Watch yourself, noble-born, you could probably find some better company than this. Less of a headache, too. Now, out of my kitchen, both of you."
Anders, who most certainly pretended he didn't hear what she'd muttered to Alaric, winks and smiles to her. "Until next time, fair lady, thank you." Then lead them back out into the hall.
"No, though I'm not quite certain that you didn't just make it more difficult than necessary." There's no response to what he was told. It isn't a thing he can reply to, but he notes it down and is stubbornly determined not to listen - in part because he was told.
In part because of the noble-born thing.
Which is accurate but...painful and frustrating in turns.
Regardless he has a jug.
"Now let's get out of sight before we are caught and have to make thieves of ourselves." Or, you know, he just does something awful because he's not in the mood to play nice and can.
"I made it more fun." He shot a smirk over Alaric's way, the veneer of collected confidence easing into something less performative and more comfortable as he led them to the lesser used staircase to sneak up.
"You've been here only a short time, soon you'll see that the circle has absolutely everything a man needs to survive: protection, food, shelter, safe beds. It lacks anything a man might need to live, however, minus some break in tedium for study, but even study can be tedious when forced. Your fun and interest and freedom must be taken elsewhere or you really will find yourself melting into psychoses. Some here are able to make a life for themselves they deem happy and healthy, but they're willfully deluded."
He knows he's being hypocritical in saying it when he'd very nearly found a balance that held happiness for himself, something he could have quietly abided by and only kept his derision to darker nights when the walls threatened to suffocate, but that moment of near-peace had been lost and he much preferred to pretend he didn't know what it took to placate him.
"Not that I'm saying flirt with the kitchen staff, only that you'll find some way to entertain yourself as well, you'll have to."
"I am not convinced that what you are doing is entertaining yourself."
Just going to toss that out there, now that they are away from the kitchen and he feels more free to speak - and also now that Anders has made an open claim of that that is.
He is also sure that his freedom is very limited, and knows he will, at some point, have to find something to break the tedium. He just can't quite imagine it right now. In part because he does not hate it here, but also because he is still very much too busy adjusting to get bored.
Trying to adjust.
Maybe he should focus less on that -- but Anders is a good enough diversion and if he doesn't think too hard about what he is going to do, he doesn't have to think too much about what he can't.
"What do you do besides flirt ceaselessly to amuse yourself, then?"
Anders' expression turns curious and almost challenging, as if to say 'no? then what am I doing?' though it doesn't leave his mouth.
"I like to kiss people, sometimes fool around behind that hideous statue of Andraste that takes up the end of a hall...though less so these days, I suppose." He'd kissed a few people and slept with a few others over the last few years, but it had all but stopped for a few exceptions in the last year and a half. Now with his attention on Alaric, he'd largely stopped even that, though it was obviously more to do with being careful. One had to plan these things, after all, or risk being caught. He didn't dislike any of his liaisons, but he didn't like any of them enough to risk that.
"Really, my time is mostly taken with plants, potions, healing, and the occasional venture out of the tower to heal in the local villages. Had to go on a trip to heal a noble once, he was very kind."
"So, following through with your flirting and healing entire villages. How very impressive."
He doesn't sound impressed, he sounds like he's meeting that challenge, though perhaps his flat look - while continuing to walk and carry their tea - has something to do with that.
"What brand of kind was the noble." There's a variety. Explain.
"Are you judging me, Alaric?" There's amusement as much as there's false affront. He's not especially bothered, though it'd be a lie to say he didn't care at all.
As they passed the floor with the cycle wards on them, Anders took a moment to turn to look at him fully, though careful of the tray he still held. "Or are you jealous? I haven't kissed you today, perhaps you miss me."
It shouldn't thrill him: the idea that Alaric might care enough to be jealous, to care who else might have Anders' time and attention, but it did and how fun just the thought was, however mean the teasing. And a far simpler thing than talking about Bann Ferrenly.
"I do miss you. I am not jealous." Not enough energy present for that. "Possibly possessive." Could he blame come down from hormones on that? He doesn't know. Not enough experience with... anything there, much less alphas. "I am also wondering how hard it would be to get into the kitchen elf's pants." Which is contradictory but again, can he blame some sort of hormonal thing?
