Dragon Age: Inquisition: Anders Inquisitor AU

[wolfehawke]

Hawke is called away from his fugitive life with Anders to go look into some red lyrium stuff with Stroud. Anders heads for the Conclave to "redeem himself".

This can only end well.

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[wolfehawke]

He hums.

Not out loud, he doesn't think. Its hard to tell anymore, but Adalwolf can feel it in his bones. Literally within his bones, clawing to get out, thrumming with the need to grow and twist and making him vibrate from deep within. Making him glow, making him see everything with a sanguine tinge.

He's not sure that wouldn't be true anyway. The last night of Haven may have been his first time using blood magic, but it wasn't the last. Far far from it. He'd used that power to attempt escape so many times now he's lost count, runes cut into his arms, scarring his skin and flecking it with crimson that won't fade. Its solid now, the red lyrium jutting through his skin in the patterns of the cuts he's made to call upon his power - his father's power that runs through his blood - anything to try and fight this.

That's long out of him though. Corypheus had seen to that. And then the spectre of his mother telling him how he's failed them all, of Bethany beckoning him to join her in death, of Carver all broken out in spears of red lyrium with the same insane zeal that plagued Meredith at the end. He'd fought that figment, striking down his own brother to defend a self he no longer even felt worth defending. A blood mage, an abomination, the very thing he'd pitied and fought against all these years. It was Carver's right as a Templar to put him down, but he was always stronger than his little brother. Always just that much more practiced. Always that much more willing to go the extra distance even if it cost him everything.

And it has. He has nothing now. Nothing but the hum of the lyrium in his bones and the sound of familiar footsteps in the puddles of his prison. He's heard that approach before, dreamed it so many times. And it always hurt. Hurt to have it happen, hurt to be condemned, hurt to be forgiven, hurt to have Anders vanish in front of him like so much ephemera. Every time, the same. He's not really there.

Just like now.

Adalwolf turns and faces the bars, eyes glinting red with a light of their own, and looks upon the face of his long-dead love with a resigned and hopeless smile.

"Well. Here we are again."

[apurrstate]

The sharp red glow of the crystals protruding from skin, the pale color stained and sickly in the glow, is the first thing he sees. But he doesn't need to see that face or hear that voice to know who it is. He had the second Varric had stopped him. He just hadn't wanted to.

The sound that escapes him is wretched and pained and he can feel the cracks that spring out from the corners of his eyes as Justice flares up under Anders' fear and anger. He barely remembers wrenching the door open to throw himself into the cell, but he can't bring himself to take those last two steps needed to reach Hawke. Frantic, fearful, eyes dart from one wrongness to the next: the red crystals, the veins of corruption...that red shine to normally pure grey eyes. The look in those eyes.

His hands shook as he moved into Wolfe's space and gently reached out to cradle his face.

"Hawke...love? It's me."

What Wolfe had said caught up to him, particularly 'again' and realization stirred like dust off a floor. Red lyrium caused hallucinations and delusions and images when near it...growing out of-

He can't even think of those crystals right now, what it means that they're growing from his love's body, how far gone he must already be...

The cracks fade and Anders' voice comes out thick with the smothered emotions. "I'm real, I swear it. We weren't killed, we were pushed forward in time. It is me, my light."

[wolfehawke]

"Of course it is. It's always you," he maintains that benign smile, putting one scarred hand over one of the ones "Anders" has placed on his face. It always starts like this, gentle and scared and full of regret. He lives for this part of his delusion. It's really the only thing to live for now, the brief soft intent of rescue. For seeing Anders' face full of love and care for him. For the soft touch before the inevitable sour turn.

What will it be this time, he wonders blithely to himself. Anders discovering his scars and Justice flaring over his fall to blood magic? An intrepid rescue only to watch Anders die in the attempt? Turns out Anders was a demon all along? There are so many flavors of torment his already experienced where this particular scenario is concerned all he can think of currently are the greatest hits of the past year.

But he still nuzzles just a little into Anders' hand, still breathes a very small but crushingly heavy sigh for both relief and fortification. Even if its just in his own mind, even if it will all fall to the Abyss in a moment, he'll take it for now.

"You're dead, but I want to believe you."

[apurrstate]

This can't happen. He'd already had the thought a hundred times since their arrival to this broken future, but now it's more than a thought, it's desperate and all-encompassing need. This can't be what happens, this can't come to pass, he has to fix this. Dorian had said he could either send them back or turn them to paste...and looking at Wolfe now, those were the only options. Either they fixed this or they died trying. Anders couldn't abide by this future.

"Then believe me. Please. Can you still fight? We need to find Alexius here and get back in time. Back to where we belong. I can stop this from happening." 'I can save you. Protect you..' The thoughts burn in him, but he holds onto them. They're useless words for this version of Hawke, the version he'd already failed. He needed them for the version he could still help.

"Come with me, love. I need your help."

He hated to use that, but if his Hawke was still in the tangled web of lyrium-addled delusion, it should push some purpose back into him. His Adalwolfe Hawke always needed to help people. Always wanted to be useful. Anders both loved and hated that, his kind-hearted care, that ended up having Hawke give too much of himself. Now Anders just hoped there was enough of that still in the despair to rouse him.

[wolfehawke]

I need your help. The statement rings in his ears, thrumming discordant against the hum of the lyrium, grating against the futility that had become his new normal.