Alaric was toying with him, he knew this game, he was checking to see if he could get a rise out of Anders. On a better day, he might have been able to simply step away from it and laugh it off or call his friend out on it. Right now, it was a very good thing he had the tray of food, cause he might have simply pushed Alaric to the wall and kiss him then, and not the light kind of kiss he'd been vaguely planning on once they were upstairs.
Instead, he feels a thrill for possessive and then possessiveness of his own at the idea of Alaric laying with Kolian. Though, not as much as if he'd mentioned an Alpha in his musing.
There's no wall, not for each of their burdens, but he shifts his hold enough to take the tray's weight onto his arm so one hand is free. With it, he curls around Alaric's shoulders and grips his fingers firmly into the strands of his hair to turn his head as Anders pulled Alaric close to his side and into a searing kiss. He nearly clacked their teeth together for it, but his tongue dives into Alaric's mouth seeking as much as claiming and willing his scent to go to the other man in a way he wasn't usually comfortable with. It was assertive and possessive in a way he had no right to and some part of him felt bad, a part that would win out soon enough and beg the apology he owed, but the Alpha part of him reveled in it, in staking even this light claim.
When they break for air, he strokes the hair he'd abused in his haste. "Probably not that hard, he likes a pretty face and he has a gentle hand...but I might be a touch possessive myself."
It is likely not only obvious, but painfully obvious, that Alaric has no idea how to respond.
Not to the kiss - the kiss is welcome and fine, and he gets one hand on Anders shoulder and uses the other to support the tray - but to that kind of kiss.
There is a subtle sort of up and down in response. Almost relaxing and melting into it, then turning a little aggressive and applying the edges of his teeth in how he returns it. A soft groan that turns into a similarly soft growl. A back and forth that just isn't quite... settled.
He even half leans into the hand on his hair before straightening up further and moving the tray's weight back more solidly onto both of Anders' arm so he can disengage.
At least his mildly surprised look turning into a soft laugh isn't part of that, even if the tiny bit of unsteadiness is. "Just a bit -- and I'll take both that and the assessemnt under advisement for some future point."
He didn't remember stepping into a perfect world where Alaric would kiss him back like that. Reciprocating he'd been hoping on, but that back and forth...inexperience? A war of desire or reaction? Instinct versus will? He wasn't sure the reason for the feeling of comfort mixed with an edge, like Alaric wasn't sure he wanted to submit or fight, but Anders found he wanted to find out which side would win.
Not today, sadly, but Maker bless him with another chance for a perfect world where he might just find out.
He ducked down to kiss Alaric's shoulder, then bumped it lightly with his own so they could keep moving. "Please do."
The last few flights Anders was silent, lost to thought of the kiss and the man next to him and the fact he really...was feeling that burning edge of a knife in him at even the idea of someone else climbing into Alaric's bed. No, if Alaric wanted to play around that was fine, it was the circle no one had a right to anyone until a mate was decided for you. If a mate was decided for you. Those with particular attributes the Chantry found valuable or those especially prone to submission to the rules often did, he had no doubt they would each be bound to someone eventually for their gifts, if not their ability to listen. Of course, he'd spent years playing the good little boy and still he'd seen the last man he'd cared this much for escorted away to be bound to someone else.
That thought cut deeply and harshly and absolutely terrified him. He shouldn't entertain this.
They made it to the Eleventh floor and the door opened to resplendent color, the stained glass painting the hall with the morning's sunrise.
The cause of the reaction was inexperience, but it was inexperience as it applied to specific sorts of scenarios (alphas, alphas he'd spent heat with) and instincts. He didn't know what side was likely to win, either.
He did know he was playing with fire.
Even if he was distinctly and definitely not looking at the possibility of being bred. He'd submit to a lot (and break a lot of rules) but that... was a bit much.
He followed Anders up the stairs, quietly. He exhaled with an audible sigh of.. relief and pleasure at the quiet and dazzling display of beautiful. "That," he murmurs, "Will never get old." Anders was more beautiful in the sun, too. Which was saying something.
The hall was beautiful and it really wouldn’t ever get old, but he’d seen it before. What he wanted to see was Alaric’s face as the light hit it, that moment of dazzle in his eyes as the light caught them. Maker, he was gorgeous and more so for that moment of relaxation when a bit of weight seemed to fall from his brow. Though, the observation made him laugh.
“Well, then, let’s remedy that.” He lead them down the hall towards the truck window and the finagling it would do to get them and the food out onto the ledge. Food he had to rewarm with magic, but it was easily done.
He is pretty quiet in following. He does his bit to heat the water he's been carrying and making tea, but only once he's torn into some of the bread and had some meat and cheese too does he say anything.
Hunger catching up with him once he had some space to breathe and think and feeling of being even further 'away' is probably not an enormous surprise.
"Are you jealous?" He backs up. "Were you jealous earlier?"
Anders is less voracious in his eating, but he can hardly blame Alaric, he hadn’t eaten much during his heat and it took a lot of energy, he’d need as much as he could eat.
For his part, he ate a little bit of everything, but slowly and left the majority for his companion. Though food wasn’t enough to save him from difficult questions, apparently.
He considered lying. He considered glossing, anything but the exposed truth, but out here on the ledge everything felt exposed and the truth wasn’t so special in that way. Out here, they could just be them and breathe the morning air as the rest of the tower woke up.
“Yes.” He let that linger a moment and then sighed. “I shouldn’t be, though. I’ve no claim to you and if I- well, Marena wasn’t wrong, you could do with safer company than me, especially if you want to keep your head down. I’m not good at that.”
It was coming off heat, having not eaten much during, and his general aversion to the dining hall and energy burned with near constant shielding. Either way, he was making up for lost time, and getting a conversation out of the way.
"I don't know what I want." Just flat statement, that. "But you don't seem to be doing too badly here, overall." Attracting trouble and breaking rules or not. Also not his current focus. "How much of the jealousy and attachment are real, and how much is... biological drive?"
That was all...very fair, really. He hadn’t been here long enough, he could still decide what he wanted. Maker, Anders had spent a year not talking, and he’s sure there’s some here who now miss those days.
It was fair, too, that he was doing all right for himself. He was, better than most mages. Most other Alpha mages, even. He got to leave, travel, have contacts outside the circle, seek dispensation to go where he needed because he was an Alpha and a healer.
Yet, too, was he too outspoken, too noticed, too dangerous for his truck with spirits...there was plenty of reason his circle of friends was nearly non-existent.
“I don’t know. I know I like you quite a lot. I know you’ve enchanted me, and I know I want to learn more about you. I also know your scent has crept into my head more strongly than anyone, even someone I’d been very close to. I held you in your heat and part of me still feels like my arms are too empty...so perhaps the real answer is that it’s a bit of both.”
He pulled his knee up to his chest as he leaned back and rested his head against the tower wall. “I don’t think I can tell you where the line is.”
He looks at Anders, just a bit surprise and possibly even amused at all of that - but credit where it was due, it was a very honest, very thorough, answer.
He doesn't know that he knows where the line is either, and that's uncomfortable.
He can't come up with any way of sorting it, either, which may be why it's uncomfortable.
He chews and swallows a bite of food and has a drink of tea before he says, not as randomly as it may seem: "Bright lights cast strong shadows." Which could be decent to disappear in, at least sometimes.
Moving on. "How many Omegas have you been with for their heat?" Avoiding 'someone I was close to'. Yes, but only for right now. He knows there's a lot of pain there.
He casts a curious look over to Alaric. He could maybe discern the meaning behind the seemingly cryptic words, but he’s not sure he should. Either he had no idea or he was selfishly right that his shadow was what Alaric intended to hide in. He doubted the rumors would allow that...but he’d come back to that thought.
Especially with this new one in his mind. “How many have I watched over? Quite a few, though they usually call in Wynne for Omegas and me to look after Alphas, but it’s happened before.” He pauses and shakes his head. “Well..no, not that. How we were...I’ve only crawled into bed with a suffering Omega once before while acting as a healer and it wasn’t so sexual, she was a young friend of mine in her first heat and she was scared. Why?”