"My help..." He repeats as if the idea is foreign. There's non of the incredulity he feels apparent in his tone, just abject confusion. What good had his help done? Start a war, killed his friends, killed his family.

Anders is asking, though. Even if he's a delusion, Adalwolfe can never say no to that face, especially not in recognizing the desperation there. It's a face he'd known well in Kirkwall in the last years. A panic fighting against despair as it threatens to drown him. He can see it so clearly now not just for having seen it before but in feeling it himself. Of watching companions succumb to tortured experiments of Alexius and the Elder One.

The Elder One...

Adalwolfe startles, coming back to himself as he grasps Anders by the shoulders. "Anders, the Elder One. It's Corypheus."

[apurrstate]

"...What?" His ears were ringing with those words, the furthest thing from what he expected, that they barely registered at first.

Corypheus....the first Darkspawn and a Tevinter magister, a priest of Dumat. That voice in his head, wordless and incessant, like a whisper he could just make out but not understand, except it grew clearer and louder, telling him things he didn't want to hear, bidding him to do things for the 'Blood of the Hawke,' to free his 'master,' to free him and end the Blights, to free him and find power for mages once more. That voice had grown so strident and so overwhelming that Justice had lashed out to end it's control over Anders' tainted body and he'd been forced to watch as they fought their friends in a panic. It had been so bad, like a migraine that spoke, at the top of the tower. He'd fought to keep the others alive as well as Corypheus and Justice too. Then he was dead on the ground, bleeding and scorched from magic and blades alike. The blissful silence that had followed...he couldn't have even described it.

Somehow, he was back? Two seconds ago, he would have assumed another delusion, but there was a surge of clarity in Hawke's eyes and it shook Anders to his core. Hawke was sure, that was obvious enough.

"You're....you're certain? You saw him? How...?"

[wolfehawke]

"He's the one that took us. At Haven. He has armies of mages and red Templars. A blighted dragon. I don't understand how but he has all these things. He razed Haven to the ground after you died, he invaded Orlais with an army of demons and killed Empress Celene. He's taken over the entire world, Anders. All of it. And I don't understand how he's still alive."

It's my fault runs undercurrent to everything he tells Anders. It's my fault. We fought him. We killed him. We burned his body and yet he's still here and we didn't see how. We should have ended him but he's here and he killed you and everyone and it's my fault.

[apurrstate]

There's so much in all of that and Anders has to grasp to hold onto it. The mages made sense, that was why they were in Redcliffe. The templars...was that what happened because Anders hadn't gone to them? They turned to Corephyus? No, he couldn't spare that any thought right now. Empress Celene, a demon army...Corephyus back from the dead. These needed his attention.

It gave him pause, but that determination slipped back in after only a moment. His grip on Wolfe tightened and he nodded. "We'll figure it out, Hawke. We always do. First we go to Alexius, make this right. You've told me who he is and how he does it, I swear we'll stop him this time. None of this will happen. Will you help me make sure we put this right?"

[wolfehawke]

Put this right he says. None of this will happen.

Its already happened. He's already watched what little remains of what he cares about be eradicated. The world is ruins, nowhere is safe, and a specter of his love he saw die is telling him it's not going to happen if he helps to find Alexius and somehow set everything right.

It will feel good to turn the magister into paste, at least. If they get that far and Anders doesn't just simply disappear and the guards descend on Adalwolfe for being out of his cell again. He'd stopped that months ago but they're still vigilant, exchanging whispers on how the annoyance that is him will be rendered inert soon, attached to the wall in a vein of pulsing red lyrium just like Fiona. It's a wonder it hasn't happened yet.

The urgency fades some from his eyes but he does nod, slipping into an easy and utterly superfluous smile. "What are we waiting for?"

[apurrstate]

He can see when his Hawke fades into this new and broken one and it broke Anders' heart all over again. This man...red lyrium crystals in the shapes of blood magic sigils on his arms...he could feel Justice trying to stir in anger that Hawke had fallen so far, but that emptiness...he couldn't. Hawke had been through more than Anders could guess or even had time to try and listen to, all he could do for him now was make sure this never happened. Make sure he was always at Hawke's back to ensure it never ended up in a corner.

Anders steeled himself even as he brought a hand up to brush at Wolfe's hair, one last moment for softness and mourning, but then they had to continue.

"Alright."

Anders led Wolfe out of the cell, his eyes locking briefly with Varric's and, for just a moment, they shared that mourning and a flash of guilt, but then it was over. They really needed to keep going. Leliana was still missing.

Their numbers greater, the guards they ran into didn't stand a chance and Anders let some of his fury out on whoever they came across. They didn't get the chance to give the ones torturing Leliana a taste of their own medicine before she did it herself. Anders tried to offer her healing, but she turned him down and pushed past him.

'Let me help you, you're hurt.'
'This is nothing and nothing you can do will make it better unless you make it right.'

Her tone had been scathing, almost hateful, and Anders didn't know that he could blame her, even as his own ire stirred. He'd vanished, her wounds still open about Justinia, his actions in Kirkwall still a tense subject between them, and then everything had fallen to ruin.

'And mages wonder why people fear them.'

He followed her to the open area in silence, his strikes slowly changing from focused fury to determined efficiency as they finally got across the bridge into the rest of the castle. When they hit the courtyard, Anders stopped dead in his tracks, eyes drawn to the Rift...and what remained of the sky. "Maker...It's...everywhere."