He pretends not to notice the curious look - because he doesn't want to elaborate, but yeah. If he can hide, he will hide. If he can't, he will start dazzling people with absolute bullshit. Maybe he'll do some of both. He's trying to work it out.
"Because I'm trying to work out cause and effect," he says, with a flash of a grin. "And which came first." He just doesn't know, but he does know that he's comfortable right now and with this man. "How do alphas respond to your presence?"
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When he re-emerges and makes his way toward breakfast he's put together again - down to his hair being neatly tied back.
He goes looking for Anders - and it's early enough to use that extra bit of ability and sixth sense to lead him there.
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The distraction of putting himself back together so his hair is exactly in place and what kohl he's afforded traces his eyes is nice, it's when he puts on some of his nicer robes that it occurs to him what he'd been aiming for in distraction and a physical step to put his masks and comforts back in place, has accidentally turned into something similar to dressing up for a date. Oh well, he's already here.
When he looks up to see Alaric coming around the corner from where he stands at the doors to the kitchens, it's all worth it and any remaining turmoil over his own foolishness flees. He smiles brightly as he shifts, hip cocking to the side. "Well, you look much more yourself. Lovely. You're just in time, it'll be easier to carry what we can snag if there's more hands."
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Probably.
"Not a thought that had occurred to me, but true all the same. How much will be convincing and how much will be taking and fleeing?"
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Near the center of the room are two people, a human woman and a male elf, one half to his elbows in flour and the other going over a list. "Marena, Kolian, hello and good morning how are my two favorite assistants today? Marena you're looking lovely." Honeyed words and roguish smiles fell on the pair with all the confidence of a man meant to be where he's standing and doing what he's doing, though their twin looks of mixed annoyance and fondness told otherwise.
"Get out, Anders, you're not meant to be here." Kolian scolded from where he was kneading bread, but his expression turned to flushed exasperation when Anders stepped into his space to murmur something quietly to him before turning his attention to the woman who crossed her arms.
"Whatever it is you want, the answer's no, you're trouble and bound to find more for us all if you're not out in the next few minutes."
Anders moved closer to her and took on a perfectly innocent and almost wounded look. "Trouble? Not I, I'm merely trying to show a man a calm and quiet breakfast, surely you could spare a couple plates early. Promise I won't leave them around this time. Please, Marena, we'll be even and you won't have to suffer my flattery again. Until you want to, that is."
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He knows what Anders is doing. He can even understand why Anders directed it at him. He isn't so sure it's inherently the best tactic to employ, but he understands.
He also sure it isn't the best tactic to use.
Complicated.
He eventually steps forward with a slightly wan smile. "He's trying to be helpful. I'm meant to be resting today and I would rather not eat than face a full dining room. I promise he'll clear up after himself, and if he doesn't or won't I will."
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"Don't get caught and, if you are, you stole it, you here me? Also warm the water yourself, I've no time to make you your own tea." She turns and puts the tray into Anders' hands and the pitcher into Alaric's, then leans a bit closer to him to mutter: "Watch yourself, noble-born, you could probably find some better company than this. Less of a headache, too. Now, out of my kitchen, both of you."
Anders, who most certainly pretended he didn't hear what she'd muttered to Alaric, winks and smiles to her. "Until next time, fair lady, thank you." Then lead them back out into the hall.
"See? Not so hard."
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In part because of the noble-born thing.
Which is accurate but...painful and frustrating in turns.
Regardless he has a jug.
"Now let's get out of sight before we are caught and have to make thieves of ourselves." Or, you know, he just does something awful because he's not in the mood to play nice and can.
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"You've been here only a short time, soon you'll see that the circle has absolutely everything a man needs to survive: protection, food, shelter, safe beds. It lacks anything a man might need to live, however, minus some break in tedium for study, but even study can be tedious when forced. Your fun and interest and freedom must be taken elsewhere or you really will find yourself melting into psychoses. Some here are able to make a life for themselves they deem happy and healthy, but they're willfully deluded."
He knows he's being hypocritical in saying it when he'd very nearly found a balance that held happiness for himself, something he could have quietly abided by and only kept his derision to darker nights when the walls threatened to suffocate, but that moment of near-peace had been lost and he much preferred to pretend he didn't know what it took to placate him.
"Not that I'm saying flirt with the kitchen staff, only that you'll find some way to entertain yourself as well, you'll have to."
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Just going to toss that out there, now that they are away from the kitchen and he feels more free to speak - and also now that Anders has made an open claim of that that is.
He is also sure that his freedom is very limited, and knows he will, at some point, have to find something to break the tedium. He just can't quite imagine it right now. In part because he does not hate it here, but also because he is still very much too busy adjusting to get bored.
Trying to adjust.
Maybe he should focus less on that -- but Anders is a good enough diversion and if he doesn't think too hard about what he is going to do, he doesn't have to think too much about what he can't.
"What do you do besides flirt ceaselessly to amuse yourself, then?"
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"I like to kiss people, sometimes fool around behind that hideous statue of Andraste that takes up the end of a hall...though less so these days, I suppose." He'd kissed a few people and slept with a few others over the last few years, but it had all but stopped for a few exceptions in the last year and a half. Now with his attention on Alaric, he'd largely stopped even that, though it was obviously more to do with being careful. One had to plan these things, after all, or risk being caught. He didn't dislike any of his liaisons, but he didn't like any of them enough to risk that.
"Really, my time is mostly taken with plants, potions, healing, and the occasional venture out of the tower to heal in the local villages. Had to go on a trip to heal a noble once, he was very kind."
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He doesn't sound impressed, he sounds like he's meeting that challenge, though perhaps his flat look - while continuing to walk and carry their tea - has something to do with that.
"What brand of kind was the noble." There's a variety. Explain.
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As they passed the floor with the cycle wards on them, Anders took a moment to turn to look at him fully, though careful of the tray he still held. "Or are you jealous? I haven't kissed you today, perhaps you miss me."
It shouldn't thrill him: the idea that Alaric might care enough to be jealous, to care who else might have Anders' time and attention, but it did and how fun just the thought was, however mean the teasing. And a far simpler thing than talking about Bann Ferrenly.
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He needs to learn to lie.
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Instead, he feels a thrill for possessive and then possessiveness of his own at the idea of Alaric laying with Kolian. Though, not as much as if he'd mentioned an Alpha in his musing.
There's no wall, not for each of their burdens, but he shifts his hold enough to take the tray's weight onto his arm so one hand is free. With it, he curls around Alaric's shoulders and grips his fingers firmly into the strands of his hair to turn his head as Anders pulled Alaric close to his side and into a searing kiss. He nearly clacked their teeth together for it, but his tongue dives into Alaric's mouth seeking as much as claiming and willing his scent to go to the other man in a way he wasn't usually comfortable with. It was assertive and possessive in a way he had no right to and some part of him felt bad, a part that would win out soon enough and beg the apology he owed, but the Alpha part of him reveled in it, in staking even this light claim.
When they break for air, he strokes the hair he'd abused in his haste. "Probably not that hard, he likes a pretty face and he has a gentle hand...but I might be a touch possessive myself."
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Not to the kiss - the kiss is welcome and fine, and he gets one hand on Anders shoulder and uses the other to support the tray - but to that kind of kiss.
There is a subtle sort of up and down in response. Almost relaxing and melting into it, then turning a little aggressive and applying the edges of his teeth in how he returns it. A soft groan that turns into a similarly soft growl. A back and forth that just isn't quite... settled.
He even half leans into the hand on his hair before straightening up further and moving the tray's weight back more solidly onto both of Anders' arm so he can disengage.
At least his mildly surprised look turning into a soft laugh isn't part of that, even if the tiny bit of unsteadiness is. "Just a bit -- and I'll take both that and the assessemnt under advisement for some future point."
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Not today, sadly, but Maker bless him with another chance for a perfect world where he might just find out.
He ducked down to kiss Alaric's shoulder, then bumped it lightly with his own so they could keep moving. "Please do."
The last few flights Anders was silent, lost to thought of the kiss and the man next to him and the fact he really...was feeling that burning edge of a knife in him at even the idea of someone else climbing into Alaric's bed. No, if Alaric wanted to play around that was fine, it was the circle no one had a right to anyone until a mate was decided for you. If a mate was decided for you. Those with particular attributes the Chantry found valuable or those especially prone to submission to the rules often did, he had no doubt they would each be bound to someone eventually for their gifts, if not their ability to listen. Of course, he'd spent years playing the good little boy and still he'd seen the last man he'd cared this much for escorted away to be bound to someone else.
That thought cut deeply and harshly and absolutely terrified him. He shouldn't entertain this.
They made it to the Eleventh floor and the door opened to resplendent color, the stained glass painting the hall with the morning's sunrise.
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He did know he was playing with fire.
Even if he was distinctly and definitely not looking at the possibility of being bred. He'd submit to a lot (and break a lot of rules) but that... was a bit much.
He followed Anders up the stairs, quietly. He exhaled with an audible sigh of.. relief and pleasure at the quiet and dazzling display of beautiful. "That," he murmurs, "Will never get old." Anders was more beautiful in the sun, too. Which was saying something.
"And I am suddenly starving."
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“Well, then, let’s remedy that.” He lead them down the hall towards the truck window and the finagling it would do to get them and the food out onto the ledge. Food he had to rewarm with magic, but it was easily done.
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Hunger catching up with him once he had some space to breathe and think and feeling of being even further 'away' is probably not an enormous surprise.
"Are you jealous?" He backs up. "Were you jealous earlier?"
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For his part, he ate a little bit of everything, but slowly and left the majority for his companion. Though food wasn’t enough to save him from difficult questions, apparently.
He considered lying. He considered glossing, anything but the exposed truth, but out here on the ledge everything felt exposed and the truth wasn’t so special in that way. Out here, they could just be them and breathe the morning air as the rest of the tower woke up.
“Yes.” He let that linger a moment and then sighed. “I shouldn’t be, though. I’ve no claim to you and if I- well, Marena wasn’t wrong, you could do with safer company than me, especially if you want to keep your head down. I’m not good at that.”
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"I don't know what I want." Just flat statement, that. "But you don't seem to be doing too badly here, overall." Attracting trouble and breaking rules or not. Also not his current focus. "How much of the jealousy and attachment are real, and how much is... biological drive?"
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It was fair, too, that he was doing all right for himself. He was, better than most mages. Most other Alpha mages, even. He got to leave, travel, have contacts outside the circle, seek dispensation to go where he needed because he was an Alpha and a healer.
Yet, too, was he too outspoken, too noticed, too dangerous for his truck with spirits...there was plenty of reason his circle of friends was nearly non-existent.
“I don’t know. I know I like you quite a lot. I know you’ve enchanted me, and I know I want to learn more about you. I also know your scent has crept into my head more strongly than anyone, even someone I’d been very close to. I held you in your heat and part of me still feels like my arms are too empty...so perhaps the real answer is that it’s a bit of both.”
He pulled his knee up to his chest as he leaned back and rested his head against the tower wall. “I don’t think I can tell you where the line is.”
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He doesn't know that he knows where the line is either, and that's uncomfortable.
He can't come up with any way of sorting it, either, which may be why it's uncomfortable.
He chews and swallows a bite of food and has a drink of tea before he says, not as randomly as it may seem: "Bright lights cast strong shadows." Which could be decent to disappear in, at least sometimes.
Moving on. "How many Omegas have you been with for their heat?" Avoiding 'someone I was close to'. Yes, but only for right now. He knows there's a lot of pain there.
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Especially with this new one in his mind. “How many have I watched over? Quite a few, though they usually call in Wynne for Omegas and me to look after Alphas, but it’s happened before.” He pauses and shakes his head. “Well..no, not that. How we were...I’ve only crawled into bed with a suffering Omega once before while acting as a healer and it wasn’t so sexual, she was a young friend of mine in her first heat and she was scared. Why?”
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"Because I'm trying to work out cause and effect," he says, with a flash of a grin. "And which came first." He just doesn't know, but he does know that he's comfortable right now and with this man. "How do alphas respond to your presence?"
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